Hooked | JJK | Seventeen

  Pair: UndergroundFighter!Jungkook x f!reader 

Summary: Walking away from your brother was never what you intended, you just wanted to run from the ghosts of your past. But now you’re back home and ready to pick things up from where you left off. If only things could be that easy, right? 

There’s a new guy living in your house, your brother’s best friend, someone you can’t help but grow close to. And the more you find out about him, the more you learn about yourself. An underground fight club, a newspaper competition, an overprotective brother and secrets you can’t seem to escape from. Did you make the right decision by coming back? Or did you just put yourself and those you love in danger? 

Genre: Series, fluff, smut, angst. All the aus: non-idol, underground fighter, brother’s best friend, roommates, rap-scene, chaebol. 

Chapter warning: Mentions of a panic attack and a big reveal. Let me know what you think!  

WC: 5.9k

 JULY 13TH | 22:07

This day was supposed to have happened differently. 

You were supposed to have told Namjoon about you and Jeongguk before you even left home for your shift. But when your brother came home late in the morning, all he wanted to do was to talk about Smoke Sprite, the song he was recording as a collaboration with Soyoon. And then he told you and Guk about all of his ideas for the music video and about the time he spent with his crush–

When he was finally done, Jeongguk had to leave abruptly to do something regarding his secret surprise. 

And you sure as hell weren’t about to tell your brother all on your own. 

So you had to hold onto your secret for one more day. Which wasn’t the end of the world, but still. 

So you got to the Circle in time to get ready with the girls, more than a little excited when you saw the outfits for tonight. You were put in a lacy bralette that pushed your tits up, but was still delicate enough to make you look classy. For bottoms you had the tiniest excuse for a skirt that looked more like a ballerina tutu than anything else. But the four of you were wearing different shades of purple, which meant you were wearing Guk’s favorite color! 

A pastel shade of lilac that you immediately sent a picture of to the man in question, before you were even done with your makeup. 

You were still in the dressing room with the girls as you had some time before you needed to go upstairs and start getting the bar ready for service tonight. 

“I think it’s so cute that you still send Guk a picture of your outfit even when he’s not around.” Chaeyoung commented, surprising you that she caught you in the act. 

You laughed, locking your phone as Guk didn’t answer you right away. “If I don’t, he’ll pout.” 

“See? Cute.” the blonde woman reiterated. “Why is he never here anymore?”

“He’s busy with a ‘secret project’.” you replied to her with air quotations before reaching for the shimmery blush that went well with this outfit. “I barely even saw him at home these past couple of days.”

Most days Jennie ignored your presence all together, but every now and then she’d butt in and make a comment that was supposed to get under your skin. And today was one of those nights as she chipped in: “Maybe he’s seeing someone else.” 

“Maybe he’s about to propose!” Lisa gushed, joining the talk. 

“He is not about to propose.” you assured them, dusting your cheeks with the chosen product. 

“How can you be sure?” Lisa continued, having a little trouble fixing the purple wig she decided to match to her outfit. “He is in love with you, you know.” 

“He’s not even my boyfriend, so he won’t ask me to marry him.” you explained, trying to ignore the massive roller coaster loop that your stomach did at hearing her say those words like that.  

“Wait, hold up, what do you mean he’s not your boyfriend?” Chaeyoung looked at you from over her shoulder, turning to the room and stating: “Do you guys not see what I see when they are near each other?” 

“We are crazy about each other and we are exclusive.” you agreed with her easily, but it was more complicated than that. “But my brother doesn’t know about us yet, so until we tell him, there will be no proposals, no boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Maybe that’s what he’s been working on, then?” Lisa was about to give up on the wig when Chaeyoung got up to help her. “A nice gesture to ask you to be his girlfriend officially?” 

“Oh, I’m not sure–”

“Guk is romantic enough to go all out I think.” Chaeyoung agreed. 

You didn’t want to get your hopes up or let yourself get excited with the ideas the girls were putting into your head. 

However. 

