Life update (long)❤️

Hello guys! 🩷🩷🩷🩷 I feel like it's been awhile since I've given you guys an update on life and such. This will be a long one, I have so much to say!😊

A lot of things will be changing for me very soon, and while it's a bit scary, I think it'll be a good change that will bring along so many opportunities. I’ll let you guys see for yourselves within this past month! It’s something I’m super happy and excited about. 🩷

Next year I plan to start streaming on Twitch again!! I can't make any promises, but with how things are going I think it'll finally be possible. For the longest time I stopped streaming and there were many reasons that contributed to it. Firstly, I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist... lol. For awhile, I felt as though my streams were very lackluster (which imo wasn't a big problem, I was 21 or so when I started.) and I honestly didn't see the point in streaming anymore considering I wasn't a pro gamer. I know that doesn't matter and most streamers aren't pros, people watch them for their personality or other talents. But I guess since I prefer watching pro gamers stream, that mindset bled into the hobby for me lol. Thankfully, I've moved past that mindset. There are a lot of other small reasons that also contributed to it, like for example, I also had very poor internet at the time (my ethernet cable was destroyed from lightning 💀), I could only stream very late at night because I didn't like the idea of outside noises infiltrating my stream (I get distracted easily lol)... just little things like that, which made me feel like I'd be causing more issues for myself even trying to keep streaming. But truthfully, the biggest reason I stopped was due to my computer. My computer at the time was quite old for a gaming pc, and I actually did end up getting a new pc around 2023(?)- in fact, I might've streamed with it too? But this computer has caused me a lot of trouble, and I've been too busy to give it it's proper upgrades. I decided I'll be buying myself a new gaming pc within these next few months, as I've saved up more than enough money to justify it. I think once that's settled, I'll feel more comfortable with streaming again! I hope you guys can look forward to that!

Another thing I plan to do more of next year is proper cosplay photoshoots. Honestly, I've never liked professional photoshoots because I've always felt quite uncomfortable with them and truthfully, photographers never seem to capture my vision lol. Also, photoshoots are expensive (rightfully so), and I can't justify spending money on something I know I won't like the result of. But with some of the changes happening in my life, I'll be having so many more opportunities to shoot- especially since the girl who has been doing all of my photoshoots for me these past 2 years will have more time to shoot with me! I also want to start renting out spaces for these shoots and seek out good, unique and fun places for them as well. It feels very freeing to finally have a photographer that I not only feel comfortable with, but who also listens to me and understands my vision for my shoots. She's still new, but I feel like she's improved so much throughout the years while taking my photos! I'm seriously excited and I hope I can get at least 1 proper photoshoot out a month!! Again, you guys know me lol... no promises, but this is my goal and I will try my hardest to reach it.

There are many other positive changes I hope to bring in regard to cosplay and my online presence. I know I've been slower over the past few years, and honestly, I think that's just what happens once you get older. But I know I can do more, and I want to do more. I think I'm finally at a point where I feel comfortable doing more. Truthfully, I never wanted cosplay to become a job because I didn't want to burn out or for it to get ruined for me. I think this fear also caused me to take a step back from it a little more. I had so many aspirations and ideas, but I never executed any of them because I was scared of burning myself out. I'm an introverted person and I struggle a lot with creative work because, while I love it & it is my true passion, it takes up so much of my brain power. Cosplay is a relatively easy hobby, but with true effort it really is a lot of work. Planning photoshoots, hiring photographers, guesting at cons, sponsorship work, staying on top of trends, styling wigs, sewing costumes, building props. These are all things I do but in a very, very small portion which makes them extremely easy. I post simple cosplays from my bedroom, and I enjoy it a lot. I love the simplicity of it, and it never stresses me out because I'm just having fun in my room with my hobby. But these days I want to put more of that work in, and I want to try harder. I've never cared much about numbers, followers, even the money- interestingly, I enjoy having less followers because there's a certain pressure that comes with having so many people follow you. I never really feel like I can be myself without feeling somehow inauthentic or as though I'm performing for an audience of people who expect something of me. But at the same time, I appreciate and love having so many people who enjoy my work following me. Cosplayers who post online want SOME sort of attention, let’s be real lol. I wouldn't trade my luck for the world, and I thank God every day that I was blessed like this. I think I should be less afraid of burn out or stress, and just allow myself to work harder without worry. I have a vision and I want to share it with people! That's what makes me feel so passionate about cosplay.

All of this to say, next year, I'll be working harder and putting myself out there more! I want to do more moody, dark photoshoots of characters I love! My Maria photoshoot from last year was one of the most fun and exciting things I've done in awhile, and I want to do more of those things. Hell, I want to do more cute and elegant photoshoots! All of it!! I want to stream again, and play games and talk to you guys. I also want to cosplay on stream!! There are so many things I miss and want to do, and I think I'll be taking that step soon.

Thank you guys for sticking with me for so long, I really love and appreciate you and all you've done for me. If you've read all of this, thank you again lol. I remember there was a time I use to do monthly updates and I kind of miss that. Hopefully, I can share life updates with you more. <3