CarissaExplainsNothing

I’ll be Happy Again

Added 2023-12-29 17:47:24 +0000 UTC

There were just a few very brief moments this year when I felt peaceful and happy. Early May, then again in November. These were beautiful times of hope and looking forward to the future. Unfortunately, because of the intentional and incredibly harmful choices of other people to hurt me and even others around me, those times of happiness were very brief and ended with suffering.

When feeling good comes to an abrupt end, I always find myself clinging and feeling desperate to hold on to the thing or person who was a part of that happiness. Then I let go (much quicker now as I’ve had quite a bit of practice over the past two years) and settle in to that horrible despair of realizing the dream that made me feel hopeful is dead. That pain… it’s indescribable.

Then slowly I emerge and find my balance again.

This is the time when I have to remind myself to hold onto hope, even though that feels scary. It feels like a set up for more suffering. But in reality… the hope is in myself. The hope that I’ll find my way again. The hope that I’ll be back to myself again. The hope that I’ll always have me, and even if that’s all I have that will be enough.

❤️❤️❤️