V-41 Dietary (I)

Now, the various factions, sects, governments, nations, and empires across Integration don't want you to know this, but if you're good enough at kidnapping and mental torture, you can force a fairy to bribe you to let them go. In fact, I strongly recommend this. It's one of the few good things about interacting with fairies: they can't die, so you can get up to all kinds of fun stuff with them. Frosting on the pain-cake is the fact that their minds also recover after the cycle ends, so they’ll snap back to their original state at some point, which means if you’re already close to the end of a Fairwoods narrative, you can go nuts.

Now, if you know anything about the Fae, you understand that they're really, really cunning in some ways and have this despicable childlike innocence in them and others. They're elemental creatures. That makes them vulnerable. And let me tell you: it really, really feels good when you manage to squeeze a few gifts out of them. Now, why should you listen to me? You might ask. 

Well, it's simple: I, the Realmrunner, treasure hunter extraordinaire, trafficker of all races, peoples, monsters and things, might as well be a Mythic Pathbearer when it comes to the delicate skills of child kidnapping and emotional abuse. But if you're going to hurt something that's a little bit like a child, you need to build up to it. It's a very meticulous act. You can't just be beating them all the time. It’s too much pain, too much despair. Their mind will break before you get anything out of it. 

The fae can go insane. You don't want that. A mad fae is just that - it's mad and it's unkillable and takes too long to recover. Unless you're its proper adversary, you're just stuck with this ruined, unkillable thing you probably have shoved in a cold iron cage somewhere. It’s shit and very bad for your profits.

What you want to do is traumatize it first. It needs to be absolutely terrified of you. So terrified that it will never seek retribution or try to mend its heart through some bullshit quest of forgiveness or revenge, but instead it will stay far the hell away from you afterward and while it's in your custody, it will do anything it can for it to be returned to the Fairwoods. That’s the special ingredient—for abuse to be truly potent, you need to inject a bit of hope into the mix. You know—the possibility of things getting better.

Now, as said before, fuck the Fairwoods. Fuck it, fuck it all to the deepest hells. You don't want to go there, but any fairy that leaves the Fairwoods? They made a mistake. They're not supposed to be out of place during the cycle, so you can really squeeze them. If you have time, the easiest thing to do is simply tell them what's happening back at home. Tell them how their courts won't forgive them. They really can't stand that. After you do that, cold iron can also add a little bit of physical torment in the mix. Not too much though. Again, if you go too hard, they'll just break. Broken fairies are useless.

After that, the magic happens. They’ll hit a point where they’ll do anything, agree to anything, offer anything just to be let go—and you squeeze them.

I recommend making them give you one of their skills or a unique piece of equipment beyond something stupid like a treasure. You can find golden shit everywhere. But a Fae Skill? Or an instrument of cyclical fate? That’s rare. And that’s worth all the effort.

-Fairy and the Fairwoods by the Realmrunner

V-41

Dietary (I)

“So, Head Chef Velly’s really dead?” 

Shiv grunted in acknowledgment as he healed another of the surviving chefs. There were twelve in total, twelve out of the forty he extracted from the kitchen of Monster Mystery Meat. A great many had expired within cocoons of mold and yeast. The bread had grown into their organs and settled in their vessels; compromised the structure of their brains and organs. 

They died long before Shiv could do anything for them. By now, Shiv was inured to all the death and pointless cruelty, but something still gnawed at him. Something felt truly wrong here. A kitchen wasn't supposed to be a battlefield. Stressful, miserable, and desperate though a place it might be, it was a temple of creation. It was a place that was holy to him, a place of art and to see it so violated by the fae filled him a deeper urge to commit violence.

Yet, thanks to his Sage of the Enkindled Heart skill, he was uncompromised by his anger. Instead, it now proved a resource for him to wield. It was a power for him to concentrate his skills, and he devoted every bit of fury he possessed into his Practical Metabiology skill. From there, he conducted more in-depth examinations of the chefs. This felt like a lead-up to his volunteering session later this night, but just as well, he was making himself useful. Making himself useful despite how much he wanted to rage, how much he wanted to throw a tantrum.

In a weird way, Shiv was being refined. He wielded himself. He shaped himself like a raw piece of iron, kindled by the heat of his rage, smelting his very emotions and psychology toward positive progression rather than pointless outrage. He used this opportunity to stress his new Multi-Tasking Skill Evolution and push his Practical Metabiology toward the final edge. His Vitae and mana hydras operated subconsciously, applying treatments and carrying things to each of the chefs without any need for thought on Shiv’s part. The former skill gained a few levels, but the latter lingered. He was close, though. Close to another breakthrough.

