74 - Blinded By the Light

The second I knock on Vanessa’s door, it opens. She beckons me inside and closes the door behind, then begins to speak, but I cut her off.

“Not yet,” I say. “Grab my hand.”

She does so hesitantly, and with a thought, I bring both of us into Trinity’s voidspace. It’s pitch black in here still. I need to get one of those fancy glowy stones I see all over the place to light it up. Not yet, of course, I also need a curtain or something to hide Trinity’s corpses. 

Vanessa gasps as the light disappears, and I feel her hand squeeze tighter against mine. I forcibly pull away, and sit down before telling her to do the same. After a few seconds, she does the same, facing me perfectly.

“D-do you have any light?” she asks.

“It’s better that you don’t see what else is in here.”

It’s really just the corpse, but still. I also don’t want to be able to see her face. It might make this harder than it needs to be.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” I ask. 

I’m not sure if she wants to talk about me, or if it’s something else, but I think it would be best to just get the reincarnation business out of the way right now. However she reacts, it will be out of the way, and I’ll be able to focus better on the Climb. I also won’t have her asking me if it’s “later” yet anymore. Not that she’s done it recently, but I’m sure it’s coming.

“...You got stronger again,” she says after a few seconds.

“I did.”

“A lot stronger.”

“Yes.”

Get to the point.

“...Organa talked to me while you were out in the northern region.”

“About what?”

“She wants to recruit me to the Hatep family.”

“It’s not a bad offer. You could probably grow a lot there.”

“She was only doing it to try to get to you through me.”

“She thought that would work?”

“I don’t think so, but she at least thought it was worth a try.”

“And? What did you say?”

“I said I wasn’t sure. She gave me a pill that she said would take me straight to Late 1 star if I consumed it. Maybe Peak if I was efficient with my absorption. But if I eat it, that means that I’m agreeing to join the Hateps.”

“And you clearly haven’t eaten it yet.”

“Yes. It’s right here.”

She pulls something out from her pocket, and I hear a click followed by an herbal aroma and a vibrant oum. That is definitely a top quality spirit pill, and I think that Organa was being a bit pessimistic with her estimate. I bet Vanessa could ride that all the way to Peak without much trouble.

“Are you going to eat it?” I ask. “It would help you a lot.”

“If I did, would I get strong enough that you would let me Climb with you?”

I don’t respond. 

“I thought so,” she says after a few seconds. “To be honest, I really wanted to. Organa told me about all the things she could teach me. My affinities are Life and Connection. She was saying that there’s a whole subset of Hateps with those affinities who focus specifically on supporting skills. Donating their oum to main fighters, healing from a distance, projecting shields and things like that. I thought that maybe if I took the pill and learned those techniques, I might be good enough to go with you. Even with it, I still wouldn’t be as strong as you, but I might at least be able to Climb with you, supporting you from behind. Even as strong as you are, you could use someone watching your back.

“I decided to wait until you got back, and then when you finally did we got busy with the Starter Quest, so I still didn’t have time to bring it up. But as we worked and traveled, I realized something. There’s nothing I can do, is there? No matter how strong I get, or how useful I can be, you’re going to leave without me anyway. Right?”

“...You’ve always been really observant.”

“Can you at least tell me why?”

Dammit, this is harder than I thought. I came in here fully intending to tell her, but now the words aren’t working. The answer to her question is the explanation I mean to give, but I don’t know how to word it.

“Please?”

“...Can you guess how old I am?”

“...1,000?”

“Higher.”

“2,000?”

“You’re orders of magnitude off.”

“...20,000?”

“I don’t actually know the true answer,” I say. “But it’s at least 50,000. Maybe closer to 100,000. And that’s just what I remember.”

“How?”

“Whenever I die, I get reborn. Over and over again. Endlessly.”

“Then the reason you want to Climb the Tower…”

“I just want-” My voice cracks. “I just want it to end.”

A few seconds of silence pass, then Vanessa suddenly leans forward and pulls me into a hug. I resist at first, but then accept it, and for a few minutes, we just sit like that. No words. No movements. No sounds. Just warmth. 

“You know what I think?” says Vanessa, her mouth by my ear. “I think you’re lonely.”

I gently push her away.

“Maybe,” I reply. “But that doesn’t change my goal.”

“But it can change how you get there. You don’t need to keep being alone. You have other people who can go with you. Who want to go with you. You don’t have to leave them behind.”

“I know…”

“But you’re still going to leave anyway?”

“...Probably.”

“Is there anything I can do to make you take me with you?”

“...Prove that you’ll make it all the way.”

“What?”

“Prove that you have what it takes to reach the top. If you can do that… I might let you join me.”

