PATREON EXCLUSIVE (Full Video): Why I refuse to pay for it
Added 2025-01-18 22:00:04 +0000 UTC
Comments
Not that you asked but I wanted to offer a female perspective (not all women may agree). I knew a guy who admitted that a lot of his sexual exploits were through prostitutes. What was he like? Very impulsive in multipleways, impatient and had low regard for female autonomy (though he portrayed himself externally as a good, gentle and quiet man). He also had very low self esteem. Obviously, I know that not every man that engages with prostitutes are like this. Regardless of whether I had met someone like this man or not, I have always had low regard or let's say lack of respect for men that "needed" (big emphasis on needed lol) to pay for sex. To me, It felt like you did not earn it or you took the easy way out and that doesn't scream "masculine" to me. Also, to me, the man that has to pay for sex is no different to the woman who's only value is to provide sex. I would rather be with a virgin man than a man who gained most of his sexual experiences through sex workers. Though I sympathise with men and the struggles they face in the dating market especially with the expectations to have high body counts and be good in bed, I do not think associating yourself with prostitutes would help you to look more appealing to high quality women or any woman for that matter.A high quality women would rather you have low sexual partners but high quality relationships that high body count but no meaningful relationships. I'm sure you guys also see a girl who has a high bodycount but little to no history of healthly, stable relationships as a red flag. However, I'd like to believe that I would excuse a man who accessed SW services once in a moment of weakness/desperation but it then becomes a ick if its a regularoccurrence and he sees no issues with it. Lastly, I agree with what Alex and others somewhat alluded to about what men gain from pursuing women without having to pay for it. I believe that rejection though painful is a helpful tool for men to use for self improvement instead of giving up and being bitter. Then, when they attract a women with their looks, personality and presence and sleep with her (whether one night stand or relationship),they can be genuinely proud of themselves because they genuinely pursued.
Rae
2025-01-23 10:22:54 +0000 UTCRe. the implicit contract: sure. However, this shouldn’t be used to justify or rationalize sex work, as it’s (usually) more extreme. It’s a common fallacy – in general –, to equate two things which share *some* fundamentals, but not others. More such fundamentals were shared between modern sex work and the general (implicit) sexual market place before, and still is in a few places, as the women couldn’t necessarily say no to a marriage, or genital mutilation, etc-etc. Most places today are still very unequal, but most women are both literate, free to study and work, can control their own reproduction, decide to engage in a romantic partnership or not, etc. That former, implicit contract, can – in its best manifestation – motivate men to work hard on being the best versions of themselves. Likewise for the women. This is very seldom the case in reality, as it’s severely distorted through capitalist dynamics (think: gold-digging instagram bitches meets wageslaving simps) , although it has *some* positive effect for many people. But I believe the latter is (almost) never true: a man who pays for sex will never be a better version of himself. (OFC, there can be some positive effect, especially emotionally, in an egotistical kind of way, but the longer term, social outcome: negative.) Same is true for the woman who sells.
FutureBliss
2025-01-22 23:09:38 +0000 UTCJust re-read the sentence. HAHAHA! Yes, yours is, uhm…, less ambiguous. 👌 Lived three months in the US. NZ: never been. With social problems in general – sexual alienation included –, the more economic inequality there is, the deeper, more serious and more widespread the problems tend to be. For being a rich, democratic country, the US is pretty bad… This is clearly seen w/ the health problems (which lowers both self-esteem and attraction from the other gender → more sexual partners in order to try to achieve validation, inc/ paying for sex work). It’s also clearly seen on the supply side, w/ how many women there are w/ «daddy issues» (I think smt like «healthy masculinity deficiency» is a much better term as it’s not about fathers as such, but also uncles, brothers, grandfathers, etc) This is partly due to so many men are physically away for prolonged periods of time – sometimes forever – in re. the: • Military (US is one of the most militaristic states) • Prisons (highest rate by far in any democracy) • Workplaces (huge distances in their continental sized labor market; slow AF car-driven transport; long work hours; few vacations; weak unions…) Those who remain, are more often than not overweight urbanites mostly devoid of practical, masculine skills, but also quite lonely/isolated and relatively economically disadvantaged too. All in all: weak masculinity (even compared to most other OECD countries, where healthy masculinity is weak too). At the same time as there is more sex work, there is also a more moralistic culture and weaker abortion opportunities too. A particularly bad combination. Many single moms. Another factor both in the demand (MGTOW/ men who neither want nor (economically) can, take care of children who are not their own, and seek quick solutions elsewhere) and the supply (those who don’t know would be shocked to know how many single moms sell access to their pussy in order to cover parenting costs…). On the economic inequality indexes, NZ has been better off than the US, but worse than Australia, and especially the Nordics. IDK, how this affects NZ specifically, re. the sexual market place, but would assume it’s somewhere in between there too. «Medium fucked up». 😂
FutureBliss
2025-01-22 22:41:23 +0000 UTCYou're probably right.
