Last days of comfort

I'm starting to feel the inevitable speeding up of time that happens before you start something new, in this case, tour. Everything changes in a week, last week things felt normal and like I was ahead of schedule and like I had plenty of time to prepare. This week all of a sudden I see the sand slipping through the hourglass and I feel like I'm spinning out a little bit. We have to secure supports, the set list is being chipped away at, rehearsals are booked, I'm zooming with different members of crew each night, going through budgets and trying not to have heart palpitations, my sleep is interrupted, I'm finding it difficult to actually switch off.

I went camping with Tom, my sisters and Paula my lighting engineer, it was so nice to do something fun like that, in nature, force ourselves to slow down, and now I'm just appreciating every moment I have at home to shower in comfort, to have my own bed even though I'm not sleeping in it and to be with Stella & Vlad. I'm curious if my career will ever slip into a place of comfort, or if it will always come with the feeling of risk.

I'm being asked about social media a lot lately in press, my feelings towards it are getting more and more negative. Does everything in the world have to be turned into a fucking meme? Even Dave Grohl? like can people actually fuck off and stop meme-ing everything that ever happens. Leave people alone. I feel like we keep regressing, more and more I see adults behaving like adolescents, no wonder, the tools at their disposal are asking that of them. I cringe at almost everything, even genuine art now it's difficult to express and come off as genuine on social media platforms. I see the desperation in bands and solo artists trying to reach people, the selling of self has reached peak ugliness, but like has it? Does it get worse than this? I dread to think. Where are people's boundaries? I'm grateful to have boundaries and it's a reminder to be grateful for everything I have. Everyone seems to be playing a game I have no interest in. Maybe people feel that about me? I'm on the platform, I must be acting in certain ways too that rub some people the wrong way. I honestly don't know how you act on these platforms anymore.

I'm reading a lot right now! Currently a novel called Kara and also a lot of LGBTQIA+ non fiction reading. There is so much to learn about the community, so much that i'm finding is opening my mind & world, helping me communicate, learn about myself and my relationships with loved ones but also with work and the world. So grateful for the queer community, for my own sexuality and for the open minds I have in my life.

I'm also listening to a lot of interviews with Robert Putnam, I know I talked about him before but I'm just super inspired by his voice right now! We need social lives, clubs, practising democracy IRL and community. It's an era of loneliness and I'm actually really excited to see how I can help with that feeling on the road, the beauty of music is how it can bring people together and inspire community. I have some ideas!!!

Ok i'm gonna make dinner and then I have some more zoom calls with potential North American Tour crew! SO much to prepare!!! gah!

love you guys

ohhh what do you want to hear on tour?!??!!? any special requests leave in the comments, we start rehearsing this week! eek!