Guk did say that he would come pick you up tonight to reveal the surprise. And you were supposed to have told your brother today. So if he was counting on having that out of the way before unveiling– 

The knock on the door of the dressing room interrupted your spiraling. Since you were closer to the entrance, you reached for the doorknob to open the dressing room since all four of you were already dressed. 

Hatter was waiting outside, opening the door wider once he was allowed to. 

“Can you girls get to the bar a little earlier tonight?” he requested, making all four of you stand up promptly. “Not you, Dove.” 

“Ohh, someone is in troubleeeeee.” Jennie sang, skipping happily out of the dressing room. 

Chaeyoung and Lisa followed her out, but both sent you supportive looks and thumbs up. Once it was just you in the room, Hatter closed the door and pulled one of the empty vanity benches to sit. 

“Am I in trouble?” you broke the silence as it stretched for too long. 

“God, I hope not.” he chuckled, which let you see the piercing on his tongue. You never knew he had one there. “I heard Wonho was bothering you.” 

Ah, so that’s what this was about. “He was just annoying, but he didn't mess with me.”

“Okay.” he nodded, looking at something on the wall. “Let me know if that changes?” 

“He doesn't scare me, Hatter.” 

“Such a brave little bird.” his eyes were back on you, but they carried a heaviness that you weren’t used to seeing on him. “Most people who work here are good. But not Wonho. So if one person should scare you, it should be him.”

“Do you know something?” you caught yourself asking, scared of the answer.  

“I know many things, Yn.” Hatter was usually a dramatic man, but this time you didn’t think that’s all it was. “Things that are best if you don't.” 

“Hatter–”

“Listen to me.” he cut you off, leaning closer with his elbows on his knees. “I won’t be able to keep him away from this place forever, there are things even I can't control. And that guy... he has nothing to lose and that makes him dangerous.” 

“Okay.” you swallowed a lump in your throat, knowing there was so much more that he wanted to say, but this was probably all that he allowed himself to. 

“If he messes with you, you let me know.” he repeated. “Otherwise you ignore him, you keep your head down. Understand?” 

“Yes, I understand.” 

Loud and clear. 

But unfortunately right now was not the time for you to dissect Hatter’s warnings or to think about your own theories that involved the Circle. You had a job to do. One that started being exciting for you, too. 

By now, you loved going upstairs to do your job. It felt like something had switched and you were more confident, more at ease. You didn’t think that acting like a naive doll would ever come naturally to you, and you still avoided the more seedy patrons like a plague, but you understood why people kept coming back. 

If you were still here by the end of summer maybe you’d go back to business school. Find out who owned the Circle, propose a partnership or to buy half of it. Own a company that had nothing to do with your estranged parents. 

That would surely make them proud. 

 JULY 14TH | 00:43

You were going a little crazy tonight. You couldn’t remember the last time you barely even had time to drink water, all because you had a full house. You didn’t even think it was because of the fights lined up, you didn’t think any of them were star fighters. And you didn’t just mean Jeongguk; as Mingyu, Chan and Yunho also weren’t competing. 

Despite the ache in your legs and the slight sweat gathering on your skin, you felt alive. More than you’ve felt in ages. You’ve made more drinks than you could count, all of your tip jars were overflowing. 

The four of you were taking turns running around the floor to make sure all patrons were happy. When it was your turn again, you barely took two steps before bumping into someone. 

You gasped slightly, preparing your best smile to apologize to the man when your whole fake chirpy disposition dropped like a dead butterfly. It took the man less than a millisecond to recognize you, as confused to see you there as you were. 

“Yn?” Taehyung was frowning and your lips parted in surprise. He was still staring at you when you couldn’t say anything, too frozen on the spot. “What are you doing here? Dressed like that?”

“I, uh–”

“Hurry, Dove, we’re swamped here.” out of everyone who could run into you right now, it had to be Jennie. 

The hit on your shoulder made you stumble.

“Dove?” Taehyung repeated, a small scoff leaving his lips. “Are you working here? What the hell is going on?” 

“Well, yes, but–” 

You tried reasoning with your friend, but words were missing from your brain and all you could focus on was the uncomfortable twist in your stomach for being caught by Taehyung. All of the people yelling around you as the last fight of the night began making you overwhelmed and overstimulated. 

