PATREON EXCLUSIVE (Full Video): A Woman's complaint is actually her confession
Added 2025-01-07 04:07:36 +0000 UTC
Comments
@John - I think I understand. Do you think men and women process "emotional affairs" and "physical affairs" differently, assigning them greater or lesser relative significance? Would BOTH be considered "cheating" in your opinion?
Joseph Omega
2025-01-13 20:20:18 +0000 UTCSure no problem. An emotional affair to me is where you are talking with another woman (not your significant other) and sharing personal things you would normally share only WITH a significant other. In my experience, guys fall into them if the woman is praising him, offering sympathy, acknowledging him in ways he might be missing out on. Women fall into them because they are so wired to chase the emotional connections. I got into one as a younger man and when I realized what was on I immediately cut ties. The woman in this case had a really hard time letting it go. I think they can be gateways if both want it to. In my case and in my example, I believe it can mean way more to the woman than the man realizes or intends.
John
2025-01-11 18:52:02 +0000 UTC@John - For clarity, can you describe what you mean by an "emotional affair", and do you think it serves as a "gateway drug" into something HARDER?
Joseph Omega
2025-01-11 18:03:59 +0000 UTC@Joseph Omega - I appreciate her giving a source. I'm also not surprised that she blamed it on a communist, utopian socialist, and disgraced philosopher whose radical theories have all been tried and proven NOT to work.
Eric Linden
2025-01-10 21:10:08 +0000 UTC@Lioninwinter Unicorns are RARE.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-10 20:30:37 +0000 UTC@Eric Linden - Actually, as fate would have it, she actually HAD also supplied that information to me as well, though I'm not exactly sure what her point was in doing so: The word feminism comes from the French word féminisme, which was first used in 1837 by French philosopher Charles Fourier. The English word feminism is an anglicization of féminisme. Explanation - Femina: The Latin word for "woman" - –isme: A Latin suffix that turns a noun into a practice, system, or doctrine Fourier used the word to discuss empowering women. He believed that women should have equal access to important work and that marriage in France was oppressive towards women. The word feminism came to refer to equal rights for women toward the end of the 19th century. It became synonymous with women's public actions to acquire individual liberties.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-10 20:25:38 +0000 UTCYes, women are taught what to expect but never what to give. Men are taught what to give but (until recently) not what to expect. If you can find a woman who knows a decent answer of what she brings to a relationship then she is exceptional.
Lioninwinter
2025-01-10 20:17:06 +0000 UTC@Joseph Omega - I'd like to know the name of the man who created feminism.
Eric Linden
2025-01-10 20:09:08 +0000 UTC@John & @Starship & @Anthony White - I think the easiest and most natural way to accomplish not taking it personally, is to adopt the mindset that you are dealing with a JUVENILE -- if you pay close attention, you will notice that such behaviors are indistingishable from those of a young child. Modern women are RAISED to capitalize on their NEOTENOUS traits (which are evolutionarily honed to be effective against men especially). If you deal with their childishness JUST AS you would deal with the protestations and petulance of a small child (patience, love and firmness), you may be able to maintain your composure long enough for them to likely respond appropriately (eventually 😉). If you have little experience in dealing with small children, you may try envisioning a pet. No grown adult thinks to take the behavior of small children or pets "personally".
Joseph Omega
2025-01-10 19:48:35 +0000 UTC@Lioninwinter - Continuing ... Her: "He should not want ANYTHING from me." You: "But isn't there something YOU want from HIM?" Her: "Yes, honesty, faithfulness, emotional support, etc" You: "Are these not things HE should also EXPECT from YOU?" Her: "If he loves me, he should never have to EXPECT them from me." Me: "So, if YOU love HIM, YOU should never have to EXPECT them from HIM?" Her: "Now you're just being silly." CHECKMATE.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-10 19:34:44 +0000 UTC@John - If you have enough time, you may be interested in the following exchange with ChatGPT I once posted on this very topic: https://chatgpt.com/share/67354622-ad5c-800a-ad47-966255548ef4 The final summary conclusion: "Sustainability is the crucial factor that determines whether acts of niceness and kindness are healthy and effective in the long run. When these acts are sustainable, they can have a lasting, positive impact, allowing individuals to continue contributing to others’ well-being. Prioritizing oneself is justified when it serves the purpose of maintaining this sustainability, ensuring that kindness is not only present in the short term but also capable of being sustained over a lifetime. This approach allows for the optimal balance between self-care and self-sacrifice, ultimately leading to greater and more enduring positive outcomes for all involved."
