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Episode 47: A GAME OF THRONES, EDDARD XIII: "Bed of Blood" SHOW NOTES!

Hello and welcome to the Not A Cast … podcast: the one true chapter-by-chapter podcast going through A Song of Ice and Fire one chapter a week. I’m one of your hosts Jeff better known as BryndenBFish. 

And I’m your other host Emmett, better known as PoorQuentyn. 

Welcome to our forty-seventh episode of the Not A Cast entitled: “Bed of Blood: An Analysis of AGOT, Eddard XIII,” in which Ned Stark visits his best friend and king on his deathbed, writes out his will, and negotiates the power vacuum that follows. 

This episode is brought to you by our Small Council: Hand of the King WolfmanZack, Grand Maester Timothy W, Lord Commander of the Kingsguard Mark N. Lord Travis, Master of Ships and Warden of the Waves, Ser Keith J, Master of Whisperers, Lord Philip the Merciful, Master of Laws, Jancy O, Lady Commander of the Night’s Watch and Archmaester June, Healer of the Lesser Poxes, Ragged Michael, Warden of the North, and Nelson the Hammer, Prince of Dragonstone. Thank you councillors very much!

Spoiler warning: All published books - 5 novels, 3 Dunk and Egg novellas, histories, interviews, TWOW sample chapters, as well as Game of Thrones the TV show. Anything and everything!

Question

Ser Andrew B, a Sworn Sword asks:

Dear Amen Brothers,
Love the continuing efforts and thank you for the abundance of Christmas content. 
My question touches on something you've been talking about and touching on indirectly for a while, both in the regular show, and in the fantastic, always worth the pledge Patreon episodes:
Apart from Tyrion, the Lannisters really don't seem to have much to do with the endgame, do they? 
With Cersei and Jaime likely going out during Aegon's invasion and Dance 2.0, Tommen and Myrcella being so very very doomed, and the rest being only minor characters, the chances of an important Lannister presence beyond the possible "silent lion" just aren't there. 
What does it say that this family that has been so central to the story of the series will be all but gone before the end? 
Part is, of course, Tywin's enduring shitty legacy of being a shitty person who didn't shit gold, but we all know that's not all. 
Thank you,
Andrew 

Synopsis

Ned Stark dreamt an old dream of walking through the crypts of Winterfell and the Kings of Winter and their direwolves looking at him as he trudges on to the tombs of Lyanna, Brandon and his father Rickard. Promise me, Ned, Lyanna’s statue whispers to Ned. A garland of pale blue roses crown her head, her eyes weep blood.

And then Ned wakes from one nightmare and enters the next. His heart is racing, the blankets tangled around him. A voice calls for him, loud. Groggy, Ned Stark gets dressed and stumbles towards the door. Outside, Tomard and Cayn along with the king’s steward await him to bring him news: Robert Baratheon has returned, Cersei, Jaime, Tywin and Tyrion are in exile, and the plot to assassinate Daenerys Targaryen has been called off. Thank R’hllor. It was getting hairy there for a minute.

No, wait. This is A Song of Ice and Fire. I forgot for a moment. The men are here under the king’s orders to bring Ned to Robert’s chambers. But in very dramatic fashion, they don’t tell why they need Ned to come to Robert’s chambers. Hey guys, maybe like prep Ned for what he’s about to experience, yeah? Anyhow, Ned finishes getting ready and grabs the Valyrian steel dagger for … plot-driven reasons. The party heads through the darkness of the Red Keep. At Maegor’s Holdfast, Ned passes by three knights of the kingsguard and has a chill remembering something which, of course, is not at all the Tower of Joy. He sees Barristan and notices that his face is as white as his armor. Not great, Bob.

The royal steward announces Ned to Robert, and the Hand enters to a warm room, with fires blazing in the hearths that fill the room with a sullen red glare. And Robert? Robert was in bed with Grand Maester Pycelle hovering over him and Renly pacing in front of the window. And oh yeah. Cersei is there, at the edge of the bed. She seemed like she had just been woken, but her eyes were anything but sleepy. They follow Ned as he shambles into the room. 

