The Season in Haikus - Spring 2025 (Part 2)

Hello, hello! I'm back from my anniversary vacation, and it's time for us to dive into more seasonal anime. This week, we've had plenty of generic crap, a couple of mid-ish standouts, and our very first (and likely only) Watch of the season! Let's get right to it.

The Dinner Table Detective

Est. 6/10. Test.

By day, Reiko Houshou is the niece of a powerful businessman, but also by day, she’s a private detective working with Tokyo’s police to solve heinous murders.  Since one of those heinous murders just happened at a fancy dinner party she was attending, she now has to secretly sneak around the hotel gathering evidence and accusing her fancy, rich friends of crimes most foul!  Except that she doesn’t, because the chief police officer on the case happens to be a bombastic, charismatic dumbass who's happy to take this opportunity to strut around in his all-white suit with matching trilby smiling his gleaming, toothy smile at the ladies and frantically panicking when the hotel manager tells him that there’s a reservation in the ballroom thirty minutes from now, so it would be great if he could wrap up his Agatha Kristie-style interrogation of witnesses before then.  And when I say, “That would be great,” I mean, “That is required.”

The Dinner Table Detective is the kind of show that I’m predisposed to hate.  It’s a mystery, which puts it on the back foot with me to begin with.  The art style has very little flair, and the flair that it does have just makes it look weird and out of proportion, like when Reiko struts down the dance floor at her fancy party.  It’s meant to look sexy, but instead it looks she swallowed a wacky, waving, inflatable, arm-flailing tube man and now someone’s playing the footage back in slow-motion.  Despite all this, the show has incredible heart, a great sense of comedic timing, and two (or three) main characters who are just delightful to watch.  I’m a sucker for a bombastic, charismatic idiot who’s convinced he’s the alpha/omega baby of Holmes and Poirot.  (Not literally, unfortunately.  That is a joke.)  I love a quietly confident butler who gets our main character what she needs without ever making a scene.  And the main character, herself, is totally, uh, fine.  If you’ve read these reviews before, you know that I’m particularly harsh on comedy shows, but this one has a few hit gags, and the overall, frantic atmosphere of our two main idiots trying to solve a murder in half an hour gives the whole thing a chaotic, panicked vibe that lends itself well to the kind of atmospheric comedy it’s going for.  I don’t expect to watch more of this (especially since whoever subbed the version I saw was a goddamned madman), but I enjoyed the time I spent with it and think you probably will, too.

From Old Country Bumpkin to Master Swordsman

Est. 5.5/10. Skip.

Beryl Gardinant is an old man, by swordsman standards.  Despite spending his life dreaming of battlefield glory and wanting to be a master swordsman, he now teaches at a backwater dojo in his hometown, hoping that his students will be able to achieve the accolades he never could.  Thankfully, they did!  Beryl has managed to teach some of the most accomplished students in the world.  Elite warriors.  A top-tier adventurer.  Even a wizard, for some reason.  Now, a famous former protégé of his has arrived at his doorstep, asking him if he would be the instructor for the famous Liberion Order, and he. . . doesn’t know if he can do it or not.  It’s true, he’s taught great students, but those students would’ve been great under any teacher.  He, personally, is just a washed up hack from nowhere.  Sure, he’s fine with a blade.  Maybe better than average, even.  But that doesn’t mean he’s cut out to teach such a prestigious and important order of knights.  Now, Beryl has to grapple with his own lack of self-confidence, all while his most famous students look on.

I love the premise of this one.  Just the idea of this man’s former students looking up to him because they remember how much better he was than them when they were learning, not realizing that they’ve all surpassed him by now, is wonderful.  It’s a great example of that devastating moment when you go back to your hometown and see that the game store you always went to is a jewelry shop now.  We always feel like time stops when we leave places, or that people will always be the same when we see them again.  But sometimes, you’ve gotten stronger, and your teachers stayed the same.  From the teacher’s perspective, he has to grapple with knowing he’s been put into a position he doesn’t deserve based on a reputation he has with people who no longer know him.  He’s been thrown into the deep end of a pool and told to jump out, and if he fails to do it, he’s going to look ridiculous in front of the people who respect him most in the world.

