The Ridleys - In the Most Unlikely Places

1. Twenty-Seven

2. Life Goes On

3. Death by Design

4. Baptize

5. Waves

6. Lightness

7. Piranesi

8. Don't Buy Green Bananas

9. I Never Wanna Lose You

10. Otherwise

All of the notes I've written for the past albums were addressed to my dear listeners, when they were still so few. It's a different story now. So many voices surround me, claiming to know me because of my tracks. I don't dislike them for it. Wanting to empathize isn't a bad thing. But at some point, they have to realize that it is not me that they see in the tracks, but a reflection of their own soul.

For example, when people listen to the first album, they see me as a young, lovesick wanderer; this is usually because they are young, lovesick wanderers themselves. Based on the many posts and write-ups about me, this once-true image is the one most associated with me. Whenever I sing songs from 'Reflection on Moonlight & Poetry,' songs I wrote in college, I always feel my age. When I reflect on the lyrics and the melodies, I think to myself, "I'm not this heartbroken anymore. I'm not this infatuated anymore. I'm not this melancholic anymore. I sure as hell don't have this much energy anymore. I have found the answers to all the juvenile questions asked in this album. I now ask different questions. So why do I still sing these?" For the listeners. Always for the listeners.

Understanding this perception of me, I leaned into the Loverboy motif when I wrote the third album. The result? A commercial success. This is not to say that the songs from the third album are phony or inauthentic, a product of marketing rather than heart. But Sofia knows that the things I tell her in person are sweeter than anything I've written the previous album. The ten-track album succinctly but inadequately conveys how much I love my wife. The songs are general enough to be applicable to other people's love lives, which makes me happy. That these couples use 'All These and More' songs for their proposals and weddings brings me immense joy.

Songs from the first album, and now the third, belong to the people now. When I sing these songs for people, I turn into a version of myself that they need: the Benny they think they know, the Benny who has found love and is now living out his happy ending with no care in the world. This is a half-truth. Another half-truth people believe about me is that I am a good person. The truth is that I'm just as human as anyone else, attempting and failing to be as good as I want to be.

So, who am I, really? Even I don't know. That's why I write.

Notice that I have not yet mentioned 'Until I Reach the Sun.' There is a reason for this. The Ridleys' second album is one of the few projects that are truly mine (alongside my solo EP, 'Old Friends in the City.') A big factor is that it's such a painful and complex album. No one claims to know me through the album, because even I have not resolved the mystery of my soul. Why do I run away from the people who love me? Why do I feel immense shame when I make every small mistake? The answers elude me. All I know is that I am loved, and that I am not alone. These is the greatest mystery to me, one I delight and take comfort in.

This next album, "In the Most Unlikely Places," is another attempt to untangle my mind. It's about walking through anxiety and dancing with dread as the world turns and waits for no one. Many questions are posed here, ones that sometimes generate more questions than answers.

"Who am I?" I am who I am.

"Am I a good person?" Not really.

"Why do I choose death over life?" Is Freud right?

"Is this life all there is?" Who knows?

"How should I deal with mortality?" You are free to do this however you wish; through music, if it pleases you.

"How can I enjoy life, knowing that there is an end to all things?" Is there an end to all things?

"What is the purpose of life?" Whatever you wish it to be; might I propose: to love and be loved.

"Does love have an end?" No.

"How can one be assured that love has no end?" Through childlike faith.

Writing these out, I now understand why the Loverboy image frustrates me. They take my philosophy about love and apply it mainly to romance, when romance is just a part of the whole. Romance is not everything. Life would be unbelievably sad if romance was everything.

The more I live this life, the more I see that love is divine. It is something shared between two individuals. It is more than good-will or kindness, although love involves those things. Love involves every good thing. Love is desiring to share life with another, so much so that the line between self and other become blurred. I feel that people in the modern age mistake this oneness for romance. And if every kind of love was romance, life would be disgusting. The thought of it disturbs me, even as I type. My skin crawls. But back to the topic.

There is a kind of love that comes only from God. It is the kind of love that willed us into being and continues to sustain us. God wants us to exist because he loves us. He wants to share a oneness with us, if we would only desire the same. There is a kind of clarity that enters the human mind when it even begins to attempt to understand divine love. I do my best to articulate it through song. I feel like this is something I will do for the rest of my life.

This divine kind of love finds me in the most unlikely places: in a now-closed-down bar, where we held what we thought to be our last show ever; in a passion-project-turned-work that we still miraculously call home; in the messy-clean apartment of a new friend who would eventually become this album's producer; in a foreign land, and all its unfamiliar sights, tastes, sounds, and smells; out in the crowd, with people slowly becoming more unfamiliar to me. People paint me online as an expert on love. But the more I experience this love, the more I realize how wretched I am. The more people I meet, the more I realize how small my heart is.

I realize now that I'm not sick of love; in fact, I want to love more. I want to love beyond romance. I want people to love beyond romance. That starts with the desire for divine love. I hope this album plays a part in awakening that.