AAA: Accidental Anime Assassin | First Kill

A rare Beth thing without any gender! Somewhat unhinged and queer-coded tho. CW: Death, blood, vomit

Akiko was a terribly clumsy girl and she often found herself in difficult situations due to unlucky accidents. Today, she was starting at yet another new job. Hopefully this time she’d make it at least a day before getting fired.

She felt like she’d already done a bad job. She had tried to pick up a pan by its hot metal handle, and ended up burning her fingers.

She went to rush over to the sink to run her hands under cool water, but her foot caught on the slightly raised edge of a grate in the floor. She fell forward heavily just as a waiter passed in front of her.

As she went down, Akiko grasped desperately for anything to grab onto to support her. Instead she accidentally grabbed that same pan handle and ended up launching it forward.

She sat upon in relief, blushing, and relieved she wasn’t hurt. However, she felt a warm liquid spraying onto her torso. Had she knocked over a cup of tea that the waiter was carrying? She glanced down and screamed at what she saw. The pan had slammed into his nose and blood was now violently spraying out.

She rushed to take off her apron and tried to stop his bleeding with the wadded-up fabric, but she hadn’t realized that the pan had spilled out hot oil everywhere. With a sudden whoosh, her apron caught fire and quickly grew into a blaze. She instinctively jumped back in horror as she saw the man himself catch fire. In mere moments, the fire had spread to the rest of his clothes and a moment later… the man was gone, reduced to a pile of ashes.

“What’s the screaming?!” her manager said as he rushed into the room. “Where did that pile of ashes come from? Quick, girl, sweep it up.”

Akiko’s face was white and her mouth was dry. She swallowed several times but couldn’t manage to produce any words. She was in utter shock.

“Did you make this mess?” the manager demanded. “Are you a mute?! Answer me!”

Akiko’s face began to turn green and she felt a sudden rumble before… she suddenly vomited, spraying all over her manager’s button-up shirt.

***

“You got fired already?” her roommate and friend Erika asked in disbelief. In contrast to Akiko, Erika was tall and slender and graceful and good at pretty much everything. In high school, she’d begun to serve as a special consultant for the Tokyo police and now she was a top police detective.

“I threw up on the manager,” Akiko said. “Oh, and I killed a guy.”

Erika laughed. “The other homicide detectives love jokes like that. I guess it’s the kind of job that makes you develop dark humor as a coping mechanism.”

“No, I’m serious! You should probably arrest me!” Akiko said.

“Maybe after dinner,” Erika said. “Is French okay? I have plans later but I think I could make a quick veal demi-glace.”

“Which boyfriend is it this time?” Akiko asked, rolling her eyes.

“Same one as last time!” Erika said. “Jeez. I don’t go through them that fast,” Erika said. “Nowhere near how you go through jobs.”

Akiko groaned. “God. Don’t remind me.” For a moment, her expression became serious. “Erika, none of these guys you’ve been seeing are good enough for you. You deserve someone as ridiculously amazing as you are.”

“Well, I haven’t settled down yet,” Erika said. “Nothing wrong with having a little fun. Oh, and just so you know, I might not be home tomorrow night. I think we’re gonna have to stake out a possible gangster meeting spot. If I’m still not back tomorrow, assume I died.”

“Instant ramen for dinner it is,” Akiko said. “Tomorrow, I mean.”

“Well, maybe I can make something ahead of time and leave it for you,” Erika said.

“I’d love that,” Akiko said.