Empowerment vs Exploitation

My photos and videos were stolen, sent to people, and possibly posted on the “dark web” and other places without my consent (obviously). Facing this level of abuse and exploitation has been one of the biggest challenges of my life.

I was on the Focus on Your Own Family podcast recently talking about this whole experience and we discussed the difference between empowerment and exploitation. It’s interesting how the exact same video or photo can be something that is a part of my own empowerment, and yet in the wrong hands the same video or photo can be used to harm and exploit me. The difference? My own agency.

When I am making choices about “spicy” photos and videos, when I am in control of what happens with them, and when I benefit from the use of the content, it can be an empowering experience for me. The benefit to me might be financial, or it might be something used in a relationship that is a part of our intimacy or just plain fun. Either way, I maintain control.

On the other side, when control is taken from me, when I lose access to my own photos and videos (or those given to me by someone else), when they are used to hurt me, and when someone who means to harm me uses my photos and videos as a “benefit” to them (the harm done to me would be seen as a benefit to the perpetrators, or for their financial gain), that is exploitation.

The same content, but very different outcomes for me.

When people ask, “why would you have pictures like that anyhow” this is the wrong question to be asking. In fact, that question sides with abusers and blames victims. We all have the right to express ourselves in private in the ways we choose and share that experience with other consenting adults if we choose. Or we can keep these things private and they should remain private. Just because some content is made available to others (such as on an app like Patreon) does not mean all content I have is available. Some things are private and we’re all entitled to a private life.

Healing from and growing beyond purity culture is not without its struggles. I hope we all can encourage and protect each other as we figure all this shit out.

❤️❤️❤️