“Can we not do this here?” you begged, needing to find your ground if you were about to explain anything. “Can you give me an hour?” 

“So you can lie to me some more?” his tone was deep as always, but paired with the harshness of his words, it made you flinch. “I don’t even know who you are anymore, oh my god!”

“Listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I–”

“You didn't just not tell me, you lied!” Taehyung was angry like you’ve rarely seen before. At least you’ve never been on the receiving end of it and it was making you panic. “You keep lying to everyone around you!” 

You tried to justify: “I can't exactly be honest about this, can I? My brother would freak!”

“Would he? Or are you just scared of admitting that maybe he's right and you'll end up like–”

“Don't you dare, Taehyung.” it felt like you’ve just been hit in the gut, your own anger building. Your teeth were gritted as you warned: “Don't you fucking dare bring that up.” 

The man scoffed, despite the surprise as you started fighting him back. He raised a hand in the air and started walking backwards and away from you, but not before saying:

“Whatever, just keep going. I’m sure you’ll turn out very differently.” 

The sarcasm, the venom in his words felt like a nail at your coffin. 

Your feet were planted on the floor as the room swirled around you, you couldn't go after Tae, you couldn’t make him listen. Memories started flooding back, things you were trying to suppress came back to haunt you. Your throat felt tight, your body was flushing hot and cold at the same time. 

You felt like you were going to be sick, bile rising up your throat. 

What the fuck would happen now? Would Taehyung tell on you to your brother? He’d threatened that exact same thing before, so it wouldn’t be that surprising. Would he be so mad that he’d never talk to you again? Would everyone in your life hate you for lying about this? Would Guk be ashamed of you for how you acted and treated your friends? 

You were spiraling hard. 

A new bump at your side, this time caused by a drunken patron, made you stumble and if your legs didn’t start to move when they did, you would have fallen on your face. Your heart was thundering in your chest, blood pumping fast enough to make you grow dizzy. 

You started walking, but you didn’t know where you were going, having to trust that your body knew how to guide you when your brain was failing you. It was pure instinct that made you stumble into the bathroom; you didn’t even know if you were in the one meant for women or men. 

Your head was pounding, a constant stab on your right temple as you tried to breathe, but the air around you was stiff and stuffed. You made your way into the last stall, having half a mind to lock yourself in before your back hit the wall and you slipped down to the floor. 

Your chest felt tight as you tried to suck in harsh breaths; you felt like you were drowning in open air, nails scratching your arms as if you were trying to claw out of your own skin. Tears were streaming down your face freely and you wanted to scream but no sound came out. 

You were at your breaking point. Taehyung’s words hit you hard, in a place that was terrifying to you. You thought about everything you’ve kept from your best friend, everything you were keeping from your brother, the things you were keeping from Jeongguk. 

You felt like a fraud and you couldn’t handle this anymore. 

Your secret relationship, your article, your second life involved with the Circle. The secret you kept that was the reason for the breaking of your family. 

“Yn?” Jeongguk was calling to you, making you whine and sob harder. “Baby, where are you?” 

You couldn’t reply, you couldn’t tell him where you were. All you did was hug yourself and make yourself as small as possible, hugging your chest as you jumped with each shove at the doors of the other stalls. When Jeongguk finally found your locked one, he called:

“Baby, are you in there? Can you open this door for me, please?” 

You couldn’t move. You didn’t want to open the door. You were safe here. You weren’t hurting anyone if you just stayed inside. 

Jeongguk tried forcing the door open, but you were too close to it for him to be able to kick it down without hurting you in the process. The space underneath the door was also too small for him to squeeze through, forcing him to climb over it. 

You felt guilt all over again as you watched the man you loved have the trouble and the risk of hurting himself just so he could get to you. The toilet could break when he stepped on it with heavy boots, he could slip and fall–

Fuck! You kept fucking up even without doing anything!

The thought made you cry harder and hug yourself tighter, hiding your face in your arms as you pulled your knees impossibly close to your chest. 

