Why do I call you "Daddy"?

TLDR: I used to think it was super weird, then someone explained it to me, and then I liked it. 

You've heard me talk about "daddy" or my friend named B. What you may or may not have known is he is the first person I ever explored DDLG and ABDL with, ever. What you also may be quite surprised to find out is that before entering this world and playing with him, I was super hesitant (read: I was that person on the outside judging and thinking what these people were doing was probably an ill-informed way of dealing with some deep, deep issues). 

So, when I asked him what he wanted me to call him and he said "daddy", I was quite taken aback. I didn't understand, and in the spaces I had been exploring I had seen a disproportionate amount of problematic relationships showing up in these spaces. Understandably, I was hesitant; But, I was also curious. 

I was being given an opportunity to ask questions about something I had only seen in a negative light, and had only been taught about from others with a similar experience (and without personal experience in these worlds of play). 

I had been thinking about things on my own . . . One way of rationalizing my curiosity was I never ever had called my actual father, "daddy". So, it didn't feel Freudian at all. What I also realized, is this fully meant I got to define my own term.

So, I asked: What does "daddy" mean to you? (Note to any sub/dom: Before consenting to use an honorarium, ask them. What does it mean? What behaviour does this hold you accountable to - of yourself and of me? What does this mean for how I treat you?). 

He responded: It means I want to care and nurture you, celebrate you and see you succeed at things that matter for you. 

Now I know I said I hadn't called my father "daddy", but I can also tell you right now these attributes and characteristics are nothing I had ever attributed to my father (what that says about things, is a whole bigger conversation but for now, this was my observation). 

I said yes. My stipulation: I have to get used to how to use it because I never have, and it is helpful to me if you guide me on when you would like me to say it so I can start to understand (being autistic, I need context to be well-defined and I need rules to engage with the world in general and k!nk play is no different than that. I can have desires and scenes in my head but when it comes to playing them out, it is extremely difficult to engage fluidly just due to how I interact with the world). 

And so, like a good daddy does, he guided me. He helped me feel safe, when I stumbled or said something silly he would overlook it, or smile and call me cute, and encourage me to keep going. 

Next thing though, why did I enjoy it? Because I realized after a while, that I really truly did. 

It means I am cared for. 

It means I have a person I can feel safe celebrating in front of, and that I am given permission to celebrate myself. 

It means being able to ask for what I need and having someone who wants to give me those things as much as they are able. 

It means I can surrender, for once in my life it is not all on me to hold together. 

It means my cuteness is a positive trait, instead of something likely to leave me disrespected or not taken seriously (earning someone's submission is a serious thing and someone being vulnerable to be "cute" around you is not to be taken lightly, ever). 

And I think above all, it meant having someone who wanted to see me and witness my growth (like genuinely desired that) and to be seen in that way is something I had never before experienced. 

So while yes, I do call you "daddy" 'cus you like it; What I came to learn pretty quickly is I call you "daddy" because it makes me happy. It lets parts of me that have fallen behind come back to play, and it helps me realize I have a right to that safety and security you desire to bring me and that it is a privilege for you to be the one to offer it.