This is a harem show.  The admiration that his female students feel for him is remarkably uncomfortable, as is his father’s insistence on getting grandchildren (with anyone who will provide).  I’m not saying that all the good parts of this show are going to be totally dropped, but it will be difficult to see them behind the (metaphorical) giant titties.  This show will probably be fine, but don’t go into it expecting it to actually seriously deal with themes of aging or the way people’s relationships change over time.  It’s a show about a gaggle of young women starting to get awkward feelings for their teacher, just like all the others. I wouldn't bother.

Anne Shirley

Est. 7/10. Test.

There’s not much to say about Anne Shirley.  When I was younger, I absolutely loved the Anne of Green Gables cartoon on PBS Kids.  That cozy, country setting full of children getting into mischief was so comfortable and welcoming, and it always made me feel nice to watch it.  Anne Shirley is the same deal.  If you know anything about Anne of Green Gables, this is that.  Two elderly folks out in the countryside decide to adopt a young boy from the local orphan asylum (sic) to help them around the farm as they grow older.  When Matthew, the husband, arrives at the train station to lead their new boy back to his home/place of work, he sees that there’s something wrong with the boy.  Namely, he’s a girl.  Marilla, the wife, isn’t happy to hear this.  She ordered a boy, and she’s not going to accept any substitutions.  So, she tries to pawn her off to the local Count Olaf type, but ultimately decides that this not-boy is just too dang charming and sweet to condemn to a life of torture and pain, so she keeps her around.  Now, Anne gets to have adventures all over the countryside, and her optimistic, can-do attitude can spread to her entire little village.

Anne Shirley is a show about appreciating life from every angle, seeing the beauty in small things, and looking forward to a brighter future.  It’s saccharine, brightly-colored, and disgustingly optimistic.  It’s the kind of show where a character can be hit by a train, and Anne will smile in the midst of everyone’s tears and say, “Well, he always did like trains.”  If that’s something you need in your life – and it is – check out a couple of episodes and see how it hits you.  I think you’ll have to try pretty hard not to feel your heart get a little warmer.

Kowloon Generic Romance

Est. 6.5/10. Test.

In a walled-off slum of Hong Kong dedicated to preserving the city’s past against ever-encroaching modernity, realtor Reiko Kujirai does her best to sell houses and rent properties.  Reiko longs for the New, wanting with all her heart to experience fascinating technology and exciting places that are unlike the world around her.  Her coworker, Hajime Kudou, wants the exact opposite.  He loves the antiquated vibe of their little walled-off community and adamantly fights against any bit of futuristic technology migrating into its borders.  When the two of them wind up at dinner together, totally not on a date, Reiko discovers something disturbing.  There’s a photograph of her, with Kudo, at the same teahouse.  A photograph of an event she doesn’t remember happening.

Kowloon Generic Romance is a vibe.  I can tell you all about the plot, the characters, the art style, or anything else you want to hear about, but it’s not going to accurately convey the sensation of watching it.  I’m not saying it’s anything like Serial Experiments Lain, but it does play very deeply into the same kind of atmospheric storytelling, and it plays at a very high level.  The director of this show (whose name doesn’t seem to be listed on MAL) knows exactly what they’re doing.  Tall, ever-present buildings give a sense of claustrophobia and make the viewer feel like they’re never quite safe.  Each interaction between characters feels just a little wrong in ways that are hard to describe, and when the plot starts to move, it’s hard not to be engaged. This is one for the people who are looking for something different. It's tense, mysterious, slow, and gray, and I think people are going to be comparing other shows to it for a long time.

The Gorilla God's Go-To Girl

Est. 5.5/10. Skip.

Sophia Reeler (as in, go-reeler) is a student at this prestigious magic school that teaches students how to handle their animal-based superpowers.  Whenever someone turns sixteen, they get to draw a card from a magical deck that tells them which animal god has chosen to be their Patron.  Sophia, who wants nothing more than to have a peaceful and lighthearted school life, draws the exceedingly rare gorilla card, a card that brings with it nothing but chaos and violence.  Blessed with incredible strength and speed, Sophia is conscripted into Magical Military School, and now she has to do everything she can not to let her life become a montage of destruction.