“Really?”

Why did I say that?

“Yes.”

Why did I say that?

“How do I prove myself?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then how will you know if I’ve proven myself? What if I’ve already proven myself?”

“You haven’t.”

Honestly, I don’t even know what it takes to reach the top. How would I? But the thought of Climbing with someone who will die or retire halfway up feels wrong. How is that any different from before? They’ll stay behind while I’ll keep moving. 

“How do you know?”

“I’ll know it when I see it.”

Hopefully.

Vanessa is silent for a few seconds, then sighs. 

“Alright,” she says. “But you’d better be watching. Because I will prove it to you.”

“...Okay.”

A few more seconds of silence pass, then I stand up.

“Alright, let’s get out of here.”

Without waiting for her to respond, I eject us both from the voidspace. The dim light of the room is blinding after the pitch blackness of the voidspace, but I ignore the spots in my eyes and walk out of the room. Vanessa doesn’t stop me, which I’m grateful for. I don’t know what else I’d say if I stayed.

I need something to take my mind off this. Sam said that we could go collect our rewards today, right? That’s good. If I get my miracle herbs, that should keep me occupied for a little while before I head back to the desert. 

I arrive at the arena soon after, only to find that the entire team needs to be with me to be able to get our prizes. Apparently though, June had the same idea as me, so reluctantly, she goes back to fetch the others. I do my best not to talk to anyone, and thankfully, Vanessa helps me out with that. 

The prize selection process is interesting. Rather than a catalogue that we select from, Sam takes us into a separate area where all the prizes are physically laid out on tables. There are eight each of the top level prizes, so there is no trouble getting the best items. Each member of the group grabs one of the Seven Color Star Fruit after I recommended it to them sometime during the preparations, and the rest is up to them. 

Timmy, surprisingly, doesn’t go for the 10,000 Year Ginseng, and instead goes for a bag of seeds that I had completely overlooked on the list of prizes. I’m not sure what they’re for, but they have pretty strong Life oum around them. 

Vanessa copies me and takes a 10,000 Year Ginseng. Kat, June, and Al all pick weapons, Jenny takes a cultivation pill, and I didn’t see what Jacob grabbed, but he’s being very secretive about it.

Now that I’m with the group again, something here is a bit odd. There’s the obvious, which is that Jacob is now Middle 1 star instead of Low, despite not being close enough to get there naturally, but there’s also a subtle shift in atmosphere. There’s a divide between him and the rest. Something must have happened while I was underground. That reminds me that I probably need to figure out who trapped me down there, and what happened to the others while I was gone. That can wait though. I want some alone time. 

After choosing our prizes, we all head to a separate room where all our trophies are kept. I only take my mushrooms and leave the rest to be divided among the others. I couldn’t really care less about the Tower Credits the trophies will sell for, but these mushrooms are mine, and none of the others object. Timmy does try to say something, but I ignore him and slip away too quickly for him to follow. 

On the way back, I’m in a bit of a better mood. Having not one, but three cultivation resources so powerful they never could have existed on Earth is a good way to make someone feel better, apparently. I have my usual band of stalkers after me, but I pay less attention to them than usual as I head back to the dorm. I push through the group crowding the entrance to the dorm, and I’m about to pull the door open when I notice someone leaning against the wall that makes me pause. It’s Nadia.

Huh, I almost forgot about her. I guess I did need to go see her now that I can get into Trinity’s voidspace. Though I doubt that’s what she’s here for. She looks serious, and she looks like she was waiting for me. This is probably about those people that tried to kill me. 

“Follow me,” she says.

I nod, and she starts leading me to Griffin Hall. The stalker crowd parts before her, and the ones following keep a much greater distance between us than usual. I wonder if that’s just because Nadia is an Administrator, or if there’s something specific about Nadia that makes them want to keep their distance.

It doesn’t really matter though. We make it to Griffin Hall uninterrupted, and when we enter, the people look at me with a mixture of both confusion, and a bit of fear. Something seems off. That feeling only grows as we enter the office and she sits down, her expression grim. Then, I notice what’s off.

“Where’s your apprentice?” I ask. “His name is Yuri, right?”

“Dead,” says Nadia.

“Oh.”

“Your group killed him.”

“What?”

“It was self defense though. Arguably. I’m not holding any grudges. It was his own foolishness that got him killed. He was also the one who ordered that the cave you entered be blown up, so I doubt you would have let him off easily regardless.”

“Yeah, probably not.”

Well, that answers those questions. I’m a little confused on how they managed to do it, but at least the culprit is already taken care of.

“I also have a confession to make,” Nadia continues. “When we were talking about the people that tried to kill you before in the northern region, I lied.”