It Isn't Over

I hesitated writing this, but I'm going to take a risk that the benefit of this reminder and what you can still do to fight outweighs bringing even more attention to it, for if no other reason that my conscience compels me to try and do something.

Yesterday, America woke up a dark and ugly side of itself I had thought (and hoped) was dead, and it is excited to be back. But Donald Trump's second term as the President of the United States of America will not be the end of the world for queer people or any other group this hateful mob sets its eyes on.

That being said, I will not mince words: this is going to be hard. Not only are people who wish you would stop existing going to think they now have not only the power but the right to do so, but many people unable to understand the reasons why Kamala Harris lost her election are going to try to find answers, and some of those people are going to blame queer people of all kinds and the Democrats' allyship of them as the convenient scapegoat.

But you are not going to be erased, either from those who want to try or from yourself. You are still you, and you are worth fighting for yourself, even if you don't believe it. I don't know what your life has been like if you turned out to not be the person you assumed you were once, but I'd venture a guess to say that journey has had hardships. You didn't go through that work to find who you are and live as them just for someone else to decide none of that has been real or that it should be taken away.

This might be the naive progressive optimist in me talking, or maybe it's the indoctrinated child of neoliberal boomers coping, but I truly believe the U.S. is a country whose greatest asset is its diversity. There's a long history of those trying to decide who is and who isn't allowed to be a part of that great "melting pot" most American kids get shoved down their throats in school, but that's a curtailed Americana that never truly existed and is impossible to build.

No, America is all of itself. The sweet pulp, the bruised skin, the rotting flesh, the stiff core, and the seeds. Never forget that you have the right to belong to this just as much as you have the right to belong to yourself and to be yourself, no matter what those with privilege try to deem is a right or is right, and if you've gotta shove yourself down someone's throat to choke them or get them to stop spewing bullshit, then more power to ya.

But as a writer and someone who knows how hollow the words of platitudes are, I don't want to leave you with nothing but pithy lines about keeping your head up. No, there's work to be done, and I'm gonna try to give you all some resources and advice.

First, stay safe.

If you think you are a threat to yourself, please call a crisis hotline. There are ones specifically for LGBT people, like these here. I've heard musings of them being at capacity, but your own life is worth far more than having to wait on hold. Your feeling of fear and anxiety are valid, but don't let a few moments of your time be the reason you give up hope and give into them with a drastic and permanent solution to a temporary problem. I have my own firm views of what happens when we die, but an undeniable part of that is the people who loved us miss us. At least one person in your life loves you, even if that person is yourself. The present you might not love themselves, but that future you can.

In less immediate cases of safety, your own personal support group, whatever that may be, shouldn't be neglected. Your friends and family are one option, as are local queer and "alphabet soup" groups, but if you have worries about opening yourself up to other people who you might be meeting for the first time and showing that vulnerability in person, re:Dreamer's Discord server (invite here) somehow ended up being a rather tight-knit community of all sorts of people. We might not be able to help the root causes of your fears and anxieties, but we can at least listen to what you have to say and provide you with a community of people that will remind you that you have worth.

I am a bit iffy on suggesting this one as it draws attention to something some of you might be worried about, but if you feel like you won't be safe from other people, arm yourself. Even a small canister of pepper spray or mace might help you feel safer, but if you feel like you can trust yourself with owning a firearm, America has made it all too easy for you to get your hands on one. Look up your local processes for getting a license, do your own research on what carry would work for you (or come to that server for recommendations since we have a number of people who know a weird amount about guns), don't be stupid, and be safe.

Second, get your money, legal, medical stuff sorted out now.

How are you looking with identification documents? What bills are in your name vs your deadname? Is it realistic for you to update your documents at this time with something like a new driver's license or passport? Are you in a system with an endocrinologist? What about gender dysphoria diagnosis, which might prove invaluable for continued HRT if access to it becomes more restricted? Are you living in a place you feel safe, and if not, is it realistic for you to find a safer place? What is your job security? Would you feel okay being locked into your current job for the next 4 years? What is your backup plan if get fired, get injured, have to quit, and so on? What is your health insurance?

I know this looks like a flood of information, but if you've been holding off on legally transitioning, the next 2 months are the time to start doing that. Do as much preparation as you can between now and inauguration day.

I've harped on my issues with DIY HRT and informed consent, but if you think you need to stockpile medication, this is the time to start (but be aware that a lot of people are trying to do this right now so quantity and prices might be an issue). Due to my very weird brain health (or lack thereof), I am probably dead if I am cut off from HRT. If a HRT crackdown happens, I think it's about a coin flip as to whether or not I'll still have access, as it might come down to which of my doctors' offices gets contacted first. I have more reason that most to be very concerned about this, but I'm not in utter despair over it.

Yes, DIY is going to be more expensive than informed consent or any other insurance, and it is going to be riskier. You are going to be your own doctor. There are a lot of resources to look at for access to DIY HRT and understanding your HRT medication better (I wish there was a trans male version of this website but I couldn't find it if it even exists). Do not skip out on getting regular blood tests for your hormone levels and other necessary panels. You can pay out of pocket for some of this, but your general practitioner can very likely get you scheduled for drawing that blood in-office and possibly even getting that billed to your insurance.