At the bed, Robert is still wearing his boots, but on the floor beneath, Robert’s clothing lies on the ground with red-brown blood stains. In fact, the entire room smells like death and blood. Robert calls Ned over to his bed, and Ned sees that his friend’s face is pale. When he looks down, he sees how bad the wound is.

A devil. My own fault. Too much wine, damn me to hell. Missed my thrust.

Ned demands to know where Renly and Barristan were while Robert was getting boar’d. Well, Robert had told them to stay behind so that he could take the boar on by himself. Ned lifts the blanket and sees that Robert got gored from nip to dick with blood soaking through the fresh bandages that Pycelle had put on. 

Stinks. The stink of death, don’t think I can’t smell it.

Then Robert boasts of killing the pig by driving his knife through the animal’s eye. And he wants the boar roasted for the feast. And now everyone needs to GTFO, except Ned. Cersei protests, but Robert tells her to leave. Everyone else gets up to leave, but Pycelle offers Robert some drugs. Robert knocks the milk of the poppy out of Pycelle’s hands and reiterates that he wants everyone to make like a tree and leaf.

Now alone, Ned curses Robert for being headstrong, and Robert again brags about killing the pig. Robert then relates that Ser Robar Royce found him before the boar incident and told him what Ned had done with Gregor. But Robert hadn’t told Sandor as he thought to let Cersei surprise him with the news for the lulz. But then Robert changes course. Daenerys. It was wrong for him to have ordered her death. And Ned was the only one who urged him to do the right thing. The boar is the gods’ punishment for Robert ordering child murder.

But hold that thought, because Robert needs Ned to write a few things down. He directs Ned to the table and quill and ink. Ned’s to write Big Bob’s last will and testament. And here it is: the moment, and I’ll read it in full:

"This is the will and word of Robert of House Baratheon, the First of his Name, King of the Andals and all the rest—put in the damn titles, you know how it goes. I do hereby command Eddard of House Stark, Lord of Winterfell and Hand of the King, to serve as Lord Regent and Protector of the Realm upon my … upon my death … to rule in my … in my stead, until my son Joffrey does come of age …"
"Robert …" Joffrey is not your son, he wanted to say, but the words would not come. The agony was written too plainly across Robert's face; he could not hurt him more. So Ned bent his head and wrote, but where the king had said "my son Joffrey," he scrawled "my heir" instead. The deceit made him feel soiled. The lies we tell for love, he thought. May the gods forgive me. "What else would you have me say?"

The lies we tell for love indeed. Robert tells Ned to finish the rest of his will with all the titles and to give it to the small council when he’s dead. But Ned is overwhelmed with grief.

Robert, you must not do this. Don’t die on me. The realm needs you.

Damn. That hits you in the gut. Ned is watching his best friend die in front of him. But Robert in Big Bob fashion takes Ned’s hand and tells him that he’s a bad liar. Besides, Robert is as bad as Aerys according to Robert.

No, Ned told his dying friend, not near so bad as Aerys, Your Grace. Not near so bad as Aerys.

Robert tells Ned that he’s going to hate ruling in his stead, but he’s to serve the boar at Robert’s funeral feast. And he has one final command

The girl, Daenerys. Let her live. If you can, if it … not too late … talk to them .. Varys, Littlefinger … don’t let them kill her. And help my son, Ned. Make him be … better than me.

This is wrenching stuff, George. Now even I feel sad, and I’m not some crybaby who emotes like a real person.

Robert gives leave for everyone to re-enter the room, and Ned goes and gets them. Renly, Pycelle and the servants come rushing back into the room. Robert finally takes milk of the poppy. Robert asks if he’ll dream, and Ned says, most definitely thinking of his own recent dream, that yes, he’ll dream. But then Robert tells Ned one final thing. Take care of my children for me. Ouch. Ned’s nearly bowled over in grief, but then he remembers Barra, Mya and Gendry.

