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Hi. I'm just so lost as I write this. I don't want to write because I don't really know what to write. But then I feel like I should.

I've been pretty unstable this past month. I feel very empty and it feels like a never ending depressive episode. I'm just confused about life. I haven't been able to work, I forgot how to draw, don't enjoy anything- not even eating delicious foods or watching funny things. I tried retail therapy but that just leaves me with lesser money than before so it makes me more sad haha. I haven't been very proactive.

I know you people are going to be very sweet about this but I feel so guilty about being late with your rewards. And I feel weird about promoting my Patreon because of that but then again I need more people here.

Aaaaaa. Maybe I should take a break.

There's nothing terrible happening in my life except for this. You don't need a reason to be sad when you're depressed but it just makes me feel like I'm wasting my good and important days by being like this. I don't like what I've done to my mental and physical health.

My therapist was on a break for two weeks. I mostly just sit and think nothing these days. I tried to wake up early to get pending work done but I just wake up early and sit at my desk. When I'm working, I want it to come from heart. I don't like forcing myself to make things even though it's my profession. I feel like it's meaningless if I was in a bad mood/not present when making something which someone might find meaningful.

Don't know how to end this. Just thank you for being here. I'm working on this fun small project with a friend's mother and I just want to be able to enjoy it. I had so much planned for it but I can't live up to my own expectations right now.

This is just bad. I don't like being like this. I'm sorry.