Free

Maybe some of you were wondering why The Ridleys page was quiet for a whole week. That's because the social media manager (me) went to Taiwan for 5 days with Sofia. Let me tell you more about it.

The trip to Taiwan was a much-needed time of rest for me. For the months before that, I was stuck in an endless loop of gigs, band meetings, and writing sessions. More and more, music has felt like work, a mindset so opposite to the one I had when I first started - when music was just a passion project rather than full-time work. Some people say that if you land your dream job, you'll never work a day in your life. Those people have never been more wrong. Work is still work. And working for 7 months straight while dealing with personal crises is exhausting, to say the least.

In that state of exhaustion, I developed this notion that doing music full-time removed that feeling of freedom from me. I used to write in the jeep on the way home from school/work, thinking about the joy of sitting in front of a computer and recording different instruments and melodies. There was genuine excitement in creation back then. I started to think that now, I can't just write to express; I have to write to keep myself and the whole team employed.

My time in Taiwan showed me how wrong that mindset was. Doing music full-time did not make me a slave; I developed that mindset myself. When I started making music, I looked inward and upward. I listened to my heart, put my feelings to song, then recorded them for safekeeping. From my perspective, I wrote for two people: myself, and God. Now, however, I have the temptation to write for people.

While writing for people isn't bad, I need to realize that my real supporters are those who do not demand anything from me except to be my authentic self. It would be a disservice to my real supporters if I paid attention to the general public. It's exhausting. Pardon my french: it's so fucking exhausting. Since I write for a living - my own and everyone else in the team - I thought that catering to the public was a necessary evil. I mistakenly thought that the general public paid my bills. I had to realize and realize again that the One sustaining me is the One who called me here in the first place. I mistakenly thought that I had to post on social media every day so people would keep thinking of The Ridleys and keep streaming our songs. While that strategy helped temporarily, I realize again that it's messing up with my psyche as the band's main songwriter. I can't do everything. I was called to be a songwriter; I need to take care of my mind and soul.

Pressure of providing for the band, pressure to make the general public happy, pressure to maintain our social media presence: being disconnected from all that pressure reminded me that I am free. I don't belong to anyone except God. As long as I'm true to myself, true to God, and true to my team, then I don't have to think about what other people think. Maybe this is my version of a rockstar life.

In Taiwan, I wasn't Benny of The Ridleys. I was just a random tourist enjoying excellent public transportation, mouth-watering food, and well-maintained national parks and museums. There's a lot to say about Taiwan, but I'd rather post vlogs about them on my personal page. But this is the gist: I was free. I was reminded that I was a free being, unbound by anything and anyone. I can do as I wish.

Now what do I wish to do? Honestly... Nothing so different from what I'm doing now. I want to write songs. I want to perform at more live shows. I want to post on social media when I feel like it. I want to take the business part of this band thing seriously. I want everyone in the team to eat good and make a living from music. I want to give my all for the people who matter. I want to do all these things because I'm free to. I am not obligated to do these things. I do these out of my own free will. If I am a slave to anyone, it is to God, who wants me to be free and overflow with love.

Right now, I feel like writing another entry. The possible final version of album 4. I have so many stories to tell. I am given the great privilege of sharing these freely. My mental health may be at an all-time low, but these are steps towards healing. I am free.

(On another note, I'm writing this entry while listening to LUVVBREAKCYCLE by GRE!. One of the most important albums of 2025. Fairview boy music. Such a well-written album. Please check it out.)