“Dove, I’m here, it’s over.” Jeongguk was crouching down in front of you, making the stall even smaller with the two of you in there. “Baby, you’re having a panic attack, can you please try to breathe for me?” 

You knew what was happening, but that didn’t make it any easier to snap out of it. You started to squirm and bat his arms away when Jeongguk tried to hold you down, crying when he held your face and made you look at him. 

“Look at me.” he begged, soft voice, soft eyes. Gentle. Caring. Jeongguk didn’t hate you. “Please, baby. I’m here. See? You’re okay.” 

You must look pitiful with your wet face and runny nose, dressed in a skimpy purple outfit, makeup likely running down your face. 

“W-what are you d-doing here?” you managed to choke out after what felt like ages of Jeongguk searching your eyes. 

“I came to pick you up, remember?” his answer was soft, as if you were a child and he was trying not to spook you. “Lisa told me someone was yelling at you and then you ran off.”  

“Tae…”

“You need me to call Tae hyung?” he offered, as you were clearly not making any sense.  

Then you were shaking your head and reaching for his wrists. “No, it was Tae, he found out–”

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” he soothed you slowly, you didn’t need to talk about this now or you’d start panicking again. 

“I can’t do this anymore, Guk. I can’t fucking hold this in, not anymore.” you admitted what was a long time coming, letting a harsh sob course through you.  

“What are you talking about, baby?” Jeongguk asked, but he was more concerned with grabbing some of the toilet paper to dry your nose and wipe your cheeks.  

“He’s right. All I do is lie.” you cried harder, making Jeongguk pout. You hated to see the hurt from seeing you like this mirrored in his eyes. “I’ve been lying to you, too.”

“You’re spiraling, baby, let’s get you home?” he offered, having to reach for more paper to make you blow your nose.  

“No, oppa is there and if I see him I’m gonna–”

“No, not that home.” he stopped you, raising his body on his knees to take off his hoodie. “I’m taking you somewhere else.” 

“Where?” you blinked slowly, eyes burning. “Oh, shit, the surprise… Am I ruining that too?”

Before you could cry some more, Jeongguk shook his head and pressed a kiss to your head. His arms went around your middle as he hugged you, using his strength to stand up and bring you upwards with him. Your legs were numb, trembling as you tried to balance yourself against the wall behind you. 

“You could never ruin anything.” Jeongguk assured you, dressing you with his hoodie. It felt like a warm hug, to be engulfed by his heat and scent. “Let’s get you out of here and we can talk, yeah?” 

 JULY 14TH | 01:44

Jeongguk had a new apartment. 

That’s his surprise, that’s what he’s been working on when he was out of the house. Your tired brain still remembered him telling you, not that long ago, how he wanted to have his own place to live when you both told Namjoon about your relationship, as a way to show how he respected their friendship. 

You didn’t have the right mind or emotional capacity to really look around once he brought you inside half an hour ago, too numb and on auto pilot as you were still recovering from the hardest panic attack you’ve had in years. But you heard him explain that the space was already furnished when Jeongguk found it, as this area in particular was mostly inhabited by university students who looked for cheap rent and didn’t want to furnish a whole apartment if they were only in town to study. 

It was a one bedroom apartment, with the living room and kitchen sharing the same area and a smaller room where his bed took up most of the space. The decoration still didn’t showcase the man’s personality, but once he brought his things back from your place, it would start to look a little more lived in and homey. 

Jeongguk also didn’t have many clothes in the apartment at all, so you had to dress up in a pair of clean sweatpants that he found in the duffle bag at the booth of his car and the same hoodie as before. But at least you were able to get your ruined makeup off and clean your body when you showered. 

When you left his bedroom, still towel drying your hair from the shower, you found yourself completely alone in the apartment. Instead of letting yourself freak out again, thinking that Jeongguk couldn’t even look at you anymore, not after the scene you caused in the bathroom, you sat down on the small couch and waited. 

You could see your backpack on the chair of the small dining table in a corner, remembering flashes of Lisa and Cheyoung meeting you and Guk outside of the Circle so they could hand him your things. By then you were already so embarrassed that you couldn’t even look at them, simply staying inside the car. 