I shall … guard your children as if they were my own.

Sleep finally over takes Robert, and Pycelle tells Ned that his friend is basically good as dead. The crazy thing about it all is that Robert should have died already, but he was still fiercely clinging to it. Renly chimes in, looking like the ghost of Robert that Robert was strong but not wise, and man, it’s real crazy how Big Bob still managed to bring the boar down while his guts were hanging out of him. 

Outside, Ned instruct Barristan that no one is to disturb Robert. And then Barristan, in Barristan fashion, talks about how he’s failed his sacred trust. Ned consoles him by saying that no one could protect Robert from Robert. Hashtag: true. But Robert was drinking a ton of wine.

I wonder, Ser Barristan, Varys says crawling out of whatever hole he was hiding in, who gave the king this wine?

Ah well, uh, y’know, it was from his own wineskin. And yeah, he had more than one drink for sure. His squire would ensure that Big Bob never got thirsty.

Such a dutiful boy to make certain His Grace did not lack for refreshment.

Uh-oh. Ned makes the connection immediately. Robert’s squires were the two Lannister boys: Lance and Tyrek. Lancel was the one in charge of the wine on this hunting trip. Varys intones darkly about hoping that the boy doesn’t blame himself. Children are so vulnerable in the innocence of their youth.

Ah, children. About that. Hey Varys, can you call off the Dany assassination thing? No can do, bruh. The birds have already flown. But sure, he’ll pretend to try. 

Ned descends from the tower down to the bridge across the dry moat when the voice of a terrorist mastermind stops him. It’s Renly. He wants a moment of Ned’s time. And he needs to speak with Ned alone. Renly asks after the letter, knowing that it’s a letter granting Ned the regency and naming Ned the Lord Protector of the Realm.

My lord, I have thirty men in my personal guard, and other friends beside, knights and lords. Give me an hour, and I can put a hundred swords in your hand.

Huh? Why would Ned need all those swords. To strike! Everybody’s asleep now. We gotta separate Joffrey from Cersei, and you Ned, holding Joffrey, you can seize the kingdom. And Cersei won’t oppose Ned if he has Joffrey. 

Ned looks at this terrorist cold.

Robert is not dead yet. The gods may spare him. And then later. I will not dishonor his last hours on earth by shedding blood in his halls and dragging frightened children from their beds.

But Renly’s not letting this go. Keep delaying, and you’re going to get us killed. There’s small chance that Robert will live. The gods can be merciful, Ned retorts. The Lannisters are not, Renly replies before slithering away like a garbage snake to go run away like a coward.

Ned gets back to his chambers, wondering if he made the right call to refuse Renly. He remembers Cersei’s words about when you play the song of thrones and fire, you win or you die or something. If Cersei decided to play brinkman, Ned might have need of Renly’s swords. He summons Littlefinger. But he has more instructions. Tommard, get ready to take the girls aboard a ship, and would you kindly take a letter that I’m about to write to Lord Stannis on Dragonstone? Don’t let anyone else besides Stannis read it. Thanks.

After Ned’s men depart, Ned looks into the flames of a candle in front of him, grief overwhelming him. He wanted to get to a heart tree and pray for Robert who had been more than a brother to him. And after all of this, the men would whisper that Ned Stark had betrayed Robert. He prayed that the gods would know him better and that Robert would know too in the afterlife. 

Ned re-reads Robert’s last will and then grabs a new parchment paper.