Joseph Omega
2025-01-10 19:19:57 +0000 UTC@Tord Pettersson - Seems it would hardly be profitable enough to survive for very long.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-10 19:09:18 +0000 UTC@Eric Linden - Being inherently NEOTENOUS, this is hardly surprising.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-10 19:08:00 +0000 UTC@Eric Linden - Coincidentally just today, a woman messaged me with: "Feminism appears to be really a ‘male’ construct designed to distract women that they need to take up a flag to be taken seriously." She prides herself on being immune to the Feminist cultural contagion, but I felt compelled to reply: "You have taken the female propensity to shirk personal responsibility for your actions and decisions to a level I never even thought possible! So, even your rebellion against the Patriarchy is the Patriarchy's fault?" I thought this a MOST amusing exchange. 🤣
Joseph Omega
2025-01-10 19:05:51 +0000 UTC@John - We ALL crave such "safe spaces", it's just that men's sense of honor and pride tends to make them feel guilty about spending time in them, often being shamed for the attempt. Ironically women, lacking even a rudementary concept of "honor", tend to have no such scruples, often being praised and rewarded for doing so, with Feminism exorcising what little shame that is left that would have caused them pause in wallowing in the self-pity so common in such spaces.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-10 18:58:03 +0000 UTC@Eric Linden - Specifically, women have little clue as to how to raise MALE kids -- hence the epidemic of crime within neighborhoods where single mothers predominate. On the other hand, the FEMALE kids of those same single mothers tend to end up as h@s and sl_ts craving male validation due to "daddy issues".
Joseph Omega
2025-01-10 18:45:37 +0000 UTC@Eric Linden - Perhaps put another way, women only think about how men only think about sex.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-10 18:37:32 +0000 UTC@Eric Linden - Men are only better at knowing what a woman wants, because women are so poor at knowing what they themselves want. Otherwise, it's all guesswork.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-10 18:33:55 +0000 UTC“Men only think about sex.” However, when a man tries to express his emotions, her response is “I’m tired of the pity party. It dries me up down there.”
Eric Linden
2025-01-10 05:41:44 +0000 UTCWomen assume and conclude things about men that simply aren’t true. Men are better able to accurately judge what a woman wants; however, what she wants now may not be what she wants five minutes from now.
Eric Linden
2025-01-10 04:11:28 +0000 UTCThank you Alexander you do well for I am sure a lot of men. I have been a supporter of yours for quite sometime. I appreciate your insight. Keep up the good work!
Treven Gokey
2025-01-10 00:18:54 +0000 UTCThis actually just reminded me. I used to work with a group of women who would gather up at lunch and frequently would talk children (which would of course lead to bashing their husbands). I am a good dad, and I would foolishly try to share my experiences and perspectives with them. They hated it. I finally learned just to stay out of it. I thought it was a discussion about raising kids. It was actually a safe space for them to project onto their absent husbands without accountability.
John
2025-01-09 16:48:13 +0000 UTCI totally agree. I used to hear critical comments or complaints regarding men from women as directed at me, or as something I should answer for. This is why you have to practice confidence, figure out where you stand with yourself, and then engage from an observational standpoint, or walk away.
John
2025-01-09 16:39:36 +0000 UTCIf a woman says that men just don’t get how to raise kids, ask her what experiences she has gone through to make her believe that. Don’t defend yourself or men; that just gives her more fuel. If she gives you an answer, keep asking questions based on her last answer. She might learn something; and honestly, you might as well.
Eric Linden
2025-01-09 15:31:32 +0000 UTC@Eric Linden - Still, the term "nice" was used in both cases, yet now it is not as obviously a four letter word.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-09 10:27:55 +0000 UTCToday’s feminism is about tearing down men, not equality. The easiest way to tear someone down is to point out things in others that you see in yourself.
Eric Linden
2025-01-09 10:13:14 +0000 UTCYeah I thought you'd done a good job in not taking it personally, John. I also agree with you that the way culture prepares us to see women in society makes us think that we must have done something wrong when they behave towards us like this. That perception change is not easy given the role of culture in society.
Starship
2025-01-09 04:20:57 +0000 UTC@ Joseph Omega - That one was about women not believing the “kindness” we show towards them when they don’t see us showing that towards ourselves or others. This one is about women not getting us, and how we do much better at getting them. I don’t really see AG changing his mind here.
Eric Linden
2025-01-09 04:13:15 +0000 UTC@Joseph Omega - Men are very consistent about their likes and dislikes. Women follow trends and the culture. What they want in a man today may be different a year from now.
Eric Linden
2025-01-09 03:57:32 +0000 UTCThere is a maturity crisis amongst women today.