If only that could soothe his raging soul.

Bifurcated Processing 52 > 53

Aegis of Assimilation 127 > 128

Looking upon the survivors filled Shiv with misery. They were—even now—chefs capable of cooking. No one here was stained with the curse that reduced him to merely an engine of destruction. But he didn't let that overcome him, the same way he didn't reject Adam's request to step away from the Anointed One. 

Before gaining his Sage of the Enkindled Heart Skill, Shiv would have continued brutalizing the fae. He would have lost all sense of self, all coherence just to inflict a bit more pain. Right now though, this was true emotional power, this was self-domination—the highest domination there was.

Sage of the Enkindled Heart: No. Don’t think that way. You’re coping with arrogance and want to feed your own ego to make up for what you lost again. Take the loss. It hurts, but we will deal with you. You don’t need to pretend that you’re uninjured or immune to pain. We can take it. We can face it. We can use it. But we have to be honest with ourselves.

“Right, honest with myself,” Shiv said, echoing the words of his skill.

“So, what do we do now?” A voice nearby asked.

"I'm sorry?" Shiv looked at one of the chefs staring at him. This one was called... Shiv drew upon his Bifurcated Processing skill and his Memorization triggered in tandem on its own. “Michael Bernstein was it?”

Memorization 16 > 18

The chef looked surprised that Shiv knew. “I… Yeah…” He nodded. “I… I just wanna know what we’re going to do now. I mean—I know who—I won’t tell anyone you were here. I promise. I just need to get home. I need to—we can’t stay here. Everyone—so many people died; we can’t stay!”

Shiv watched as the young chef threatened to come undone before him. Michael was a commis, the same role as the one Shiv volunteered for. He'd been working at Monster Mystery Meat for quite some time—nearly six months to be exact. He was mainly in charge of peeling potatoes and doing preparatory work when the outbreak happened. The fact that he wasn't that important and was merely a bystander kept him alive longer as well. The chefs in charge of the stations had been among the earliest casualties—were executed in front of the rest by the Anointed Knight in a fit of rage.

And now Michael bore those scars. He and the other chefs were wounded in a way Shiv couldn’t easily fix.

Sage of the Enkindled Heart: Maybe you can help them modulate their feelings in time, but time is something you don’t have, and you can’t risk getting exposed by them either. More problems have come from this good deed. It would have been more practical and beneficial if we just abandoned them.

But that’s not who I want to be, Shiv thought. That’s not the world I want to see. We’re not doing things because they’re practical, we’re doing things because we want things to turn out right. We want the world to be better. What other point is there to being powerful? Why else be a Legendary Pathbearer if I can’t even do that?

Michael Bernstein was a young man, perhaps only ten years older than Shiv. His skin was soft, hinting at a very low Toughness skill, and his Physicality and Reflexes were nearly non-existent as well. He was the very opposite of a martial. The same could be said about most of the other chefs too. Maybe Velly and some of his direct subordinates were warriors too, but the survivors here were of no threat to anyone.

And that’s why they were the survivors. The Anointed One was making sure he didn’t face any actual danger from the survivors. It’s what Shiv would have done if he wanted to maintain control.

Some of the chefs sobbed while others held each other, muttering hollow words of encouragement. Their uniforms were still caked in yeast and breadcrumbs, and their hearts looked wretched to Shiv. Instead of seeing cores that could be filled with anger, the shape that nested within their centers resembled a mess of broken pieces.

The fey bread had trapped them in a special kind of hell. Between suffocation and being trapped with the corpses of their dead fellows, the psychological harm they suffered was immense. Shiv's gazed upon them with new eyes now, his Sage of the Enkindled Heart let him guide his outrage, guide how he acted, with his emotions now more leashed to his mind—his anger feeding his psycho-socio intellect.

The chefs couldn’t do the same. They were animals. I was an animal, Shiv realized. The epiphany hit him. It was both bitter, sour, and horrifying to understand. It was the kind of enlightenment that cut one to the quick. He was so easy to provoke his attention, his reactions so easy to program. Previously, he chose violence. He was compelled to it. Whatever offended him, whatever hurt him, would be attacked with every bit of force and magic he could muster. 

