Survival Record 18

Hello everyone, this is nejipan.
This is an automated blog. I'm feeling a bit energetic today, so I decided to write early. The internet might be a bit difficult to use for a short period, so for a while, most updates might be automatic posts.

Survival Record 17 | Patreon ←Survival Record17

Here's a record of recent events...
It's just a simple murmur, so don't worry about it.
Since the end of September, I've run out of medication, and due to a calculation mistake, I also missed my chance for a consultation. My primary doctor is currently on a business trip, so I'm really frustrated and unsettled because of that.
Yesterday, I couldn't get in touch with my doctor, so I called another doctor and was told to calm down for a while and visit both a psychiatrist and a psychological counselor.
I went to see them and took some psychological tests. As expected, the diagnosis sheet said that depression was okay, my mania was a little severe, but it was quite serious regarding 'hostile relationships.'
Well, it's not surprising, but I don't really know if it's true. They say this can affect your illness and potentially cause issues in the brain.
But in modern society, it's normal for people to get a little frustrated or depressed.

I don't know if it will work, but for a while, I have no choice but to take some mental health medication. It can't be helped. It seems the previous medication won't be available for more than half a month, and this medicine is said to soothe emotions in the brain and relieve nerve pain in the body.

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This is a secret, so please don’t tell anyone. Please help nejipan live as a normal person.

There has always been something a little unusual about me since I was a child. Even though I can do things like a normal person, even as an adult, I’ve realized that my actions and thoughts are different from those of ordinary people. Friends and family often say things like, 'Are you really from Earth?' or 'Are you really from this world?' I know it's a joke, but it happens way too often. So from other people's perspective, sometimes they think I’m a bit weird too… Experts in this field have told me that I’m not very smart, my brain didn’t develop properly, or that there are problems with my brain, but I understand all of that. I have various deficiencies in my thinking and emotions, and even with adult experiences, there are parts that I can’t make up for. Oh, but I’m not a dumb idiot! I used to be fairly good at studying! I’ve even been a leader at work! …But I had to quit because of illness, and there was nothing I could do about it (laughs)… Reality is tough.

Even if you’re not smart, you have to keep trying. You can’t give up. right？

However, when I was a student, I was quite liked by teachers and classmates. Even though I didn’t talk much, I didn’t really understand why everyone liked me so much. Especially, I was liked too much by the teachers, to the point where I didn’t even have the courage to skip or cheat in class… But maybe the teachers liked me just because they had leverage over me, to make me do my homework properly ＿|￣|○il||li.

I’m not socially inept; I can have normal conversations. I can communicate normally at work and in daily life… oh, maybe not now, but for a long time since my illness, I haven’t really talked to people properly… sigh. I was born with a weak heart (prone to illness) and a slightly unusual brain (difficult to control mentally). If there are people like this around you, how do they live? Do they just go with the flow all their lives, or do they struggle with things that ordinary people wouldn’t even think about? Sometimes I just don’t understand myself. Ah, I really am complicated. Thank you for reading this far; I’m still fighting my illness without giving up. Everyone, do your best too! I’d also appreciate your support.