Chapter 246: Incompetence and Hoaxes

Vadeem, thankfully, did not disappoint for the second time. Well, technically it wasn’t my friend’s fault that the people we had defend this place were all incompetent to the extreme, but someone had to take the blame! The remaining individuals I had stationed elsewhere were now all conveniently placed in the west wing, spread out just enough so that we could pick off one group of Aspirants at a time. I’m amazed that no one found such a setup suspicious, but then again, with how high my Charisma was, I doubt any suspicion would arise unless I did something really ridiculous. 

“Okay,” I whispered, “This should be the right area… does anyone notice the patrols?”

One of the two women in the group spoke up like an honor student who couldn’t wait to show off their knowledge. “Yes, sir! I’ve the best senses among your forces, and I can tell that there’s several patrols up ahead!”

“Best?” Another man scoffed. “Fuck off, Audrey, it takes you half an hour to set up your abilities, it’s worthless in an actual fight.” He turned to look at me, eyes wide like a puppy. “Now if you want someone to scout for you, I’m your man! I don’t have-”

“What did you say?” Audrey - I’m assuming that’s her name in any case, I’ve never really bothered to learn them - said with a frown. “It only takes minutes to use, and it’s for stealth missions, you goddamn idiot. Who needs to use a detection ability when they’re in a firefight? You’re the one who should fuck off!”

“As if that were the-”

I scowled. “Stop arguing. Now.”

I could feel the anxiety from those two as they did as they were told. “Y-yes, sir!”

Audrey looked down with embarrassment. “Sorry, sir.”

“Now continue with your assessment, Audrey.”

“Of course, sir!” she responded, “As I was saying before Sal interrupted, there are roughly 5 patrol groups up ahead, averaging about 6 to 7 Aspirants in each pod.”

I nodded slowly. “That’s what I’m getting as well, excellent work.”

The woman blushed. “Thank you, sir! I endeavor to do my best for your- um, I mean our sake!” 

“Good,” I smirked, “Now can anyone else tell me how we’re going to deal with these patrol groups?” I turned to gaze at each of them in turn. “Think of this as learning on the job.”

The man who argued with Audrey raised a hand. I nodded for him to speak. “We ambush them! Take them out fast, before anyone else can respond.”

The last woman, who had been waiting in the back, spoke up. “Audrey’s right, you are an idiot, Sal. Do you honestly think the Abyss guild’s going to assign weaklings to guard such an important object? Our numbers are basically equal, you think we can take them all out in seconds?”

“Well…” Sal mumbled, “Maybe a full frontal assault’s not the best idea. How about stealth kills then?”

Audrey rolled her eyes. “And does anyone here have a stealth class? ‘Cause I sure don’t.”

“Right…” he laughed nervously, before eyeing me sheepishly. “Sorry, I didn’t take our team composition into account.”

I sighed. Why were all of my subordinates all incompetent? I was starting to suspect that something about me was draining the intelligence of the normal people that I interacted with. Most likely it was my Charisma and other nebulous abilities doing strange things with the brain chemistry of the people involved, making them so desperate to appease me at the expense of their critical thinking capabilities. Perhaps Claire could clarify this issue later; she’s the only other individual with a skillset similar to mine, so hopefully she’d be more knowledgeable on the subject. 

“Does anyone else have a suggestion?” I inquired, brows raised. 

Silence. I sighed again and ultimately gave up trying to get too much out of these Aspirants. I should have suspected as much; I picked the individuals with the highest levels, not the ones best suited to this particular task, so it’s no surprise that they’d all suck. To be fair to them, I was willing to bet that these guys and gals had mostly tackled their problems head-on until now, they’re not the veterans that I encountered back at Hope’s Memorial. 

“Sorry, sir…”

I had to force myself not to show any annoyance when I answered. “That’s fine, like I said, this is a learning opportunity. Take this failure as a motivator to do better next time.”

“So what should we do, sir?” Audrey asked. 

“I’ll take it from here,” I said with a grin. “Stay back and watch.”

The gathered 8 (well, the three Claire brainwashed excluded) looked like they would explode with joy at the thought of seeing their glorious leader in action personally, and I had to use a little bit of Noe-ing to subdue their emotions. Right, I’ll definitely have to have a proper chat with Claire about how to manage a mass of crazed devotees in the near future.

Not bothering to waste any more time with the idiots, I walked up to the nearest group of six and took them out in one go. How? Well, as the big bad boss of Jae-Hyun’s new secret underground organization, I didn’t even have to lift a hand myself.

Walter’s Fine: Noel, liquify the first batch by my position.

Lady Awesome: Aye-aye, boss!

And just like that, the five turned into goop in a matter of seconds. There was no fanfare or special effects as Noel’s fire liquified them from the inside; they didn’t even have a chance to understand what had happened. Of course, that was only what it looked like from my point of view. 