Eric Linden
2025-01-09 03:54:49 +0000 UTC@Starship - not taking things personally. That is the hardest but most important part of this. It takes so much practice, and speaking for myself, a lot of failures on the way. Alexander has alluded to this before but truly learning not to take things personally requires re-calibrating your perception of women. Some of us, not all, but some of us think women are inherently better than us and we respond to their criticisms as though they are. This simply is not true, neither is better. That perception change has to happen first.
John
2025-01-08 15:04:58 +0000 UTCSo we shouldn't her behaviour too personally, but simply enforce boundaries where necessary!
Starship
2025-01-08 13:15:26 +0000 UTC"It was painfully obvious she was using me as a launchpad for her own unprocessed emotions" "she wanted to have her moment and spill her emotions all over the room. I suspect she only saw me as a means to that end. " Great points John, thank you for sharing
Anthony White
2025-01-08 06:44:06 +0000 UTCOk, is there any good channel that actually asks these questions in a panel to women?
Tord Pettersson
2025-01-08 03:53:09 +0000 UTCThanks for the extra info David - much appreciated.
Starship
2025-01-08 03:35:25 +0000 UTCShe thought there was virtue in taking on the Main Character Syndrome of her life
Starship
2025-01-08 00:20:11 +0000 UTC"The idea that women don't care about appearances about how a man looks is a myth -- it's complete propaganda and it was pushed to try and make women seem as though they're the more enlightened gender." I believe that Alexander's contention may not so much be FALSE, as it may be MISLEADING: Women DO respond to physical cues just as men to, but these are far FAR more mutable by "social expectation" and "emotional bonding and pair-bonding mechanisms" than are men, whose tastes are pretty "cut and dry" and fairly consistent across time and culture. Here is an interesting exchange with ChatGPT that highlights what I believe to be the case: https://chatgpt.com/share/677da291-a1b4-800a-8a9f-2eef33fc4206 In summary: The phenomenon where modern "Western" women appear to lack a consistent standard of male attractiveness and favor what is fashionable or trending—can be explained by a combination of: 1. Cultural shifts and social contagion, amplifying non-traditional beauty standards. 2. Media-driven narratives, promoting feminized or neotenous male aesthetics. 3. Cognitive dissonance, reconciling societal expectations with inherent desires. 4. Flexibility in female mate choice, allowing adaptation to evolving cultural environments. These factors highlight how modern cultural influences can distort or override evolutionary logic, creating the appearance of an evolutionary "disconnect."
Joseph Omega
2025-01-07 22:13:09 +0000 UTCThe "new edition" is a typical scam in publishing: add a new preface or afterword, or both, and then call it a new edition. In this case, it was a new preface. And it's worthless. Get the earlier edition, which otherwise is identical. As for what I learned from it: I'd have to think long and hard. I know this sounds like the raving of someone who's gone over the top, but her book saved my life---not literally, of course. I first read it almost 50 years ago, and have reread it once. I regard it as essential reading for any male over, say, 15. As for most important things learned from it, off the top of my head, these: 1) Don't take the social narrative about the man-woman thing at face value, 2) here are hustles to avoid, and how to avoid them, and 3) women can be quite predatory, too--just in different ways from men . and usually with longer-lasting consequences. Don't be a chump in the name of love.
David Ronin
2025-01-07 19:52:10 +0000 UTCI don't think anyone should suppress their emotions, and I sympathize with others in that regard. My experiences have shown me many women (certainly not all) feel that men either deserve to or are simply just put on earth to validate their emotions, while discounting and even despising the emotional needs of men (unless they find the man attractive). What I hear Alexander saying is - have boundaries for and around yourself, and also educate yourself - and that really resonates with me. I experience a full spectrum of emotions, but I own them and I try not to let them dictate my relationships. I also try to be vulnerable with trusted men much moreso than with women - and not just because of the negative reactions. Not sure if anyone here has ever seen or experienced an emotional affair but they are surprisingly easy to get into.
John
2025-01-07 19:15:33 +0000 UTCYep. It was pretty obvious to me, I could have been anyone, saying anything, the point was she wanted to have her moment and spill her emotions all over the room. I suspect she only saw me as a means to that end. Silly is the right word.
John
2025-01-07 18:04:34 +0000 UTC@David Ronin - And as far as Esther Vilar's counter-narrative, although her arguments appear sound, her implied prescription seems to suffer from the very same short-sighted conclusion based on "liberation narratives". Here is an exchange with ChatGPT that illustrates my point: https://chatgpt.com/share/677d6500-8830-800a-bd7a-b9e388caf8ee Here is a selected prompt and response: Me: "It seems ironic that this book that purports to criticize mainstream Feminism seems to prescribe a very similar solution: Men should 'liberate' themselves from traditional gender roles. Did I misunderstand?" ChatGPT: "No, you didn’t misunderstand. Vilar’s critique is deeply ironic because, while she positions herself as a feminist critic, her proposed 'solution' shares substantial overlap with feminist objectives. The difference lies in her framing of the problem and her target audience. Where feminists advocate for women’s liberation from patriarchy, Vilar argues for men’s liberation from a societal setup she believes benefits women disproportionately."