There would be no strategy during his rages. No attempt to bargain or think. Shiv was a warrior of low and instinctive cunning, even if he wasn’t that educated. But even that low cunning went away when he was sufficiently furious. That wasn't the case now, anymore. With his fury, his mind grew sharper, clearer, his thoughts flowed more easily. He didn't think any faster or remember any better, but he understood things about himself. He was clear about why he did certain things, why and what emotions provoked him to commit certain actions. And this self-dissection left him feeling… unnerved.

He looked upon the people within the clinic he established inside the massive pantry of Monster Mystery Meat. They were in good physical condition now, and had places to rest. Shiv shaped some furniture using the materials he assimilated from his previous corpses to supplement the existing seating he could find. He also scavenged water and nutrient bars from the second floor of the building. The chefs needed to eat, especially after being deprived for so long. 

One thing he didn't give them, however, was bread. Bread was in abundance in the kitchen, but after their recent experiences with the fae, Shiv guessed that they wouldn't be looking at baked goods or pastries the same way, for a long, long time. 

Maybe even for the rest of their lives.

On top of all that, there was another issue. One that Michael touched on. They had seen him in his Deathless guise, and the notification had triggered for all of them as well. Most of them barely reacted, but Shiv caught a few straight looks. They knew who he was. They were aware of the reward on offer if someone managed to slay him. He doubted any of them would try taking his life right now, but he couldn't be sure with their mental state. 

When or if the the crisis within the Monster Mystery Meat got out, the Inquisition would conduct a full-scale investigation that would bring in Psychomancers and Investigators. The Prismatic Guard would probably join in as well. Shiv guessed they had good odds of tracking him down, and he didn't need that,

This left him with a few ugly choices.

The first was using his Psychomancy to make proper mental adjustments to the chefs. But there was a risk here. He didn't much care about either of the DeGrailles that he mutilated memory-wise earlier. He definitely dealt lasting psychological and neurological damage to them, but considering what they were doing and how many died because of them, they had it coming.

The chefs didn't deserve that, though, and to alter their minds without harming them required someone who was an expert.

That led to option two: Invoke a service from Neath. 

He knew that as an underworld enterprise they must have someone who could cover up evidence and that meant a working criminal Psychomancer was probably hireable.

After that, there were the options that deepened Shiv’s misery. He didn’t want to talk with Veronica or Cripple. Not about this. 

I should talk to Adam about this and see what he thinks.

Just as Shiv thought that, the Gate Lord appeared from the wine cellar, striding free as his vector wings glowed behind him. His shattered star hovered behind his head, and it seemed brighter than ever. Shiv could feel the power trickling out of it. The Deathless wondered why that was—if Adam had used his ability in some way on the Anointed Knight.

Probably to fix the burns in left on him, Shiv guessed.

However, another thing sought all the Deathless's attention as well: He saw a building anxiety in behind Adam's eyes.

"So, how's our guest doing?" Shiv asked.

"Well, you might be pleased to hear that he's quite terrified of you, but on top of that, I managed to confirm a few things with him." To start, Adam drew in a breath aside, "and this entire thing happened because the chefs here were also moonlighting as Fairwalkers. So, the fault is entirely the bread’s fault. The damned fools did actually steal from the Summer Court.”

"The hell's is a Fairwalker?" Shiv asked.

"People who dive across into the Fairwoods to raid the eternal realm for exalted treasures and potential Fae Skills."

Shiv's eyes widen slightly: "Fae Skills? What? You can get a Fae skill in the Fairwoods?”

"Such is the rumor." Adam shrugged: "Haven't met anyone with such a skill, but it's not impossible. Fae Magic and Fae Mana are quite different from what we have anyhow, and getting a blessing from a princess of one of the courts is rare..." The Gate Lord paused: "And quite double-edged at times. Anyhow, Head Chef Velly and a few of his more trusted companions ventured over and performed a heist on the Summer Court as the last cycle was ending. Apparently, the Fairwoods undergoes a sort of mixed-apocalypse ending enacted by one of the four courts. The one that wins must defend against the others and should they prevail, they start the next cycle as the dominant court.

“As such, The Anointed Bread Knight and his lesser pawns had not woken at that time, When he did, he was outraged, for if Princess Plum Blossom didn't taste him and find nourishment in his toasted flesh, then the harvest this year would be weakened, and the balance of power between the four courts would tilt toward winter. And with the Winter Court already holding the upper hand… His agitation has its reasons.”

"Ok, all that tracks. So what do you think we should do about him? Can’t seem to kill his ass, so…”

The Gate Lord grimaced and looked over the shivering chefs beneath a skin-tent Shiv made. “What do you even have them hiding under.”