If Noe’s summary of events were to be believed, then what the others saw was something truly out of this world. From Audrey, Sal, and the other’s points of view, it would have appeared as if I had conjured myself in a cloak of shadows as I snuck up on the unsuspecting patrol group. From there - and I must remind everyone that this wasn’t my idea - the supernatural shadows enveloped the surrounding space, entrapping my foes in a subspace bubble. 

Then, as if that wasn’t enough, magical ravens started to fly out of my body and literally rip apart the souls of those poor Aspirants that were trapped in that space, and all the while I was apparently shrugging off epic amounts of magic and abilities that the victims were throwing at me in a vain attempt to survive. What ripping souls out of bodies looked like, or what kinds of damage I was shrugging off, I had no idea, but whatever it was that Noe decided to show certainly did as I intended. The others - Claire’s minions included - looked at me like I was a monster. They were slack-jawed and in awe.

Say, Noe, don’t you think you overdid it back there, what with the special effects? And ravens? I’m supposed to be a freedom fighter, a hero! 

“Do not worry, my Host,” she replied, “I have chosen the most optimal course of action based on the situation at hand. And besides, dear Walter, you do not fit the mold of a righteous paladin type. Additionally, a freedom fighter is not a heroic role, so my modifications are fine.”

If you say so, Noe… 

“Holy shit…” someone muttered despite the silence, “Our leader’s something else.”

“I mean, I expected as much, but seeing it in person?” Sal added with a whisper, “He’s damned amazing…”

“Damned hot as well,” Audrey responded. 

 I hope you’re not trying to get me a bunch of groupies, Noe, because that’s what your little stunt back there’s doing!

“That seems to be an inadvertent consequence, but not entirely terrible. You should get used to this type of attention.”

As the spymaster? 

“Perhaps not in that role,” Noe admitted, “But in general.”

I rolled my eyes. Noe seems to have an inflated idea of what kind of person I should be, and although it was flattering to know that she had such a high opinion of me, it could be a little, uh, overwhelming at times.

“It is because I know what you can truly accomplish, my Host. You sell yourself short, even in your awakened state. You should elevate your thinking to match your status.”

Yeah, yeah, Noe. Thanks.

“You are most welcome.”

Since it was too late to change the perceptions of the others, I just went along with my new role as the edge-lord resistance leader and dispatched the next set of patrol groups in equal fashion. This time, I didn’t bother to ask Noe what she showed the eight when I saw them awestruck. By the time we were approaching the site of the “artifact”, my minions were all but worshiping me as a god, and trust me when I say I know what that looks like! 

Walter’s Fine: Alright, everyone, it’s almost time for the big showdown. Who’s joining me on stage this time?

Vadeem the Dream: Let the idiot go, Walter. You know me, I was never good with stuff like that. 

Lady Awesome: Sorry little bro, still busy with the deserters! I’m taking my time with this bunch.

Walter’s Fine: Then who’s coming? Can’t exactly have Jae-Hyun here.

Muscle E: We want to try this time.

Muscle A: It seems fun.

Walter’s Fine: Uh… I know you two want to help, and I trust you, don’t get me wrong, but this probably isn’t the time to help. I don’t think my reputation’s going to increase if I beat up children. Sorry, girls.

Muscle E: Understandable.

Muscle A: Next time, then.

Well shit, was I going to be stuck with Vadeem after all? There wasn’t anyone else aside from Yoona, and while punching a high school girl was slightly preferable to beating up literal children, I don’t think that’s much better for my image.

The Sheppard: Allow me to assist you, Walter. I believe that I can fullfill your needs quite adrequately. 

I hesitated for a moment. Now, I’ve been trying my absolute best to avoid interacting with the creepy father for as long as possible, and I am quite proud to say that I had been successful thus far. Aside from group meals and meetings, I hardly ever saw the priest. Of course, it also helped that he was mainly working with the Kim siblings on the administrative side of the Guild, if he wasn’t outside preaching to the masses. 

Still, as much as I would loathe to admit, the priest was competent, scarily so, and it wouldn’t be that bad to work with him closer in the future. Yeah, it’s best to have him help out.

Walter’s Fine: Sure, if you don’t mind, Marcus. Do you know the plan?

The Sheppard: I do.

And of course, he did. That man’s practically clairvoyant at this point, and unlike with the Regressor, I had no idea where he was getting all of that information. Actually, now that I thought about it, I didn’t know what the bug priest could do at all. I’ve never seen him fight, since he joined after the second trial, and with me avoiding him at all costs, I didn’t even check up on him when he was supervising the newbies. The only thing I had on him was the fucking worthless piece of - uh, I mean Q’s doppelganger’s diary entries on him, and that only consisted of things like “Marcus defeated XYZ on this day”. 

Yeah, for such an integral part of the Abyss guild, I knew almost nothing about him. That’s something that I should have remedied much earlier.

Walter’s Fine: Okay, Vadeem, get the remainder of the Aspirants with Marcus. We’ll be there for the final act in about 10 minutes.

Vadeem the Dream: Already on it, boss.