Joseph Omega
2025-01-07 17:37:22 +0000 UTCYes you raise an interesting point there John about where women test men in the workplace. It's often said that women test men in relationships, but they like to shit test people in all domains. I agree no point in trying to justify your point or explain with those who are trying to do such silly tests. Men naturally seek logic and explanation from one another for their views and actions, but different when dealing with women.
Starship
2025-01-07 17:18:06 +0000 UTCHer:"Men are only interested in sex" Are you saying a man should not be interested in having sex with you? "No, but there's so much more" OK, tell me what you think is the most important thing a man should want from you?
Lioninwinter
2025-01-07 16:24:28 +0000 UTCOn "nice men" - I absolutely agree about women not wanting to look into a mirror. I would also say that I am firmly in favor of every man reflecting on being nice vs being kind. It's not a new idea, and it makes a big difference. It's a complex topic. I was rejected many times for being "too nice". Now I'm a faithfully married man with 3 amazing kids, a good job, and a passion for personal growth and introspection. I'm still easy going, still attentive, still thoughtful. The big difference between me now and me then is essentially what Alexander discusses in this video. Nice men tend to let women use them as emotional punching bags. Kind men step back and then firmly push back or walk away if necessary.
John
2025-01-07 15:12:05 +0000 UTCBrilliant video. I was teaching recently, and to illustrate my point I said something very salient. Nuanced, but salient - and believe me I chose my words very carefully. One of the women in the room twisted my words to a grotesque degree and tried to call me out in front of the class. It was painfully obvious she was using me as a launchpad for her own unprocessed emotions. As angry as I was, I couldn't take the bait. I just calmly said "You are not responding to anything I actually said" and I just moved on. It didn't make any difference to her - and I let her have her little moment, but this is common, and it's a test for every man. The mistake is to attempt to justify, to clarify, to explain. All that does is justify her emotional trip, and if you get angry, you step into her arena of emotional warfare, and gentlemen - this is a battle we cannot win by playing. You stay calm, you observe, you stand your ground. Let the low quality women tell on themselves.
John
2025-01-07 14:44:29 +0000 UTCFor sure the criticism will come from the place or topic the critic is most sensitive to.
Christophe Ruef
2025-01-07 11:09:25 +0000 UTCWhat are the key things you learned from 'The manipulated man'? I can see it had a third edition released in 2009.
Starship
2025-01-07 09:25:12 +0000 UTC@David Ronin - Though I agree that Projection (like all the other phychological defence mechanisms) is present in BOTH sexes, the proclivity appears SIGNIFICANTLY more advanced among FEMALES, if only because the cost of a distortion of reality is not as severe to them (and the group) as it would be to the typical well-developed MALE, where evolutionarily such a distortion could easily determine the success or failure of the entire tribe.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-07 06:37:00 +0000 UTCGreat video, as always. It will help me a lot at not taking criticism personally or just seeing it in a whole new light. Especially nowadays with the increasing criticism of everything masculine and men. So, thank you for your insights and sharing them with us. What stuck with me though is the notion to stay emotionally distant. What I heard at first was that men are better off not having or feeling their emotions in general. I'm assuming that's not how it's meant and rather that we shouldn't be dictated by our emotions, especially as men. However, this subtlety in understanding had caused me to suppress my emotions for a long time, almost crippling me. In this context, and in most others, it means building up emotional intelligence. Just wanted to share that in case someone might feel that emotions are bad and should be avoided altogether as it can easily happen in the men's realm. And I would love to hear about your approach.
Timm Hoffmann
2025-01-07 06:09:01 +0000 UTCAlexander, two things: (1) i really wish you'd give more attention to Ester Vilhar's classic The Manipulated Man (1971), and (2) I respectfully disagree that when a woman criticizes her man or men in general, it's an unwitting confession of her own flaw/s. It seems to me it's more an illustration of the proclivity among all us humans to project our flaws onto others---complaining about the speck in the neighbor's eye rather than noticing the plank in our own. I think there's a crucial difference.
David Ronin
2025-01-07 05:26:04 +0000 UTCAlexander's evolution continues -- contrast this current view with his EARLIER one on "niceness": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkFF_zL2oq8
Joseph Omega
2025-01-07 05:23:26 +0000 UTCNice. That is also true for men indeed. I'll be focusing on that in my talks and see what happens. Thanks Alexander "Jung"
Christophe Ruef
2025-01-07 05:01:05 +0000 UTC