“Skin tent.”

“Right. Well, at least your still the normal levels of psychotic I remember you being.” Adam sighed. “I hoped this just to be a hectic day of cooking or other Shiv-type weirdness. Of course there will always be chaos when you and I are involved, but this is a little bit more than we anticipated."

Shiv almost groaned. “Felling system doesn’t want us to ever have easy or smooth anymore.”

"Indeed," Adam replied with a sigh. The concern in Adam's gaze intensified. "Are you alright?"

Shiv considered the question. "Hells, I'm not going to do anything stupid or destructive, if that's what you're asking, but I don't know, I kind of feel like shit. I still feel like shit. The anger's there, and part of me just wants to throw a childish tantrum that ends with me driving my frying pan through the skull of Maiden. But I'm also very clear that it's a purely emotional response. I'm looking for catharsis, but it's not real. You know? It's like it will feel good hurting her, but it doesn't make up for my Cooking being taken away from me. You get what I'm saying? It’s like the part of me that knows and understands is finally stronger than the part that feels. And it gets stronger as I get angrier.”

Adam just kept staring and shifted. "Your anger makes you think clearer, is that what you claimed earlier? Because of your Skill Evolution?”

"Yep. Sage of the Enkindled Heart. You ever heard of that skill?"

The Gate Lord shook his head. "No, it's uncanny. And… Well, it’s not—eh…”

“Doesn’t fit me?”Shiv managed a weak smile. 

"Going on a bloody rampage and destroying everything… Yeah, that would be more historically accurate to how you would behave.”

“The urge is still there, but it doesn't compel me anymore. It's like..." Shiv looked at his hands and realized they weren't shaking at all. "It's like a part of me has been put away. It's been placed somewhere else, somewhere I can reach into and just decide to do things. I still feel things, but my emotions, my thoughts, and my logic have been decoupled. They're connected by the skill. insulated.”

Adam looked worried. "Are you sure that's good for your mind? Don’t misunderstand, I like and find myself envious of the control but… Shiv, I just want to know if something is wrong.”

“I was wondering if I went insane earlier too,” Shiv replied, understanding. “You can say it. It’s weird. But I like it.”

Sage of the Enkindled Heart: Still, he poses a good question. You do not know where this skill came from, if it's human or bestial. It might make you seem insane in certain ways. It might literally make you insane. You aren't entirely based off Tarrasque mentally. There is more than a bit of you that is human. You need to be very careful and keep an eye on your own psychological state.

"Yeah, not sure, Adam. We should play by ear. I can tell you this, though: I don't seem to be affected by the anger of the skill. Anger makes me stronger, but I can also cast it into other people. I can make them lose control of themselves."

"Like what you did today earlier," Adam said. “I saw it take the Anointed One and consume the rest of the kitchen. Everyone except me, really. He called it the black fire. The black fire of the heart and the soul."

"Yeah, I dumped a lot of it into him, and he couldn't take it. Not well anyway. That broke him more than the physical pain. The sheer amount of anger I was feeling kind of burned him from the inside out." The Deathless chuckled. "Poor unfortunate bastard. If I didn't develop this skill, well, who knows how all that might have gone. And it's not even because of him. I just forgot about Maiden's Curse, and it kicked in.” 

Shiv gritted his teeth. The anger spiked, but it didn't make him react beyond that. Deeper inside, was burning. His eyes crackled and flickers of darkness danced along the edges. More rage boiled away the impurities in his thoughts. It flowed through him. It cleansed him. That didn’t make it feel any better.

The Gate Lord reacted, noticing the flames of rage for the first time. "Is that from your skill?”

"Yup," Shiv said, "I could channel them into someone when I stare at them. I usually see a core inside people as well, it’s like…" He stared into Adam's heart, and to his surprise, he saw it mostly filled as well. It was churning with dark flames as well. "Shit, Adam, are you doing alright?" Shiv asked in turn.

The Gate Lord's mouth opened, but he didn't say anything for a good few seconds. “It’s what we talked about before. The Ascendants, the Republic, our lives now. It’s part of the reason I came along with you—why I keep working.”

“Hard to process, so you try to distract yourself.”

“Yes. Something like that. Your new skill really is going to bother me, isn’t it? Bad enough that you’re a brute, now you’re an emotional brute as well.”

