new space and me

Hi! I hope you have gotten used to the global pandemic and have found ways to feel as normal as possible.

I've finally set up my new workspace. I feel more like myself and i feel like I've filled a void inside myself with myself. It feels good to be in a space which is an extension of me, its welcoming and warm.  But i feel a weird sense of distance too with this new space. Maybe because its still new and will take some getting used to. But this space is more of what and who i am than  my space ever was.

I've lived in this room for nine years. At one point my past self really took it upon herself to make it into her space. She doodled all over the walls AND painted one naked lady torso and a meme face on them, she was so free.

This was the beginning of my getting into making comics. I remember being so proud of the doodles on the wall haha. I'm grateful for that wall and for my past self for getting started. 

The difference between the old space and the new one is drastic. I have never lived in a space with shiny tiles and wing chair and wardrobe spaces with just my stuff in it. It feels like I've become someone i never thought i'd become but in a good way. 

My present self feels awesome being in this space but i've never felt more in touch AND out of touch with the person i was a year ago and the persons i have been before.  I feel like its nice to stay connected with all the people you've been, you learn so much through that its a nice way to measure progress and life quality. 

I feel in touch with the person i was when i lived in my older space because it feels like she's reaching out to me and throwing a fit like a child because i didnt inform her about the changes i have made. It might sound weird but i do feel reached out by her. And i feel out of touch because I feel like i didnt say goodbye to my old space. I did thank it though. I patted the walls and thanked them for being there for me to doodle on. But i never said goodbye. It all happened so fast, I was so impatient because i was getting frustrated being in that space because it reminded me more of the past and less of the present. I am crying and laughing as i type this haha. I feel really sad and satisfied at the same time. Its a feeling i didnt anticipate.

I thought once my room would be set, i'd feel motivated again and get back to work. But it didnt go as planned. I did try my best to NOT look at this change as a one time solution to fix my lack of motivation. I kept telling myself that ever since the tiles for my room were getting installed. So i dont feel bummed about not feeling motivated because my brain still has the same issues as before. But i do feel much relaxed. I am taking it slow. I know not everyone will have the patience for me to come back but i am happy with having a small number of true readers. 

The number game on social media feels cruel. Its so much more important to have one true supporter than 1000's of followers who only follow you because they follow you haha. I am so grateful for Patreon and for you all. I especially want to thank Sara, she's one of you. I am so grateful to have  a supporter like you, Sara. Thank you.

This is my little update again. I am trying to get back to drawing with my wacom again but it feels so strange holding it i got scared i'd never be able to draw digitally again. But i'm warming up till it feels comfortable again just like i'm warming up in my new space.

I've burned a hole in my pocket on this space but its a hole i'll always cherish.

Thank you for reading. 

Love etc

Aditi

self timed photo with night mode