The sound of keys turning at the front door made you both nervous and relieved that Jeongguk was coming back. He saw you right away after opening the door, offering you a tiny, but encouraging smile. 

“Hi, baby. Sorry, I had to run to the convenience store in the corner.” he felt the need to explain his absence. “I didn’t really have anything to eat or drink here yet.”

“It’s okay.” you assured him, but your voice was weak and a little weird from all the crying. 

You stood up from the couch and walked the few steps to reach Jeongguk, placing the towel you used on the back of the chair with your bag. Despite the tension in the room, Jeongguk still seemed excited as he showed you the snacks he got: water bottles, soda cans, spicy chips, a couple cookies and more than a few cup noodles. 

“Please tell me you won’t live off 7/11 food now that you’ll be living on your own.” you attempted to joke, but then you were hit with the notion that Jeongguk wouldn’t be just a bedroom of distance away from you anymore.  

“I won’t, I promise.” his laugh was as heavy as you felt. Jeongguk took one of the water bottles and opened it before offering it to you. “How do you feel, dove?” 

“I’m better.” you took a shuddering breath before taking a long sip of the water to soothe your throat. “Thank you, Guk.” 

You felt a new wave of emotion coming your way, but you were able to hold the tears back this time. You placed the bottle back on the small kitchen counter and sneaked your arms around Jeongguk’s waist. He welcomed you into a hug that you both needed. 

Even as your arms started to weaken, he pulled you back, not ready to let go. 

You knew you’d scared him earlier, that he had no idea what was going on. But Jeongguk was still there for you, he still saved you from your own mind, more than he knew. And for that you’d forever be grateful to him. 

Your face was hidden in his neck as you breathed him in, relaxing as his hands rubbed your back carefully and lovingly. 

Are you doing better? 

“I feel like I have this weight on top of me.” you admitted against his skin. “I just want to get rid of it.” 

“What can I do, baby? Tell me how I can help you.” Guk squeezed you a little more before taking one of his hands to your back to guide your face so he could look at you. “Is it about us? Because if you’re guilty about lying to hyung, then I’ll go to your house right now and tell him everything.”

You shook your head, a sad smile pulling at the corner of your lips as you thought about Jeongguk waking up your brother at this hour to tell him you were together. But, unfortunately, what you had to tell him went much deeper than your secret relationship.   

“It is about Joon, but it’s also about me.” you told him, not really knowing where to even start. “It’s about our family and something I haven't told you. It’s the reason why Namjoon acts the way he does when it comes to protecting me.” 

“If it’s too personal, you don’t have to–”

“Please. You wanna help me?” you sighed, taking one of his hands in yours. “Then let me share this with you. Let me let you in and you can help me carry this. At least you’ll understand things a little better.” 

“Anything. I’ll listen to you, I promise.” 

You stepped away from the man, holding his hand with one of yours and the water bottle with the other. You brought him back to the couch and sat him down before walking to your backpack to grab the pack of tissues you always carried with you. 

You were relieved to see your phone inside your bag, just in case it ended up being forgotten at the Circle. 

“There isn't an easy way to say this, not really.” you started, sitting on the couch next to Guk. “”It’s about Hyejin.” 

“Who is Hyejin?” he frowned. 

“My sister.” 

“Your–”

“My twin sister.” you continued. “My dead twin sister.” 

You didn’t think you ever told this story to anyone, you hadn’t said her name in what felt like ages. Just because you knew it would sound dramatic… And this was real life, not a k-drama. But you’ve held things back for far too long and if there was one person you trusted to learn about this, it would be Guk. 

“She was born first, we were three minutes apart. They say she was born crying and I was quiet.” you couldn’t look at him as you told the story, not sure how you felt about that even now. “The doctors thought there was something wrong with me, but I guess she was just louder. It was like that growing up, too.” 

Looking up at Jeongguk, you saw his eyes round and sparkly. His pretty lips were pushed into a tiny pout and even his cheeks looked a little fuller. You held his hand again, as if he was the one who needed soothing.  