MarkGauci85
2025-01-22 00:59:56 +0000 UTC@MarkGauci85 - Curious use of the word "sadly" in this context.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-22 00:56:19 +0000 UTC@FutureBliss - Just for grammatical clarity, I will restate your intitial sentence: "I have the same reasons as AG does – and more –, for not ever paying for sex." 😉 Otherwise, thank you for detailing your experiences and research. Although I personally have never OFFICIALLY exchanged sex for money, the KEY concept remains that, for the VAST majority of cases during successful dates, this exchange DOES implicitly exist as UNOFFICIAL transactions -- TRULY the oldest profession indeed. Does your experience and research involve the US (Nevada) and New Zealand? How would you assess those environments?
Joseph Omega
2025-01-22 00:52:14 +0000 UTCI think the biggest deterrent for me would be catching a STD. The alone has kept me away from it
Saquib S
2025-01-21 18:33:24 +0000 UTCooops.... I just listened more carefully.... You ARE still married...... sorry.... didn't realize you were doing a "what if" scenario.....
Horny Toad
2025-01-21 17:26:09 +0000 UTCI thought you were married to a beautiful blond girl ("emily?") and had a baby daughter???
Horny Toad
2025-01-21 17:23:29 +0000 UTCI have the same reasons – and more –, for not ever paying for sex, as AG does. I do have quite a lot of insights into this, as I’ve researched it quite a lot (books, documentaries, podcasts, conferences, workshops…), for decades. I’ve also lived years in places where it’s not normalized (Norway), to places where it’s a big part of the economy (Thailand), and everything in between. Additionally, I have met many – mostly female, but also a few male –, sex workers. One of these women, I even had a relationship with (after she quit as a self-employed live show «cam girl»). Lastly, I have some insight into how it is to be on the other end, as I have had gay men approach me (I’m a man) and ask «how much do I have to pay you?» (I’m not a sex worker, and not even bisexual). Spoiler: it’s not pleasant, albeit at least I would not be scared like a woman usually would be, as I know I could easily knock him out in a physical confrontation, and that he wouldn’t try do so in the first place anyhow. People – regardless of their profession – naturally have a certain sex drive, and sex itself – the mechanical part – feels pleasant. Additionally, *both* money & validation are scarce, *extremely* sought-after resources. Esp/ for those who’ve been starved of both… So put those two pleasantries (money & validation) together, and put a third pleasantry (sex), on top of that again, it should come as no surprise that *some* sex workers *some* times enjoy *parts* of the sexual experience with *some* customers, during their work hours. Esp/ if the woman can have few customers (low risk of both STD, unwanted pregnancy, stalking, doxxing, violence, etc); can choose her customers; has a high degree of influence over her working conditions; and if the money is good, but not a necessity for her. Yes, even if they’re female w/ a hard-wired propensity to not indulge in sex with many men in parallel, that triplet of resources can at least partly overcome that hard-wired propensity. This can be esp/ true in the start, as they can get *positively* surprised about the customers («they’re actually nice, and respectful too!»); at the same time as the money is incredibly good; not many of their family, friends and peers know (yet); and they’re far from the «wall» (yet –ie. 20’s-early-30’s). After a while, the novelty fades away; they’ll have at least one (usually a few) rather bad experiences with their customers (either bad hygiene, non-arousal, sexual assault, stalking, STD, pregnancy, lying, or even a customer – or even themselves –, falling in love); some of their peers start talking/judging; and the wall is looming. It’s unpleasant, and they get out, if they can. Most do, and since these are the relatively priviliged few, these are highly overrepresented in the stories media focuses on. And since these are useful rationalization tools («look, women can enjoy being sex workers, I told you!»), they get *further* overrrepresented, esp/ in the mind share of their customers and wannabe-customers. However, if they: 1. already have had and keeps getting the validation and sex they need…, 2. …but just lacks the money, and they’re really dependent on it (homelessness; «single-momminess»; health bills for themselves or family; debt; drug addiction; and/or many other negatives); 3. …and cannot choose their customers at all; 4. …and have to have as many customers as possible in order to make a living; 5. …and have no say over their work environment at all (controlled by a pimp, and many additionally also illegally