"Yeah," Shiv replied, understanding how Adam felt better than ever before. "Skills boosting my empathy a whole damn lot too—it feels like I’m faintly tuned into how you are emotionally when I’m looking at the fires inside your core." Shiv briefly tried to draw the flames out from Adam's core, but found that he couldn't do it. It seemed that his fires were only one-way, and his anger was a gift to bestow, rather than something that could siphon from that which dwelled in the heart of another. “Well. I can’t absorb anger.”

Adam winced. “I wouldn’t want you to, either.”

“Best that I take it if I can. It makes me better.”

“No; it’s still my responsibility,” Adam replied. “I don’t like feeling this way, but I have to. Because I should. Not everything should be pleasant—this shouldn’t be pleasant. I want to face it and master myself. Basically, what you did.”

“It’s mostly the skill,” Shiv shrugged.

“Before the skill, there is a choice,” Adam retorted. “And you chose. You didn’t always succeed before, but you always choose to fight your worst impulses. And that’s why I never could fully hate you. Because a beast obeys, but a man decides. So. Don’t try to do that. Even if you can. Let me decide for myself as well. You don’t need to be a reservoir for my wounded feelings, too.”

Shiv swallowed and nodded. “Alright, Adam. I got it.”

"Good.” Adam huffed. “Anyhow, we need to get that bloody Slipgate working as soon as possible. We'll have another place to go to when this is done."

"What do you mean by that," Shiv asked.

"I mean that if the fae stays here, then his power will continue to grow, and the danger he poses will continue to rise. The narrative law of his existence will fuel him with all the mana he needs to eventually break free from the cage. It will burn him severely, but there will come a point where he is simply too much for even the suppressive effect cold iron to imprison."

"Damn, the system's really pushing for this piece of shit to end up in that princess’s mouth, huh?" Shiv hummed.

Adam shook his head. "You don't know the half of it. I looked upon him with my Divination mana earlier, and it's hard to describe the fae. They're like beacons but they're also roads and pathways. They have trails leading across the narrative when I'm trying to track someone using my Divination magic. It's usually cryptic, confusing. You need to put a lot of pieces together when you're reaching into the system's guts, but with a fae it's just overwhelming. They’re like towers that curve and bend, shaped to rise toward a specific future. They are bound to a harder fate than we are. We seem to have more freedom of capability to choose and turn along the path. But they are trapped, they are stuck on rails, and they cannot be something else."

And despite everything Shiv, he felt a faint sense of pity for the fae. "So they're basically slaves to the system?"

"Unable to deviate from specific scripts of strife and lore, I would say," Adam replied. "We have to get rid of him before that narrative get strong enough to start twisting our world as well. But on top of that, we need to deal with the chefs.”

"I've been thinking about them too," Shiv said. 

The chefs were now focusing on both path bearers. Michael Bernstein looked nervous and he pretended that he wasn't listening in on Shiv and Adam's conversation. "They saw me," Shiv said simply. "The system notification popped up, they know who I am. We need to scrub their memories, at the very least. And, beyond that, well, we're probably going to also have to do something to cover up all of this. And that means doing something to the entire restaurant. Too many people died here. There could be questions. The families are going to demand answers. There's gonna be investigation and all that."

“Not good,” Adam muttered. “That will draw investigators to us. Well, we have a few choices, but I don’t think any of them are good. The Councilwoman, Neath, or…” The Gate Lord hesitated. "Or the Educator. Maybe she can offer us some aid.”

Shiv did a massive double-take. "What? You want her to paint them into her tome or something?”

The Gate Lord shook his head. "I don't know what she might be able to do, but considering everything we're facing right now, it is an option. Just maybe not a kind one.”

"And what about the kitchen?" She asked.

Adam shuffled uncomfortably. "Well, buildings burned down due to issues in mithril connectivity and magical spell consistency all the time. There could have been a mishap within the kitchen that spiraled out of control." The Gate Lord gestured with his hand, turning his index finger, and let Shiv catch on to the implication.

A breath escaped Shiv, one that contained a ghost of a disbelieving laugh. "You know, Adam, I wouldn't have expected you to come up with that."

"Why?" the Gate Lord asked.

"Because you were Mr. Honorable, you would have hated this when we first met."

"I still hate it," Adam admitted with a bitter scoff, "but it's not like we have any better choices. That's been my life recently, just one bad choice after another. Bad choices between each other, bad choices forced on us  by bad people." Adam’s weariness slipped through, yet he kept himself composed. There was a dignity there that he just wouldn't let go of. "For the best outcome possible, we need to accept some… imperfections. Damn our discomfort. Choice is for the powerful and the privileged. I wouldn’t claim to be either right now, considering the forces arrayed against us."