“Hyejin was better at everything. She could sing, she could dance. She was smarter than Joon and I put together.” you caught yourself smiling at the fondness these memories brought, which you weren’t expecting. “We might be the exact copy of each other, but she was prettier.” 

“I don’t believe that for a second.” Jeongguk added, giving your hand a squeeze.  

“Growing up, Hyejin always had an interest in the family business.” the story started to take a bitter turn, but you held your breath for a few seconds and then let go of it slowly. “Our parents used to call her ‘the princess’, because she wanted to be the one to take over once they retired.”

“It shouldn’t have to be you.” 

“No. I was happy living my simple life. As simple as the life of a chaebol teenager can be, I guess.” you laughed, but it was heavy. You were too young to face the kind of pressure your parents put on you, and your sister was just as naive to understand what she was agreeing to. “But Hyejin was perfect. She was my best friend. The perfect sister, the perfect daughter.” 

“No one can be that perfect, baby.” Jeongguk might have noticed the resentment behind your words.  

“We thought she could.” you let go of his hand to get the water and wash down the lump in your throat. “Until it happened. The accident.” 

“Did she die in an accident?” he turned to face you a little better, an arm resting on the back of the couch.  

“We were sixteen when it happened.” you nodded, not able to stop your eyes from watering or your voice from shaking when you said: “I was her emergency contact, so they called me from the hospital to say she–”

You stopped yourself short, there was no need to say it. Jeongguk knew. 

“It felt like I was floating the whole time. I ran into Namjoon’s bedroom, but he was at Yoongi’s place that night.” you trailed off for a moment. “Hyejin was hit by a car. The driver said she came out of nowhere, she wasn’t crossing at the right spot and he didn’t see her coming.” 

“Fuck, I’m so so sorry.” 

That was just the beginning of it. 

“When it happened, we found out a whole bunch of things about her, things we had no idea about. It’s like she was a completely different person behind our backs.” it felt weird to say those things to him, remember how shocked you were and how it broke your family to learn all of the new things about someone you thought told you everything. “She was sneaking out almost every night. We found… I found. I found a box under her bed, with fake ids, pills…” 

Jeongguk was watching you when you looked at him, but you found no judgment in his eyes as he asked: “You found pills?” 

“Drugs, Guk.” you clarified, clearing your throat to get your voice back. “We were sixteen. She shouldn’t be messing with the crowd that she was. But she did and no one knew anything, we didn’t find out in time to keep her safe.” 

“That’s why Namjoon hyung is so protective of you.” he guessed correctly. “He doesn’t want the same to happen to you.” 

“I kept reasoning with myself that it would never happen, that he didn’t need to worry about me, but–” you wheezed, getting a little worked up. So much so you couldn’t stay seated and stood up. “Am I not doing the same fucking thing? Am I not hiding a whole different life?” 

“Baby, no.” Jeongguk rushed to deny it, scooting closer to the edge of the couch and getting up to stand in front of you. He held both sides of your face, even when you wanted to run away from him. “I mean, sure, you’re keeping things from Namjoon hyung, I’ll agree with that much. But you are not sixteen. You are mature enough to understand the weight of the decisions you’re making. You know better than she ever did.” 

Could that be true? Could your life experiences and the many years that now separated you from your sister be enough to stop you from making her same mistakes? Taehyung didn’t seem to think so. 

But at the same time… Did Taehyung know you as well as Jeongguk did? This new version of you, at least. The one that came back from NYC, the one who had to grow up too fast. The person that was able to step into a new persona at the Circle, someone that wasn’t afraid to take risks for the sake of finding out the truth of what was actually going on around her?

The version of you that even yourself was still getting to know? 

Hiding things… For you, it was never on purpose. It was to keep your brother –more than anyone– safe. You didn’t want to do anything that would hurt him, or worry him. And you wouldn’t have this problem if he, if the both of you, weren’t so traumatized about what happened to Hyejin that it messed you up for good. 

Unfortunately, you didn’t have a time machine to travel to another dimension and test that theory. You would never find out what kind of life you would be leading today, if your sister was still alive. 