trafficked into a foreign country, and some of those again don’t even speak the local language; often working exhausting hours during night time, many of them outside with no heating/AC, etc) …it’d be very, very, very challenging to «enjoy» the work. (Would *you* enjoy *any* of these things?) While this indepedent-wealthy-luxury-escort-to-enslaved-sex-worker-in-a-foreign-country is obviously a continuum, where do you think most sex workers can be located? That’s right: the huge majority of female sex workers are much closer to the latter category than the former category. (Albeit, it can be argued that OF/cam girls is – maybe even have –, overtaken this by now, but that’s not really paying for body-to-body-sex, and is therefore beyond the scope of this discussion.) And as a customer: how would you know? I mean, *how would you really know*? I think most here understand that pimps tend to be brutal, deceitful, lying scumbags, both in order to work in an illegal business (the places where it’s illegal, which is most places for pimps); get women into the business; warding off other pimps-potential-pimps; and enforce payment-and-non-violation from customers. (Side note: I got to know one during an unemployment work training program once, and that was certainly true of him.) What about the women? Well, they have to be deceitful and lying too, right? Say you meet a homeless, drug addicted, trafficked woman with abandonment issues. Let’s say she’s forced into sex work by a pimp, and distrustful-n-fearful of, the customers. Would she present herself as such? Or would she lie to your face and say «you’re so handsome», «you make me come!», etc? For all you know, she can be marketed as an escort. While an intelligent, morally sound, sober man, with social skills, sexual disipline and lots-and-lots-and-lots of financial and temporal resources, might be able to, these are extremely few, and will *still* risk being wrong. You can never know. Unless, you’d be willing *and able*, to spend so much time, money and energy to get to know the luxury escort very deeply, before anything sexual happens. How much time does this take with a person that you’re not paying? I’m a person who several romantic partners, and many friends and acquintances say they come close to, often for the first time ever for them, and usually waaay quicker than with any other person they have in their lives – inc/ their close family, former romantic partners etc –, and we’re usually talking *years*. And never less than *months*, before I get to know them deeply. And now we’re not talking 90 minutes sessions, but living together or working together, etc. Even me being this person, a few exceptions exist, where I don’t find out who they really are, and what their background is before 3-5 years. Do you have that type of time to put into researching your potential sexual provider? Money too? So, if you’re not an «intelligent, morally sound, sober man, with social skills, sexual disipline and financial and temporal resources», who’s willing to use years paying for just getting to know a luxury escort, …you severely run the risk of perpetuating misery, if you buy sex from a sex worker. With my theoretical and practical knowledge, I think anything else is delusion. I think this is true of Giffel’s story too. Albeit interesting to hear (thanks for sharing), I doubt such research has been done (more than most other customers, which is what makes your story interesting). The lack of it is filled with delusion.
FutureBliss
2025-01-21 13:08:35 +0000 UTCThat said there are also alot if the negative types. I was at a strip club once and didn’t buy extra services and one of the arguements to try convince me was “ just be a man” Much like alexs video about guys in the redlight dustrict i was repeatedly approached and pressured to get more than “just watch” and wven shamed for not. Its how i imagine the life if a woman being. As alex suggested in the video too Im guessing a private escort carries a price premium I guess you get what you pay for And that would have not been anyhing… ANYTHING, like what you experienced
Peter
2025-01-21 03:27:56 +0000 UTCThere is an excort on yt, well actually 2. That seem like that. An australian and a german that i find rather endearing but chalked alot of it up to good marketing While i doubt they do anything pro bono, they seem like people who genuinely care about the experience they offer to people 🤷♂️ They seemed 10x kinder that so many a mean and entitled girl. You arnt rolling the dice of being shamed.
Peter
2025-01-21 03:25:05 +0000 UTCThank you for your kind words. Sadly, I don't really crave sexual contact or physical intimacy anymore. Haven't for many years. One less thing to worry about. But I hope all of you find what you're looking for.
