TikTok "dating advice" with Emily Rose from ItsBecomeAWholeThing
Added 2023-02-17 05:01:00 +0000 UTCHello, hello and happy Friday! Today I'm joined by Emily from Its Become A Whole Thing (patreon and podcast) to talk about the 'dating' advice we have been seeing all over TikTok, including:
- soft/dark feminine era
- how to be receiving
- how to out-fuckboy a fuckboy (my blog post on this here)
- the concept of 50/50 on dates and in life
- the "right" date, walking dates, coffee dates, drink dates, dinner dates
- "if he wanted to he would"
And more! It's a bit of us doing therapy/getting these feelings off our chest, but let me know in the comments...have you been seeing these videos and concepts online? Is all of the dating advice out there making you feel insane? Let it out!
Comments
The thing about the longer the caption the worse the couple is doing is so real. I thought this before but I have a real life evidence of this. So only saying this cause its the patreon but I have a friend who is married and they told me how they kissed someone at work and how their wife found out and is upset and they were talking to me and just seemed kind of done with the relationship and then started trying to get me to hook up with them but i kept saying like no, you would regret it, you dont want to do that to your wife, etc and I was not down so it didnt happen, but if I had said yes it would have happened. Then not long after they made a huge post about their wife on instagram and saying how much they love her and all this stuff and i was like OMG it is true. Especially if it is super random, not on a holiday, birthday, or some special event, you know something is going down or just did go down. I'm a little high so hopefully that is coherent lol
HippiNoire
2023-02-23 19:10:57 +0000 UTCLmao I listened to my now husband get sick in the bathroom and had a major ick and had to push through it. Now we’re married!!
Allyson
2023-02-22 23:17:48 +0000 UTCIf the person is considered disabled in Arizona and would be getting care from the state of AZ they will pay family members a salary to be the care giver . Wanted to share if you were struggling and live in AZ!
Liv Rodi
2023-02-19 20:45:32 +0000 UTCAbsolutely love you and the Pod Shannon but I’m 24 and currently freezing my eggs bc I’m going through premature ovarian failure aka premature menopause and it’s not really That Chill or a quick/easy process 😭 but I guess it’s different for everyone and everybody has different experiences with it
Lili Hulac
2023-02-18 23:47:56 +0000 UTCI never knew that fact about butch/femme relationships in mid century America! I love looking at history and memoirs and historical figures through a queer lens and uncovering facts like that, it's so interesting to me
Shannon McNamara
2023-02-17 19:52:06 +0000 UTCSO true. The mental load that women traditionally take on is completely unparalleled.
Shannon McNamara
2023-02-17 19:51:02 +0000 UTCYou are great for this comment, ty for sharing your opinion and thank you for being here!
Shannon McNamara
2023-02-17 19:50:31 +0000 UTCLove your podcast and I look forward to your episodes all the time!! That being said, like someone else on here said, I disagree with the Drew Afualo take. I think my thoughts are that it shouldn’t be on us (women) to avoid inciting already bad men to be worse. Or having them hate women less. Or trying to take the high road. They (the men who post horribly shitty and misogynistic takes) already hate us, abuse us, degrade us. And women have had to take it for centuries. Especially those of us who are POC. When these men say these horrible things to Drew about her looks or about women in general and Drew shuts them down with their same sort of rhetoric, it feels like she’s taking back her power, taking back the narrative, and asserting that they can’t talk to us like that or they will get the same treatment. Anyways will happily await more episodes because disagreeing on one thing doesn’t mean I’m turned off of the podcast. You’re great!
Paula Del Valle
2023-02-17 19:33:39 +0000 UTCThe main issue I have with the 50/50 situation is that it’s usually just in relation to finances, but men very rarely also take on 50% of the non financial aspects of a relationship (cooking, cleaning, child rearing, mental load etc). If women are paying 50% of costs and then also taking on majority of domestic labour then that is a fucked up situation imo. Obvs it’s all about balance, and if ur able to strike a balance in ur relationship whether that be 50/50 finances or not then that’s great, but I do think this is where some of the pushback women are giving against the concept of 50/50 is coming from.