“My parents got divorced after that. They blamed each other.” you started again, letting Jeongguk pull you back down to sit on the couch. “Appa blamed Eomma for being too liberal, so we felt like we could do anything we wanted and there wouldn’t be consequences. Eomma blamed Appa for being too strict, so that’s what made Hyejin sneak around, lie and do things she wasn’t supposed to.” 

“I think that’s normal for parents to blame each other to try and suppress their own guilt.” Jeongguk spoke carefully, as if afraid you might not like to hear him defend your parent’s like that. And, growing up, it took you a while to see things under that light, but eventually you did. “It’s not fair that they left you and Namjoon when you were already going through something like that.” 

“I can’t blame them for that either.” your laugh was small and hurt. “They couldn’t look at me.” 

“Dove, you had nothing to do with this–”

“No, I mean… They couldn’t look at me. They saw her every time that they did.” you said, looking Jeongguk in the eyes, watching him understand what you meant. “They looked at me and saw their failures, they saw someone they didn’t know. So they left.” 

“That’s fucked up.” you could tell that hearing that angered him, a protective arm wrapping around your back.  

“I think it hurt Namjoon as well, but he was a little more understanding.” you let yourself be engulfed by Jeongguk’s presence, laying your head against his shoulder. “He practically raised me on his own. Well, him, Hoseok and Yoongi.” 

“The hyungs know about this?” 

“Mhmm. They knew Hyejin. Tae knew her too.” you nodded quietly, hoping he wouldn’t feel left out. “But not the others, we only met them a while after it happened and we just… Never brought her up. It hurt too much. I regret that now, I wouldn’t like to be forgotten if it had been me.” 

“She wasn’t forgotten, baby. I know you never stopped thinking about her.” he assured you, hand reaching for your wrist to gently run his thumb over your bracelet. “She’s the reason you wear this, isn't it? She’s the reason they call you ‘dove’?” 

You only nodded and that’s what finally made you tear up. You weren’t sobbing like you did in the bathroom, but your heart was clenching and you allowed yourself to feel. You allowed yourself to miss your best friend, your sister. You missed Namjoon, too, who was never the same after the accident happened. You missed your parents. 

You missed yourself.  

“Seeing two doves together means good luck.” Jeongguk’s words made your tears form a little faster, remembering the night you told him that same quote. You had no idea then that he would mean this much to you today. “But she wasn’t a dove at all. She wasn’t pure, or good like you.” 

“She was a raven. Strong, fierceless, untamed.” you raised your head to reach for the pack of tissues and plucked a piece to dry your cheeks. “But we didn’t find that out until it was too late.” 

“Maybe you found out when you had to. Maybe she didn’t want to share everything with you.” Jeongguk used the sleeve of his sweatshirt to dry the last tear on the corner of your eye. “It’s terrible what happened to her, but she was making her own decisions. What happened to her was a consequence of that, it would still have happened whether you knew it or not.” 

“Maybe, maybe not.” you had no way of knowing that.  

“Where was she the night that she– that it happened?” Guk was careful with his words and you appreciated it more than he knew. 

“At a college party. Which she was too young to be at. We think she was there with her boyfriend and they had a fight, so she just left without him.” you sighed, bunching the tissue into a ball and letting it go on top of the center table. “She left and that’s when it happened, that’s when she was hit. Hyejin was drunk and I’m pretty sure she had done drugs that night, too. The police believed she walked into oncoming traffic.” 

“Fucking hell, baby.” 

You let that sink in for the both of you. Jeongguk hearing it the first time and you having to relive all of those memories all over again. 

That’s when a new thought popped into your head, before your brain could shut down and raise back the protective walls you were used to keeping up. Self preservation at its best. 

“I think… I think Wonho might have known her.” 

“What the fuck.” Jeongguk reacted immediately, so fast he might have cracked a bone. “Why do you think that?”

“The night Wonho saw me at the circle, he said something that gave me chills.” you confessed, feeling the same unnerving shill . “He said he thought he knew me from somewhere and when I said he was mistaken, he said it would be like looking at a ghost.”