MarkGauci85
2025-01-20 21:34:05 +0000 UTCAshwin is 100% right. Although she’s slightly more expensive than most girls, when I’m with Maria, it doesn’t feel like I’m paying for it. It feels like a FWB situation. The only "rule" she has is no biting, scratching, or anything else that leaves visible marks on her body—and that’s totally fair. What you went through with those girls is unacceptable and unprofessional. I hope you will find a girl similar to Maria someday. Girls like that can literally change your life.
Giffel
2025-01-20 19:24:21 +0000 UTC@Hyperion - I'm no historian, and although the following exchange was initiated by specific interest into "Historical prostitution and male development" in another thread, I just extended it with an inquiry into the specific civilizations you mentioned: https://chatgpt.com/share/678d5c16-1898-800a-b216-917a8089277d Here is ChatGPT's interesting summary conclusion: - Civilizations that regulated prostitution and incorporated it into structured rites of passage often saw greater social stability and fewer sexual crimes. - Christianity and Islam's moral absolutism led to greater suppression, which often drove prostitution underground and made conditions worse for sex workers. - Persian and Chinese models, which allowed for structured engagement with courtesans, mitigated social disruption while also incorporating male sexual maturation into cultural refinement. - Modern societies have largely abandoned structured outlets for male sexual initiation, leading to increased male sexual frustration, incel phenomena, and rising gender distrust. In short, a well-regulated system appears historically superior to outright bans or moralistic suppression.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-19 22:05:13 +0000 UTCNo disagreements. Although the qualifier to my original point should have been: societies and culture that lasts and persists, like Judeo-Christian, Islamic, Persian, Han Chinese, etc.
Hyperion
2025-01-19 20:52:48 +0000 UTC@Ashwin Srinivas - 👍 But what do you think of the historical success of the "oldest profession" in many cultures during the "coming of age" era of male development? As usual I felt compelled to ask ChatGPT for details and its logical assessment of the phenomenon: https://chatgpt.com/share/678d5c16-1898-800a-b216-917a8089277d Its "final thoughts" below were quite interesting, and certainly makes sense conceptually -- what do you think? "The historical success of prostitution as a rite of passage in many cultures suggests that, when properly regulated, it provided a stable, structured way for young men to transition into adulthood. The removal of these institutions without viable alternatives has led to unintended social consequences. While the ethical implications are complex, history suggests that a structured approach to male sexual maturation—rather than complete repression—contributed significantly to social stability, economic prosperity, and personal well-being." Athough modern-day "porn" may be more a product of recent technologies, "sex work" in its many forms seems to have been the traditional way by which such "knowledge" and "desires" have been acquired and satisfied over the lifetime of human cultural development. And, unlike porn, it addresses "sexual debt" directly, rather than just its symptoms.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-19 20:23:40 +0000 UTCAppreciate the kind words my brother.
Ashwin Srinivas
2025-01-19 15:34:53 +0000 UTCI think your experience is unique.
Mark Prothero
2025-01-19 12:28:08 +0000 UTCThanks Alexander for talking about that 'sensitivity' of yours on how your sex partner feels and behaves during sexual encounters. It gives a voice to what I have been experiencing in my past relationship, during my consumption of porn. Im currently not in a relationship anymore. After having been in a marriage with roughly 1x sex each month for 13 years, I feel like 'I have seen enough of it' to not have that crave anymore. But the saddening part is that my sex was often not that great, I senses too much strain on my partners part, and it was stuff we could not talk about (or at least it was extremely hard to get a bearing on and often ended up on her blaming me for things). So with the years I became less 'needy' of the sex, and more a 'connoisseur' of the experience as a whole. And I started to like it less and less, because I felt too much of the tension. Thanks for talking about that sensitivity stuff, it gives me a support in feeling not alone. I wondered if I was too sensitive and 'should just focus on the deed and enjoy that'. But yeah. Im just not wired like that. Im greedy in this regard, I only want the best sex especially if its from someone that I allow so close to myself (mentally and physically). On the hooker/escort topic: in my local barber shop they are enticing me at times to 'live my fantasy, go to a sex bar, pay women for all kinds of fancy sex things'... and I am like 'meh'. It feels cheap. To be extremely honest: the only reason I would go there was to experience someone giving me attention and me enjoying looking at a womans body of my liking. Thats it. The idea that these woman would 'come close to me' and possibly 'closer than I am comfortable with given the relationship I have with them' feels like a violation of myself and that I am willfully putting myself into a situation like that would make it even more worse. On top of that I think you are spot on with the 'feeling the pity in the other person'. Thats also something I fear of experiencing. Have had my fair share of that already in my relationship. But here is the kicker: I think there are woman escorts/hookers that honestly are into you. That are honestly into the experience of 'just a good and fun sex act'. When I look at porn there are some women that I can sense that in. However these are extremely rare. And to be fair: Its a very high likelihood that these women are into the guys they are making love to at that moment and enjoying the experience with THEM, its not about me in that situation. And that I pickup on their energy for them, and that this will not transfer over from them to me if I was there (thats not a confidence thing, but a 'thats just reality' observation).