bananabread
2023-02-17 19:31:20 +0000 UTCLoooove this convo. I spent my therapy session this week talking about divine masculine/feminine but explicitly NOT in a gender essentialist way. A few years ago I watched a lot of those “divine feminine” YouTube videos that tell women we need a high value man, whatever the fuck that means. I was drawn to it bc I’ve always identified with the divine feminine, but I was also a closeted lesbian so it was very confusing and I’ve been unpacking what did feel true to me versus what was pushed on me. The most helpful thing for me has been de-centering men from my understanding of masculinity. Loving butch/masc/stud women has been a masterclass in understanding this. I also think that masculine/feminine energy is something that is always in flux within an individual and attraction comes in the unique alchemy of two people meeting with their unique balance of that energy. So someone who might read as more masc to me might read as more fem to someone else or neutral to themself and that’s not contradictory. At the end of the day I’ve come to understand the feminine energy that I’ve always related to as a deep familiarity with the internal and the masculine energy that I am beginning to identify in myself and adore in others is a deep familiarity with the external. We need both to be whole and make connections. My therapist had me listen to the home to her podcast to help clarify this and it is so helpful and not in any way prescriptive. I’d highly recommend it to anyone else who is healing from internalizing very rigid ideas about masculinity and femininity. Side note something I love in butch/femme relationship history is that in mid century America, the butch usually stayed home while the femme was the breadwinner because it was safer for the gender-conforming partner to be in the workplace. Thankfully we don’t have to hide like that anymore, but as a career driven femme I LOVE the idea of having that kind of balance with a partner as long as they have their own economic agency in some way
Hannah
2023-02-17 18:46:55 +0000 UTCFor anyone on the fence in terms of having kids, this youtuber has the most raw honest content on pregnancy, birth and nreat feeding. https://youtube.com/@KeelinMoncrieff
Erin
2023-02-17 18:36:46 +0000 UTCYes!!!!! The part where your body knows if that person is wrong for you is sooo real!! My older sister had a terrible boyfriend and towards the end of the relationship, every time they had sex her stomach felt like a pit of fire and it wasn’t because she didn’t want to have sex. Her body was letting her know to get rid of him!
Kat Gugino
2023-02-17 17:10:34 +0000 UTCI think as far as paying goes, when I'm going on first dates and for the first few months, I do want the guy to pay bc it feels more respectful and shows that he's willing to invest his time and money in me. Once we become more serious, then I like to split things based on income bc at that point its clear to me he's invested. In my case, I know I can take care of myself, I've been paying all my bills and treating myself for years, but I want a person that's willing to take care of me and invest in me so I don't have to do everything myself all the time.
Cassea Ward
2023-02-17 14:43:22 +0000 UTCOmg yay just started playing but I loveeeee this duo of you & Em!
Grace Gallagher
2023-02-17 14:12:24 +0000 UTCI 100% agree with the Drew Afualo take. There are some of her videos I agree with, going after misogynists who make fun of women’s appearances, but I really do not agree with going after someone’s appearance/religion/culture, if they themself is not doing that.
aaa3tiya
2023-02-17 11:33:07 +0000 UTC🫶🏼
Tiresi Kirbae
2023-02-17 06:51:33 +0000 UTCI love you guys so much!!! Fave duo
Tiresi Kirbae
2023-02-17 06:44:44 +0000 UTCThe drew afualo take was pretty rough to listen to. If a man is being openly misogynistic there’s a big chance he holds racist beliefs as well. The “why don’t we all just get along” take is pretty indicative of white feminism. You might consider the perspective that there is nothing that she, as a woman of color, can say that the type of men she confronts will genuinely respect. -coming from a fan (obviously, I subscribe to the patreon lol)
Catherine
2023-02-17 06:11:46 +0000 UTCMy faves once again healing my trauma 💕 love your comments on masculine/feminine energy, I’m an engineer and often have to be in so-called ‘masculine energy’ to keep up in my job and feel like it affects my dating life. It’s also pretty noticeable how male engineers pursue women in traditionally feminine jobs, so TikTok really adds on the shame for women paying 50/50 or being equally invested in a relationship. It just seems like a tactic to influence women to stay in ‘their place’.
Averie
2023-02-17 05:25:01 +0000 UTCEMILY ROSE ‼️‼️‼️🚨❤️
Noelle
2023-02-17 05:02:51 +0000 UTC
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