To His Grace, Stannis of the House Baratheon, he wrote. By the time you receive this letter, your brother Robert, our King these past fifteen years, will be dead. He was savaged by a boar whilst hunting in the kingswood …

Aw yeah, Ned’s referring to Stannis as his grace. He knows what’s up. He signs the letter, thinking that his regency is going to be super short. Yeah it’s gonna be. Ned wants nothing more than to get back to Winterfell to hear Bran laughing, go hawking with Robb, watch Rickon playing. He wanted to go to sleep with his arms wrapped around Catelyn, and … Jesus, c’mon George. This is just cruel at this point.

A moment later, Cayn returns with Littlefinger who proceeds to do Littlefinger things and congratulate Ned on his promotion to Lord Protector of the Realm. Can someone put a spear through this guy ASAP? Thanks. So, anyways, why did Ned want Littlefinger here. Well, Ned has announcement.

I know the secret Jon Arryn was murdered to protect. Robert will leave no trueborn son behind him. Joffrey and Tommen are Jaime Lannister’s bastard, born of his incestuous union with the queen.

And then Littlefinger gasps in wonder, begs forgiveness from the gods for being such an asshole and decides henceforth to a true and noble man living up to his word, right? No. Again. Never.

Shocking, Littlefinger says in a tone that suggested he was not shocked at all. The girl as well? No doubt. So when the king dies ...

Ah, well, then the throne goes to one true king Stannis, Ned replies, probably dreamily thinking about how awesome it’s going to be in A Storm of Swords when Stannis saves Westeros from Wildling invasion. But no, Creepyfinger has another course to suggest. Stannis can’t take the throne without Ned’s help. Why not y’know make sure Joffrey succeeds? It’ll be funny!

Ned stares at Littlefinger, probably wanting to choke him out again. When Ned challenges Littlefinger about whether he has a shred of honor, Littlefinger does #JustLittlefingerThings and jokes about how he has a shred of honor or some shit. But regardless, let’s y’know not allow Stannis to take the throne. Stannis ain’t your friend. He ain’t Littlefinger’s. He’s iron, hard and unyielding -- which, Littlefinger, have you even read my essay about this subject? Bunch of jackals in this fandom, I tell ya.

Littlefinger continues on. Yes, he’ll thank Ned for the crown, but it’s going to mean war (lol). Tywin will rise and so too will those lords Robert paronded who fought for Aerys. Everyone’s going to want to fuck Stannis’ shit up, and the realm will fall into chaos and bloodshed. Shit, even Balon Greyjoy is going to want to fuck Stannis’ shit up. 

But Littlefinger has a solution. Just y’know seat Joffrey. It’s fine. Really. Make peace with Cersei and Tywin, marry Sansa to Joffrey, wed Arya to Tommen, and marry Myrcella to Robb. And for that matter, it’s four years before Joffrey comes of age. And you’ll be like a father to him. And if he’s a shit king, well, then we’ll dispose of him and put Renly onto the Iron Throne.

We?

Ah yes, Littlefinger will be co-ruling: a modest price for the service he’s rendering to Ned. 

Lord Baelish, what you suggest is treason.
Only if we lose.

Then Ned gets Ned-like, thankfully. He won’t forget Jon Arryn or Jory Cassel. And he won’t forget this. Ned takes out the Valyrian steel dagger and puts it on the table between him and LIttlefinger. Remember when Ned had it in his possession from earlier? Yeah, narrative payoffs, bitch. 

Ned’s not going to forget any of that shit. Littlefinger sighs and pretends to be shocked again. So it will be Stannis and war. It’s not a choice for Ned. Stannis is the heir. Fuck yeah, Ned. Fuck yeah. Well, then, what the fuck do you want from me, Ned? Littlefinger asks like a brat. Not his wisdom. Nope. Ned’s not wanting Littlefinger’s wisdom, AKA treason. But Littlefinger, you did promise Catelyn that you would help Ned. And while Ned is Lord Protector, Joffrey is still technical son and heir to Robert. Plus, he’s got a dozen knights and hundred men-at-arms at his beckoning call. And Jaime might be on his way back to King’s Landing with an army at his back. 