Erik de Roos
2025-01-19 10:19:09 +0000 UTC@Hyperion - I agree that too much of a good thing is usually a problem, but I don't get the impression that prostitution has been frowned upon across ALL societies and ages -- the reason why it is called "the oldest profession" may well be due to its "staying power" (no pun intended). Also, the REGULAR transactional dynamic of many (if not MOST) dating scenarios where the male "pays" expecting that the female "puts out" can be said to reflect a type of "De Facto Prostitution" -- but let's not call it that. 😉
Joseph Omega
2025-01-19 07:31:22 +0000 UTC@Ashwin Srinivas - Indeed. 👍
Joseph Omega
2025-01-19 07:19:20 +0000 UTC@Giffel - Good for you, but your case may well represent an ideal that the current gynocentric culture may not be prepared to accept or even acknowledge as viable. I don't think this reluctance has historically always been the case though.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-19 07:17:15 +0000 UTC@Ashwin Srinivas - I think there is a LOT of merit in MUCH of what you say.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-19 07:08:33 +0000 UTC@Alan M - 😂
Joseph Omega
2025-01-19 07:07:01 +0000 UTCThe following conclusion summarizes it best in my opinion, for there are SEVERELY uncomfortable practical truths involved here (involving the comparative "body counts" of men and women, even HISTORICALLY) that CANNOT be easily dismissed by a resort to personal anecdotes and subjective moralities: "The asymmetric sexual access disparity, where the top 20% of men monopolize female attention while the bottom 80% struggle, creates a profound psychological and social impact on average men, leading to erosion of confidence, resentment, and disengagement from dating. This reality, exacerbated by hypergamy, modern technology, and relaxed sexual norms, has led to a phenomenon of 'sexual debt,' where men in the lower 80% feel the need to compensate for their lack of experience relative to the women they pursue, who often have significantly higher body counts. Historically, societies mitigated this imbalance through marriage, courtesan culture, sex work, and social engineering, but these mechanisms have weakened or disappeared. Modern solutions range from AI companionship, self-improvement, and foreign dating to transactional relationships, yet the growing sexual recession among men poses serious long-term risks of social instability, radicalization, and psychological decline. If no effective solutions emerge, the next decade may see a further retreat of men from relationships, the rise of artificial substitutes, and potential government intervention to manage the societal fallout of mass male disengagement from traditional romantic and sexual roles." Here is the full ChatGPT thread -- FASCINATING (and somewhat disturbing) exchange: https://chatgpt.com/share/678c9c4a-5ae0-800a-a7f8-158a4d24c7f5 Note the "Body Count Distribution" discrepancy tables between men and women about mid-way through. I suspect it may be VERY difficult indeed to separate each of our deepest personal feelings on this subject from any cognitive dissonance we may employ in order to live with each of our personal situations.
Joseph Omega
2025-01-19 06:52:57 +0000 UTCI think there are new insights to this in the cutting edge field of behavioral genetics. " The results from the two preliminary analyses indicate that genetic factors are important to both variation in levels of self-control and sexual promiscuity as well as to the co-variation between the two." The point here is that there is a distinction made between sex and intimacy. The modern outlook is that sex is just sex and love and romance are contrived ideologies that sell a lot of stuff. A LOT OF STUFF when you think about it....certainly the promise of sex is a major component in advertising. Relationships are being distinguished into "situationships" and transactional partnerings while social media has a plethora of women claiming triple digit body counts. However, there is the possibility that people are epigenetically prone to monogamy and others towards promiscuity. The epigenetic component is important here because the gene depends upon environmental cues to be expressed. Since we do live in an age where media shapes so many attitudes and behaviors....and again, understand media has no end goal except for you to consume more of it....therefore the use of sex to SELL A LOT OF STUFF...the environment encourages sex as a commodity and less as an expression of love, intimacy and commitment.