Third, don't let yourself be erased. Survive.

Once again not mincing words, but there's almost certainly going to be a rise in transphobia. Much of it is following the old homophobic rhetoric of the Reagan years, but explaining sexuality is a lot easier than explaining gender. "I like other men/women" is something the average person can understand even if they're going to be a bigoted asshole about it. "What my chromosomal sex is isn't necessarily the same as my gender, which is both my internal view of myself and what society thinks of masculinity and femininity, and my sex and gender don't line up like they normally do" is going to be hard for a few people to wrap their head around; believe me, I know. I'm genderfluid, and describing what my state of being is makes me sound like I'm insane.

If you are going to explain who you are to other people, be patient. Not everyone you know is going to know what being trans is let alone what it means, and it can be hard to understand. Speaking as a former transphobe, people can have strong gut reactions to the concept that they later cool off from or even feel ashamed about once having. You should talk for yourself and be your own advocate, but if you feel like you need external material to help, link someone The Gender Dysphoria Bible (I really fucking wish this had a nb version but alas I can't find it). Have an ally in the room if you're worried about what might happen if you come out.

And if you're not comfortable coming out, then don't. Gender is a fuck, but it can also be a journey about finding yourself and accepting yourself. Those are the core parts, and trying to change how you present and share yourself is the bonus category that isn't for everyone. Building up your allies and testing the waters with people before Trump goes into office might be a wise move, but I don't know you personally so it's your call.

If you decide this isn't the time to share those discoveries about yourself, or even if you don't want to have to worry about passing privilege and not trying to get clocked, then don't. It's not good that you might feel the need to do this, but I know how awful it felt for me to worry about a social transition until I just finally decided I'm not going to do one. If you make a similar choice, you have that right; if someone else makes that choice, assume they are having clear judgment and don't try to change their mind on the mere principle that it makes someone "less trans" or some other nonsense.

(Man I really wish I had more resources for trans men).

Anyways, binders. If you're not confident in presenting fem every single time and or just want the security of knowing you have different ways to present yourself without putting on a baggy sweatshirt, these are going to help.

Being genderfluid and having a weird relationship with my chest, I've used 3 different brands, and I'll go over each.

Tomboy X's compression tops are... okay. They're a fairly affordable option and will definitely do the job for smaller chests, but I had to stop using mine after I hit C-cups.

Spectrum Outfitter's binders are quite good but a bit odd. They're probably the most "passing" of the types I've tried, but they're essentially a flatter and non-stretchy canvas with elastic to hold against your body. They're not not comfortable, but they're not the best for longer days of hiding my chest, and the short variant's bottom hem can "tent" shirts a bit with the stiff bottom. I'd imagine this is a non-issue with healthier BMI's, but hey haha guess who's a little overweight?

For Them has two different binder models, and I'd say their current standard model is the best one I've used. Stock is erratic, but it's a well-made elastic band that actually makes me feel like I can not just breathe but excessive in, and even wear for the whole day without issues. I'd assume the Max variant is the same but for shorter duration of time, but I've never tried it.

Lastly, be an ally.

If you're someone more directly in the path of Trump's mob's hate, don't try to compromise with them. Don't try to be "one of the good ones" for their approval or your safety, as you'll be turned into a tool that will be discarded the instant you are not useful. If you're gay, lesbian, or bi, don't fall for that stupid "LGB" crap. This hate mob isn't going to stop with trans people, and you're next on the chopping block after that group has been deemed sufficiently "erased." If you're not one of these marginalized groups, stand up for them. You don't have to "get it" to care for people. Check in on people who you think might be struggling with the state of American (and world) politics. They might be fine, and they might not be, but they will almost certainly appreciate not being forgotten.

As much as you would not like to be a book judged by its cover, don't do that with others. This isn't even my gender neutrality policy so much as it is realizing that allies can be anywhere and might be closer than you think if you give them a chance to understand.

But that doesn't mean you should try to change other people in some attempt to get their permission to be different. I don't know you or the people you know, but I can assume you can decide for yourself who and who not to trust.

Southerners get a somewhat well-deserved rap for bigotry, but no group is an absolute whole. I've met people go to not just churches but those Evangelical mega-churches who don't think what's happening to queer people is okay but don't have a way to say that without backlash. If you give someone a chance to say who they are and tell you what they believe in private, it can help you realize that it isn't the entire world that's gone crazy but a very loud and vocal minority. I don't think America is rotten at its core as an irredeemable monster, but that necessary positive change in the wake of this election needs to be given a chance to happen.

This isn't the end of the world. This might not even be a dark age, but as optimistic as I'm trying to be, I do feel a bit cold and alone. It feels darker.

But I also tell a weird story about gender as my job. I somehow ended up making a small campfire and sitting around it as I tell that story, and if you're willing to listen, I hope that weird story brings a bit more warmth into the world to remind those who need it that no sun sets forever and that there is a day to look forward to.

Until next time, please be safe.