This one has its moments, but I can’t remember what they are.  All I remember is sitting down with my friends to watch through some seasonals and occasionally pointing at the screen and saying something like, “Huh!” or “Would you look at that?”  or “Heh, that was kinda funny.”  If you’re looking for a female-centric harem in a magical academy, this is one of those.  The boys are charming enough that I could totally understand someone sitting back on their couch and enjoying doing a little light shipping over tea.  Overall, though, I don’t think this show has enough to offer anybody who already has anything on their “plan to watch” list. It's goofy, high-energy, and seems to be setting up a low-stakes harem with plenty of different boys for anyone to enjoy. It'll be fine, if you want something fine on your tv, but it isn't going to make anyone go ape.

The Unaware Atelier Meister

Est. ?/10. Skip?

MyAnimeList tells me that this show is about a guy named Kurt who worked as an assistant to a famous adventuring party.  When the other members of the party kick him out for having no combat prowess, he goes around the land looking for odd jobs.  Eventually, someone recognizes that he has immense affinity for all non-combat skills and offers him a high-ranking position in the kingdom, but he refuses, as he doesn’t want to believe himself to be above other people.  I’m sure that that’s exactly what the show is about.  It sounds like the kind of thing someone would write a story about, but man, it’s just gone.  I don’t know where it went, but it’s not in my brain anymore.  I’m reading the synopsis of the first episode on Wikipedia, nodding my head because these all sound like things that could feasibly happen in an anime, but it’s like someone telling me what happened at my second birthday party.  I know I was there.  The things I’m being told make sense.  But the memory simply does not exist.

Wikipedia says that Kurt was given a job repairing the town wall, and that he did it in record time.  That definitely sounds like something that happens in shows like this.  It says something about an adventurer needing his help proving her new mining venture will be profitable so her inheritance doesn’t get impounded, and to be honest, that sounds a little more farfetched, but I’m sure Wikipedia wouldn’t lie to me.  I’m looking at pictures of the characters, and they definitely are anime characters who could feasibly have been on my computer screen.  No detail sticks out.  Nothing I’m reading about this show sparks even the slightest memory.  And yet, MAL says I have watched an episode, and I believe that to be true.  I can’t rate it.  I can’t tell you whether or not to watch it.  But know that I always pay attention to shows when I watch them for this first impressions column.  I don’t play video games while I watch them.  I don’t scroll my phone.  I sit there and stare at the screen, and this time, I apparently stared right through it. Take that however you want, but personally, I would say it's a sign that you should probably watch something else.

Maebashi Witches

Est. 4.5/10. Skip.

There are some shows that don’t know what they want to be, and the one that always comes to mind when I think of those shows is Wixoss Diva(A)Live.  Wixoss is a trading card game show franchise that decided in its third season to become an idol show.  The three new Wixoss girls perform idol concerts while playing trading card games (whose rules are never explained).  They sing, they get physically hurt when their card games go badly, and audience participation makes their card games go well.  It completely loses its own plot, and not even in an entertaining way.  Maebashi Witches reminds me of that.  Bored and meek, pink-haired Madoka Kana-, sorry.  Bored and meek, pink-haired Yuina Akagi is struggling to find fulfilment in life.  She wants to bring happiness to herself and others, but she’s nothing but an average high school student.  That is, until a talking frog tells her to join him in her bedroom closet.  The two of them are whisked off to a trippy, fantastical flower shop demiplane where Yuina can meet four other witches who spend their time making other people’s dreams come true.