And you without an army

Littlefinger begins spinning the Valyrian steel dagger on the table, probably thinking about how it’ll be the tits to put some Dashboard Confessional vinyl on his record player while he stares at a picture of Sansa in his heart locket when he gets back to his chambers. Well, you could call up Renly or Bronze Yohn Royce or Ser Balon Swann or Ser Loras, Lady Tanda, the Redwyne Twins. Won’t that be sufficient? Littlefinger cajoles Ned. Nope. It won’t be. The numbers don’t hold, plus Ned isn’t sure of where they’d actually stand in a Ned vs. Cersei confrontation. He needs more men. He needs the goldcloaks.

Ah, but when the queen proclaims one king and the Hand another, whose peace do they protect?

Littlefinger flicks the dagger with his finger, setting it spinning on the table. At long, very dramatic last, the blade points to Littlefinger.

Why there’s your answer. They follow the man who pays them.

Then Littlefinger decides to do his usually shittery. He mocks Ned for being honorable and thinks he’s an idiot for thinking it keeps him safe. But no, it only makes you heavy and unable to move.

You know why you summoned me here. You know what you want to ask me to do. You know it has to be done … but it’s not honorable. So the words stick in your throat.

Alright, deep breath everyone. Let it out slowly fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you Littlefinger. Whew! I’m already feeling better!

Ned is furious, and goddammit, but he is right to be angry. He’s so angry he can’t speak. But then Littlefinger gets shitty again and say he really should make Ned say it, because it would be hilarious. But no. He’ll go to Janos Slynt for the love he bears Catelyn. He’ll buy them all for Ned, and with that Littlefinger pulls the dagger up and hands it to Ned hilt first.

And that is AGOT, Eddard XIII, and I’m left with only one question as I finish this chapter summary: Emmett, can I punch a fictional character?  

Depth

Whew, Eddard XIII was difficult to reread! That’s not a mark against the chapter, it’s pain with a purpose and just as good as the other late Ned chapters, but there’s so much suffering and confusion in this one that it reaches a nightmarish tone very different from the mournful serenity of Eddard XII. That chapter was where everything came to a head in terms of theme and character; Eddard XIII is where the bottom falls out in terms of the larger plot. Without warning, the king is on his deathbed, and not only does that foretell a fight to fill the power vacuum, Ned is screwed because his confrontation with Cersei was predicated on Robert coming back in one piece. He doesn’t get much time to mourn, instead being immediately beset by potential paths forward. Eddard XIII is a perfect portrait of political chaos, as the center everyone was orbiting around for better or worse collapses. 

Foreshadowing/Groundwork

This isn’t the only time that GRRM focuses on a king’s will in ASOIAF. We also see Robb deliberate over his will right before arriving at the Twins for the Red Wedding. What’s interesting here is that in many ways, Robb and Jon are a distorted echo of Robert and Stannis, and while Robb deliberately names his sullen overshadowed brother as his heir, Robert inadvertently does so thanks to Ned’s intervention in writing “my heir” instead of “my son Joffrey.” 

Speaking of parallels with the one true king...as we’ve mentioned a few times before, it really seems like that after Ned and Robert died in this book, GRRM missed their dynamic and partially recreated it with Davos and Stannis. “No one to tell me no but you” regarding the murder of a child? Well, that suuuuure sounds like the Dragonstone storyline in ASOS to me!

We get a lil note about Stannis’ castle as well here, which has been mentioned but not described: “The island fortress of House Targaryen had a sinister repute.” And for good reason!

Well, I guess we gotta discuss the other Baratheon brother, don’t we? Sigh. Renly is framed as Robert’s ghost in this chapter, and GRRM will come back to that idea when we see Renly again in ACOK at the Bitterbridge tourney. Catelyn describes him there as “a ghost in a golden crown.” 

Theory/Discussion

Should Ned have taken Renly’s offer? What was Renly really up to here?

f u c k  n o

Conclusion


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