First time Momma (MDLB)

Last night I got to be momma to the absolute cutest bby boy in the world and it was a deeply restorative experience. 

It started with him coming over and we had dinner and just got comfortable, then I walked with him into the bedroom and I did my special folding technique for his dip before laying him down to put it on him. When I finished and he sat up I noticed him shying away a bit before he reached out his arms asking for a hug. It was a beautiful invitation for me to support him, and opportunity for me to learn where his vulnerability sat.

After our hug, I got him dressed in a brand new onesie and walked him to the couch where we cuddled and watched T.V. and I helped him drink all the water so he could be the absolute coziest bby ever overnight. 

I was so grateful that this person and I are such good friends because it also gave space through the evening to break out of character, or for the odd time where I paused for a more explicit check-in on something just to be sure I wasn't pushing any boundaries and could approach the next aspect of our play in the most supportive way possible.

It was interesting, because I hadn't ever told him that the first time I truly realized I was into this k!nk (this being AB/DL) was when he had decided to sleep in a dip when I was at his house and in the morning woke me up by suckling. In the moment at the time I thought my arousal was strictly due to the stimulation (I love nipple play . . . ); Then I had a moment of realizing what it likely had been for him and truthfully feeling quite uncomfortable about it because I hadn't fully understood at the time; And then there is now where the thought of simulating that act with this cute bby boy (I use 'bby' to denote that this is a grown, consenting adult "acting as though" for purposes of engaging in this type of play together) got me extremely turned-on. There's something about that specific combination of vulnerability and sensation that just throws my whole body into all the tingles and I absolutely love it. 

This morning, I got to experience it again and it lived up to every bit of anticipation I had built.

When my friend left, I had bits of second guessing but I think that is normal when this is such a brand new experience. What I felt mostly, was deeply relaxed - more than I have in a very long time. I think there is something about the deep presence needed to hold someone in that vulnerable space but to be able to really just sit there, and feel their presence when you're in it that is so incredibly restorative. 

To be able to spend the whole morning cuddling, and to witness this person feel safe playing in this way, and to have them turn to me when they felt shy or even maybe a bit afraid rather than turn away . . . it was amazing.

I think I have found a new persona that feels so deeply aligned for me, and I am excited to get to explore it more in nonsxual settings like this one, or otherwise.