Daniel L Chin
2025-01-19 05:55:30 +0000 UTCMan I was just about to smash this super hot prostitute with huge boobs and then at 1:49 in the video Alex’s description of sex with a prostitute really killed my boner
Alan M
2025-01-19 05:34:24 +0000 UTCIt sounds like you were dealing with some very low-end prostitutes who would lay down conditions like that. I haven't hired a prostitute or escort but the second-hand accounts, like the one that Giffel has narrated in this comment section, tell a different story. Some of them enjoyed it and could do whatever they wanted right from standard foreplay and sex to kinky stuff. Maybe if you dealt with someone higher end and even escorts who provide the girlfriend experience, in the right country for the right price, your take would be different.
Ashwin Srinivas
2025-01-19 02:12:13 +0000 UTCI don't think young guys should ever think of hiring escorts or prostitutes. That stage of life is to accumulate experiences and grow through challenge and ambition. Pursuing women the right way and building that connection and everything that AG alluded to in that direction should be a young man's endeavour. Turning to escorts and prostitutes for sex is taking a short cut that will cut them short as they won't hustle for the real deal as if there is no other option. This supplements AG's point on self-esteem being the reason from abstaining. Also, throw in all the points AG made which making his own case for abstaining. Now, I am of the opinion that older more accomplished men who have already gone down that path, have built their self-esteem and empire and are now stuck in dead bedrooms, are widowers, divorced, too old to enter the dating market, are not in the right location or have precluding life circumstances at the moment are better candidates for escorts and prostitutes. They are not really being cut short by the short-cut. And they can't really escape from biology, and it would probably help give them the much-needed stress relief and enjoyment that comes with the experience. I see myself hiring an escort under the circumstances explained when I'm older, although I hope I never have to do that as that would mean being trapped in those undesirable circumstances. I'm a young guy now and won't be doing this while I am young for the aforementioned reasons. So, it's a no from me for the time being. Also, my understanding of the terms, "escort" and "prostitute" are that escorts are higher end and offer a girlfriend experience, but prostitutes are often not that high in SMV and only offer sex. AG didn't make a proper distinction between the two and seems to have used the terms interchangeably. On the point of the job having a low barrier for entry, I think that point was not made properly. Although the barrier for entry may be low, becoming a high value escort by the proper definition of the term is not easy. One must maintain her appearance, carve out a niche and even gain some status and talent to be enlisted by the lonely and/or lecherous rich elite.
Ashwin Srinivas
2025-01-19 02:03:09 +0000 UTCLosing my virginity to a sex worker is one of the best things I have ever done. I'm ten times more confident than I was before. I was extremely insecure about my naked body and my sexual desires, but that is pretty much all gone now. I didn't want to lose my virginity to just anybody, so I paid for some time with a few girls—just to meet them, feel their vibe, see if we had chemistry, and so on. One girl stood out; let’s call her Maria. She didn’t meet with more than one guy per day, only met with guys she was attracted to, never did meetings under one hour, and earned the majority of her income from a normal job she did at home on her laptop. She just enjoyed getting a little extra cash doing sex work. She was funny, smart, really beautiful, and it was obvious she only did sex work because she genuinely liked it. That first time meeting Maria honestly felt like a quick first date, ending in a kiss at the door. So I chose her. I paid for 90 minutes with her, and I got an extra 90 minutes for free. If there’s one thing sex workers don’t do, it’s having sex with customers for free. Maria was a real professional and knew exactly how to go about it, considering it was my first time. She made me feel so comfortable in her presence that being naked and talking openly about my sexual desires was suddenly no problem at all for me. Obviously, if you’re a 30-year-old virgin, you aren’t a confident, dominant guy who takes what he wants. But somehow, Maria was able to make me become that kind of guy when we were having sex, and it has started to bleed into the rest of my life. I lost my virginity to her in January 2024, and I have seen her an additional five times since then. Each time, I get at least one unpaid extra hour, so I know she enjoys her time with me at least a little, which is extremely important to me. In November last year, I had sex for the first time without paying for it, and three more times since. I don’t think, in a million years, that would have happened if I had never met Maria. Hopefully, my story can be a little eye-opening to you. Sex workers don’t have to be drug-addicted, trafficked, stupid, or otherwise damaged in some other way. Some of them can be really fantastic and psychologically healthy people.
