I Almost Lost Wally

I genuinely can't wait for the day I can approach all of you with good news, but I almost lost Wally yesterday. I need to talk about what's been happening.

Before the Wally situation, let me give you some other life updates, the first of which is that, very unexpectedly, I'm going to be moving to a new apartment this month.

Two of my closest friends who live in the same building as me were planning on moving out before the end of June for a variety of reasons, and the new apartment they found is not only a much better deal than where we're currently living, but they also had one other room available right near them. My roomate and I discussed it, and we decided to jump on the opportunity and upgrade to the better place, meaning that we also have to move into the new apartment by the end of June.

This opportunity already wasn't coming at an ideal time. My childhood best friend is getting married, with the ceremony tonight and tomorrow, and my brother is in town visiting for a week and attend the wedding. On top of that, not only did I need to prepare my final picture lock for my AFI thesis film to be delivered on Wednesday, and not only am I terrified for the safety of my loved ones in minority groups considering what's happening in LA right now... but on top of that, I got a jury duty summons for the day after the wedding, while my brother was still in town, which could easily last past my move-in date. Luckily, I was able to get the jury duty postponed after a few days of going through the proper channels, but suffice to say that I was already very stressed out and overwhelmed... and then Wednesday night came.

On Wednesday night, after I had spent the whole day dealing with all the chaotic bullshit of delivering my thesis project (I'll spare you the details, I've shared them all before), I noticed that Wally was behaving strangely. She had just laid her first-ever clutch of eggs, and while I knew she would behave differently after that, she seemed to be moving very tenderly, and was refusing to eat food to replenish her strength, and she hadn't pooped in days, even after I gave her a hot bath of loosen her bowels. I've Wally for two years at the point, the two of us are closely bonded at this point, and I could just tell that something seemed off.

After hours of phone calls to find a vet who could see a bearded dragon quickly, I took her into a doctor, who told me he suspected that an egg was caught in her system, which could be fatal if left untreated. He gave her a laxitive, which caused her to both poop and pass a few more eggs, which improved her disposition very quickly. However, he told me that there were more eggs stuck inside her, and that since the laxitive didn't remove them, she was still in mortal danger, and that the only option was a surgery that was not only EXTREMELY expensive, but had a 50% chance of killing her.

I knew that I couldn't afford the surgery... I had already spent a huge amount on the vet bills just to get her taken care of to this point... and based on what the doctor told me, I was terrified that the only option would be to put Wally to sleep. However, the doctor recommended that instead of doing that, I "surrender" her, which would involve giving Wally to him, and having him find a benefactor to pay for her surgery; the benefactor would then adopt Wally, after which I'd never be able to see her again. I love Wally to death, and the idea of giving her up was obviously extremely painful, but of course, if giving her up was the only option that would give her a chance to live, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I was mentally preparing myself to give her up, but before I did, I wanted a second opinion, so I brought Wally back to the breeder I originally got her from to ask some questions, and that changed everything.

The breeder told me that the doctor was being very hasty by insisting the surgery needed to be done right at that very moment. He said that the advice I had been following from the local pet store on how to take care of her while she was laying eggs was inadequet, and that if I made some changes to her environment, as well as giving her some vitamin suplements to get her back in shape, there was a good chance she would either lay the eggs or re-absorb them into her system. I made the changes to her enclosure, and within a few hours, she was eating again, which she hadn't done since before she started laying eggs, which I took as a very good sign.

So yeah, that's where I'm at now. I'm going to continue taking care of Wally, and keeping a close eye on her for any more obvious signs of egg binding; if her condition gets worse, then the option to surrender her still stands. This is still obviously a very stressful moment, waiting to see whether I need to give up Wally or not, but at the very least, there's hope now. If the condition gets worse and it seems that I will have to give her up, I'll post a video that explains the situation and says goodbye to her.

At this point, the only thing I have to say to all of you is that I'm sorry.

I know it's not my fault, I know I'm not being fair to myself by apologizing, but I also know that all of this happening is unfair to all of you as well. All of you have been so unwaveringly loyal to me for years, with you all on Patreon providing me with more support than I ever could have asked for in my wildest dreams, only for me to have to post delay after delay, excuse after excuse, as to why the videos need to be put off just a LITTLE bit longer, for literal YEARS at this point.

At this point, I'm not going to lie, I'm starting to question things.

It truly does not feel like coincidence that the DAY that I picture lock my thesis film, that's the day Wally gets sick.

It truly does not feel like coincidence that this happened on the week my brother happened to be in town, forcing me to alternate between abandoning him to explore the city on his own and dragging him around to hours of vet appointments.

It truly does not feel like coincidence that the opportunity for the new aparment had to happen right NOW, in the midst of all of this.

It truly does not feel like coincidence that THIS was the moment that I got a jury duty summon that I only barely got out of.

It truly does not feel like a coincidence that the month I had looked forward to for the better part of a year as the moment the insanity would end, that THIS is the month all of this happens, that THIS is month my city gets invaded by Trump's thugs, that THIS is the first month of my life of classes being over.

It truly does not feel like a coincidence that THIS is what my first month as a post-education adult looks like: yet more insanity and delays, at the end of a pattern of insanity and delays that has been going on for, at this point, the majority of my adult life.

With all that said... I have to hope.

I have to hope that there is in a light at the end of the tunnel. I have to hope that the future I promised myself, where I get to sit down, take a deep breath, and throw my entire weight into making videos, the way I've wanted to for years... that that is still possible. I have to believe that this is still a future I can reach.

I've done it before... if you look back at 2018, I was pumping out a video every week or two for that entire year. I have the capability, I swear to you all, I CAN make this work. I just need the chance, and for whatever reason, the world seems very, VERY reluctant to give me that chance... but that can't last forever, it simply can't. I am going to keep working towards that chance, and the very moment that it comes, I promise you that I am going to seize it and never let it go.

Please keep Wally in your prayers. I'll keep you updated when I get more information on her condition.

See y'all soon,

-Sean