Splotch boi and pandemic ramble

I made this drawing right now, picking up shapes from these dirty splotches on my table from the time I cleaned it with a dirty paint cloth. 🖌️
Times are tough and sadly so familiar. I can't get myself to be on Instagram. But I also feel guilty about not sharing resources because everyone is sharing them. Someone I know was in need of an oxygen cylinder and I contacted a verified source shared on Instagram but nobody got back even after a week. They're probably caught up and overburdened for sure. I'm just rambling. There's no structure to this collection of words.

I don't know what to trust on the internet. When I'm not looking at the internet, I'm having an okay time working on the music video but then I subconsciously check instagram and realize the world is still the same. I hate this feeling of nothingness in my oesophageal area. Do you know what I mean?

I also miss my dead aunt every now and then between minutes and hours.

I wanna make more comics and I have lots of ideas jotted down but I gotta finish the music video first.

My window overlooks the main road. Every time an ambulances passess by I feel so much dread. I'm trying to be positive and calm but I'm really not having the best time like most of the world. I don't even feel like talking to my closest friends. I'm shutting everyone out.

Then I think about people in worse situations than mine and I feel bad about feeling bad about my life whenever I do. But why do I let something worse happening to someone else negate my feeling bad about my bad time? Is it ok to feel bad about the bad when your bad is someone's not bad? I have lots of questions and I judge myself too much. I don't let myself be human and feel human feelings because other humans are feeling worse. I'm just gonna say it here. I'm allowed to feel sad because I feel sad.

Ok cool.

I still haven't sent out $10 letters. I honestly don't feel like stepping out right now. We're under lockdown till the 30th. So I'll send your April and May letters together. I hope that's okay.

Thank you for being here. 🌹