Sex Dates: for when you feel stuck sexually in your long-term relationship

Hello my dear emotions explorers, today we'll talk about sexual intimacy and how to reignite the spark in your long-term relationship. 

Chances are that you are in love with your partner and that you are attracted to them too, but for some reason sex just doesn't seem to happen, no matter how much you wish for it. 

The truth is that sexual intimacy needs more planning and intentionality in a long-term relationship, simply because all the individuals involved have multiple things they have to manage on a daily basis, and many times the priority of sex will naturally fall in the last place. This is not necessarily a bad thing, in fact it's absolutely normal for different priorities to take over in different stages of life, however if there is a frustration involved that has to be addressed. 

The best way to reconnect is to make sure you are filling their sexual tank through daily mental, emotional, spiritual an physical bonds (not sex) and also make sure to decide on a weekly sex date. Don't prepare your credit card to go out just yet. Actually, ideally try not leave the house, as sex date refers simply to the act of going together to the bedroom with the intention to have sex. 

Step 1: It might be a bit uncomfortable at first, you might feel embarrassed or awkward, just know that this is absolutely normal, it's just a further indication that you guys might be really disconnected to each other, even if in love. So first things first: spend 5 to 10 minutes looking into each others' eyes. You can talk, you can laugh (actually I encourage it), but the point is to become more and more comfortable having prolonged eye contact with your partner. Try to focus on what emotion are rising for you and bring them forward as a discussion. 

Step 2: After gazing into each others' eyes it's time to rest your palm on their chest and feel their heart beating while they do the same with you. Stay in this moment until you feel your breath synchronized as this is a good sing that your nervous system is responding to their presence in a positive way. 

Step 3: after spending this time connecting, it's time to introduce talking. Use the questions illustrated to start talking about sex. You don't have to go through all the questions all the time, you can use 6-7 per sex date, and once you feel in control you can even change the questions to better suit your situation. Make sure to address any insecurities, any issues, any pressures. Be vulnerable and understanding with each other and also you are not allowed to get mad at each other's responses. This is a space you create to be open and accepting of your partner(s). 

Step 4: now it's time to introduce touch. My advice is to get a feather and take turns stimulating you partner's body parts. Please make sure to avoid the erogenous zones (breast, crotch, bum), and focus on the rest of the body of your partner. Discover new ways to stimulate them, experience and play with arousing and stimulating them. 

Step 5: now lose the feather, get together and let the one in the relationship that is most reticent to sex to initiate touch. They can choose to touch you, or they can choose to stimulate themselves in front of you; the rule in this step is for the other partner to no touch the one that is initiating touch. The reason is to create more and more tension from the one not touching, top create desire, to create absolute focus on pleasure. Take turns in doing this. 

Step 6: once you both feel stimulated I'm sure you'll know what to do (wink wink), just make sure you take it slow. Ridiculously slow even. Make sure to focus on each touch, on each sensation, on each breath and make sure to have eye contact. 

Let me know how it goes, let me know if there are any obstacles I didn't cover or if simply this method didn't work for you. 

because this topic is very private I'm expecting your DMs in larger numbers, so please expect some delay. 

I wish you pleasurable and fulfilling sexual intimacy, you guys deserve it!!