Giffel
2025-01-19 01:44:31 +0000 UTCMy whole life I was the same way. I have many times avoided intimacy with women who wanted it because I could tell they were just coping with some internal issues through sex instead of it being an act of love. Yet at the same time, as you can imagine, this has left my opportunities extremely limited. The culture is severely damaged so most don’t understand love and even most who could get there would have to start from excitement and novelty first. So as I have spent a lot of time alone rather than take up these imperfect options to then wrangle into something quality, I have become deeply familiar with how inhuman celibacy is as well (yet also glad I avoided the dangers of harmful relationships, unplanned children, divorce). The solitude and self-denial has made me reconsider the rather practical approach that many take regarding sex. However, I still think I won’t do it. Just as you, that isn’t the thing that I want and if I am sacrificing my convictions to still not get what I want, what is the point of the sacrifice? Realizing this nature in myself has helped me to understand how women can feel as they are torn between available realities and conceptual desires. Besides this, there is also the risk of STDs and such that I can’t stomach. It is a shame, though, that our culture has become so obsessed with power dynamics around sex that they neglect the basic human need of simply having it as well as many other aspects of normal human bonding. We have created many ways to cope and replace these things and people will judge the replacements for not being adequate but I think simply abstaining is equally hurtful to us.
DM
2025-01-19 00:58:01 +0000 UTCThanks Alexander, I didn't feel that you were judgy at all, and I enjoyed the insights. I used to be on exactly the same page as you. I am empathetic to a fault, I have a very "respectable" middle class job. I have used escorts in the last year, surprisingly for ethical reasons. Long story short is that I lost the marriage I thought I'd grow old in, and due to the most unspeakable false allegations I haven't seen my daughter for more than a year. She is my world. She also has a condition which means she may not outlive childhood. I am finding the lack of human touch and sexual connection very difficult, but I have decided not to pursue women in general - it demands huge amounts of time and energy, and I must stay focussed on my daughter. Many of the accounts you hear from sex workers are Schrodinger's feminist. The victimhood is useful later. Of course bad things also happen. More than trauma, one thing you sometimes see is girls who mostly like their work but they have a crazy, impulsive side. They would struggle in the normal world, and in a way this suits them and they choose it for that reason. I won't write much more, but I have actually had sublime moments of connection, and even made friends. If nothing else, I've learnt about something most people only imagine from the outside. It has expanded my experience, empathy, and thinking. I'd be happy to share more - it's been an interesting and heart breaking journey.
Ragnar
2025-01-19 00:27:57 +0000 UTCI have used escorts at a brothel twice in the past. I will never pay for sexual contact or intimacy with a sex worker ever again. My first encounter was at 21 and my second at 23. I'm happy both times were not paid for out of my pocket, as i would have felt worse after the experience for wasting my money. Ex friends too chicken shit to try an escort, despite having girlfriends, send the one single friend instead. Both times these girls were not what i found sexually arousing to me at all, but had no other better choice from what was offered. Both times these girls laid down strict rules that 1. I was not allowed to touch them at all during the encounter and 2. I was not allowed to dictate what was to happen. They knew what they were going to offer, so i either accepted what was offered or get out. As a man who likes to be hands on and likes to participate in the process, this left me apathetic to this whole deal both times. So, i derived no pleasure from these girls did and l'll be honest, what they did was laughably bad at best. Certain sex moves were terribly executed Most people say that when you go to a sex worker, you're guaranteed to have the deed done. NOT SO! As much as people don't believe me when i say this, Even thou i technically had two sexual encounters in my life, which would make you think i dropped my v card ages ago, I'm still 100% a virgin. You're not guaranteed to have intercourse during a session with a sex worker. The sex worker doesn't want to do the deed that evening, she doesn't find you attractive enough to want to do it with you but still wants your money. In closing, I'm 40 yrs old now and I will never use an escort ever again because it's a demoralising experience, I feel dirty and disappointed afterwards. Also, I feel less of a man paying for something that should be given to you by someone who loves you and cherishes you. Hope my story was acceptable.