But then Adam looked down, and Shiv realized there was something else he had to say. "We might have one more option on top of that, however," the Gate Lord continued. "One option that involves that heart you have.”

"Was it the one I took from the fae?" she asked.

"That's the one," Adam said. "Apparently, the Anointed Knight has the capability of restoring a few victims to life or some facsimile of it. He can maybe put up a facade for us—make it seem like the kitchen is still running and clean his own mess up to a certain extent.”

"What the hell does that mean in clear speak?" shiv asked.

"He can mold echoes of people from the lingering remains of their spirits and minds. And he might be able to wipe the minds of the survivors.”

"Mold?" Shiv asked.

"Yes. Fae magic."

"Fae magic?" Shiv muttered stupidly, feeling dumber and simpler than he had ever been in his life.

"The heart you hold contains the lingering essence of the chefs that were slain. That's why its vitality is so potent. That's why you can hear it echoing sometimes, psionic thoughts leaking over to you. Now the replicas won't have the originals’ skills because they're technically not the originals. They're just like clones molded from bread, but they will be empowered by fae magic and they'll be tied to the Anointed One himself. He assures me that can help him do… some things. But he has an offer for you. Specifically you. He won’t tell me about it. He wishes to strike a bargain.”

“The fuck? Why? He wouldn’t even make eye contact with me when I left the room.”

“If you would have me guess, he simply wishes to be spared from further torture at your hands. In exchange, we are to bring him back to the Fairwilds.”

Shiv didn't know what to say to that. The thought of letting a bunch of bread replace the staff here and working with the Anointed Knight after all this was utterly repugnant to him. Not to mention risky. "How do we know that this isn't the Anointed Knight's attempt to break free or to get one over on our asses.”

"Because he's willing to do more than bind himself to you. He wishes to offer a piece of his soul to you as proof of his word. However that works. I can’t tell if he was being metaphorical or literal. The latter, I suspect. Also, he offered something similar to me—tried to bribe me into killing you.” Adam snorted.

“What’d you say?” Shiv asked, curious.

“I told him when I’ll kill you when I feel like it, and because you were being an annoying Omenborn bastard, not because some bread appealed to my greed.”

“Shit, Adam, you’re that confident you can put me down?”

“Shiv, when my arrows come, you won’t know what put you down.”

“These are real big words for a little guy in grabbing distance.”

“Yes. So you have to imagine I already fired an arrow in advance. And that this is only one of my time clones.”

The twosome stared each other down.

And then snorted.

“I’m going to wrap you in so many skin decoys the next time we spar,” Shiv said, jovially.

“And I’m going to shoot you in the back of the head endlessly while you fling yourself around, desperate to find me. Let’s be honest, Shiv. The best chance you have is pulling me in half right now with that abysmal Awareness Skill of yours.”

“It evolved!”

“To Farsight,” Adam replied. “It breaks my heart. Maybe ask the fae if he can do something to replace the skill. You deserve better.”

“Ouch,” Shiv said. “Is it that bad?”

“If I had a pet dog that developed Farsight, I would have it euthanised.”

“Holy shit, okay, I got it. Damn, Adam. You really take your Awareness seriously, huh?” Shiv folded his arms defensively.

“It’s the most important skill.”

“Yeah, the Educator would agree.”

Now it was Adam’s turn to grimace, and Shiv grinned instead.

“Alright,” the Deathless sighed. “Fun as slapping our cocks together has been—”

“Please don’t describe it like that Shiv…”

“—I’m going to see about talking to this piece of bread. Figure out what he’s offering and maybe hurt him a bit more. After that, we can pick what kind of shit we wanna eat. In the meantime, you wanna look over the chefs? See if I missed anything about them?”

"I can do that," Adam said. "But Shiv, just..."

"Yeah, I'll keep myself controlled," the Deathless said with a slight huff of annoyance. "I won't hurt him any more than I have to."

"That's a very, very large spectrum, Shiv.”

"Yeah, well, I'm not going to promise anything more because right now I both want to and feel like hurting him.” Then, Shiv’s rational mind came up with a simple solution to making sure the bread knight didn’t piss him off too much. “Actually, I can find out if he’s jerking us around. Maybe.”

“How?”

“I'm going to have some help again?”

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to have one of your orc—oh, Cullywier?” Adam asked.

“Yeah,” Shiv grinned. “Cullywier.”