So far, everything sounds fine.  It’s a happiness-based magical girl show where the girls have to metaphorically save the lives of the people in their community.  Nothing wrong with that!  The problem is that this is also an idol show that is also a shop running sim.  Every part of this show is connected so loosely to every other part that it feels like watching three different shows at once.  It’s listed as “coming of age” on Wikipedia, but the main character already seems to be fairly well-adjusted and mature, from what I remember.  A little shy, maybe.  Needs a bit of self-confidence.  But overall, she’s a perfectly normal teenager who doesn’t seem to have any big life lessons to learn.  The aesthetic is nauseating, with bright, white lights and occasional shifts to bad CG for the idol performance bits, and nothing about the show stands out as being worthwhile for anyone, even fans of the genre. Especially when it's airing in the same season as. . .

Lazarus

Est. 8/10. Watch.

Our first Watch of the season, and what a Watch it is!  Lazarus is the latest original anime by Shinichiro Watanabe, the legendary director of Cowboy Bebop, and Spike Spiegel would be honored to call Axel Gilberto his brother.  In the far-flung future of 2052, humanity has cured pain.  The medical genius Dr. Skinner has invented a miracle drug called Hapna that cures all kinds of pain, physical and emotional.  There’s just one problem, Skinner disappeared three years ago, and now a video has surfaced of him telling the world that Hapna was a trick, designed to mutate into a horrifying virus that will, thirty days from now, kill everyone who ever ingested it.  There’s only one way to stop it:  Find Dr. Skinner and get the cure that he claims to have.  If humanity can manage to track him down, they’ll be saved.  If not, the world will end.

And that sounds like a job for a ragtag group of outlaw renegades who are willing to work outside the system to get shit done!  Axel Gilberto, a ruggedly handsome parkour master whose hobby is breaking out of prison, gets scouted a conglomerate of secret agents called Lazarus, bent on taking down Skinner and saving the world.  There’s a hacker, a femme fatale, a drone pilot, and more, all fitted with shock bracelets to make sure they stay in line.  What follows is an action-packed visual feast that’s sure to grab the attention of anyone who’s looking for fun and drama.  The fights are beautifully choreographed, and the parkour scenes are even better.  There’s no reason not to check out a couple of episodes of this show.  I’ve already seen four. You could've stopped reading when I said "Shinichiro Watanabe" and been totally justified in calling this one a Watch, yet you decided to read another paragraph and a half instead of going to your favorite anime-watching device and turning it on. Stop reading this article right now and go watch it. What else are you going to do? Read my thoughts on fucking Witch Watch? What a waste of time.

Witch Watch

Est. 6/10. Test.

Sometimes, there’s someone you just have a bond with.  You might not love them.  You might not even like them all that much.  But the two of you grew up on the same street, and you played together every day as kids.  When their parents divorced, you were there to make sure they got through it, and they helped you when you had your first big breakup.  It’s the kind of relationship you’re never going to be able to replicate, and so you keep it, even though it might not be what you really want it to be.  Now, that person is coming back into town, and she has magical powers, and your dad says that you’re going to spend the rest of your life as her servant.  Because you’re an ogre, and your family has been serving hers for thousands of years, so it’s just tradition at this point.  Also, if you say no, you’re going to turn into a weird half-cow half-tiger thing, and nobody wants that.

Nico Wakatsuki, the childhood friend in question, is a new witch who has a huge crush on Morihito Otogi, our duty-bound protagonist.  Despite not seeing him in quite a while, Nico is convinced that she wants Morihito to be her familiar, and Morihito has no choice but to accept.  This is a situational comedy that deals with the daily life of these two goofballs as they try to figure out how to live with each-other, and sometimes the comedy is alright.  Nico is enthusiastic to a fault, often using her magic without thinking through the consequences, and Morihito’s logical and stoic nature plays well against that.  One particular gag, where Nico makes herself flat as a piece of paper and winds up stuck between two buildings, screaming and begging anybody who can hear her to get her out before she returns to regular size and gets crushed between the walls, is particularly fun to watch.  However, I can’t imagine watching a second episode of this one.  Nico was abrasive and annoying, and while some people might find her thoughtless antics fun, I personally just wanted Mori to tell her to stop breaking his windows.

And that's it for this week! Hopefully you all enjoyed this little foray into the Spring season. Join us next week for another couple of reviews and haikus.