MarkGauci85
2025-01-18 23:50:18 +0000 UTCI did technically date a prostitute briefly. I didn’t realise it at the time, that that’s what she was doing in her free hours (she had a perfectly respectable full time job). She was not mentally stable. I realised that when she shared a story with me or her fruit-fvcking herself when she was 15 and that she had to have it surgically removed. We fell out pretty fast, for other reasons. Edit: she didn’t admit to the fruit-fucking directly. She said it was “some girl in her village”. I thought it very unlikely that such details would come to be known by the whole village including herself, unless she was talking about herself in the first place.
Mark Prothero
2025-01-18 23:49:45 +0000 UTCPeople with significantly higher ‘body counts’ have been shown to more often have poor self esteem, insecure attachments, and even full-blown personality disorders. They use other people for sex as a means of regulating their own emotions in some way or other, depending on their precise attachment style. Avoidants (usually men) do it for novelty, driven by dopamine instead of oxytocin. Dopamine takes over when your sympathetic nervous system is activated. It’s a kind of stress management. Alternatively they might have no sex at all, out of fear of intimacy, and resort to other means to get their dopamine fix. Anxiously attached people (usually women) also get more action. I don’t understand it quite as well however. It is more approval-seeking in nature, but I don’t know the brain chemistry behind it. I’ve heard “advice” before from men, and women telling other women, that sleeping around boosts their self esteem. Unfortunately I think these people are too damaged to even understand the concept of self esteem. If your “self esteem” is contingent on using other people for your self gratification, then it isn’t “self” esteem. It’s just a temporary ego boost, and is why these people feel the need to keep going back for more. They are dependent on it, and can’t even be honest with themselves. Why I’ve never used an escort and probably never will? All the above reasons. It’s a temporary and ineffective solution to much deeper problems. It’s no different than hooking up with a stranger. You just pay money for it instead. Otherwise all the same principles apply. This is why I get angry with people that advocate these lifestyles. It is effectively a proxy for promoting their own dysfunctions and mental illness. It’s as if they want to bring other people down to their level. Misery loves company. It’s that part specifically, that disgusts me.
Mark Prothero
2025-01-18 23:34:08 +0000 UTCI have used escort, a lot for 1,5 years. At that time I felt so depressed, touch starved and I struggle with erectile disfunction. I wanted to feel confident about 1 aspect of my life, because everything else was going shit. I wanted to gain control over erectile disfunction or become so good in bed with women that E.D. isn't an issue anymore. I can say the experience changed my life. I used cheap escorts, no escort agencies, only independent ones. From my experience 80% of all escort agencies or independent are scammers. I had to change phone numbers because I got death treats from random numbers. Telling me I had to pay up or else they would look for me. When I would order an escort, i looked for red flages. Is the escort service a registered company or made to look like one, what is the price per hour, what is the travelling fee, what kind of service does she offer, do I have to pay upfront (before the escort is at the meeting point), is payment done in transcash. If all this would be okay then there is a possibility that the agency would send a different woman that you want, and when they arrive they demanded me to pay money or else they wouldn't leave. Okay now let's say everything is good to this point. Now there is a big chance that the woman is stoic during the date or extremely distracted or doesn't want to do the things you initially agreed upon, or just leaves after you hand over the money. The things I experienced were awful, but made me much more confident, sexual with women and as a man. Sometimes I regret doing it, because future partners can have a problem with it. Other times I think if my future partner has a problem with it then they are not the one for me.
hendrik veendijk
2025-01-18 23:07:51 +0000 UTCThe great source of both the miseries and disorders of human society comes from the conflict between nature and nurture. Having intercourse is one of the most powerful forces tempting men. Yet histories are full of examples of where, if that instinct and desire for instant gratification part of our nature remain unchecked, can devolve into debauchery and decay. It is for this reason when a society elevates itself, it formulates a set of social norms and traditions, or a set of moral prescriptions on how its denizens should behave. That, to me, is the basis of ethics, it's the general set of conduct for the betterment of society. That said, there are good reasons why prostitution is frowned upon across societies and ages -- it leads to social decay. One can partake in it due to selfish reasons, but when enough men partake in it, the society may cross a point where it can not be redeemed. I fear we are dangerously close to that point, if not already beyond, especially with the recent rise of OF and IG and hookup culture.
Hyperion
2025-01-18 22:55:26 +0000 UTCIt's a new ugly world where even a French kiss with a v-jayed woman will give you a booster to death. I know this from personal experience and am paying for it everyday!
David Pfaff
2025-01-18 22:31:09 +0000 UTC
