Who is Lil Kitten Dixie?

Y'a know it's funny . . . As I wrote the title I realized that even though she is me, I am very much still getting to know her. I had this conversation with a friend recently on the topic of gender, and how someone they knew was seemingly changing their mind quite frequently. I responded with the query: Are they changing their mind or are they simply getting to know themselves more and more each day? 

I think that's it: Our experience of self isn't meant to be linear. We don't come into this world having all the answers; Or maybe we do and we forget along the way . . . lose touch with them, external factors come into play and perspective changes. We try to find our place and in doing so forget who we were meant to be, and so our sense of "self" starts to dissolve.

But at a certain point, if we choose and the stars (or soul and corporeal) align, we begin the journey home to self. Every single step of that journey becomes an integral part of who we are. Each is a piece to the puzzle - the ever-growing puzzle. Our "self" isn't a finite moment in time, but the gradual mixing of all experiences, all perceptions, all reflections and interactions. It is fluid, and it is infinite.

So, when you ask me "Who is Lil Kitten Dixie?", you very well might get a different answer on any given day. But no answer you are given is any less truthful. Each answer is framed by a new context, a new step along the path, a new interaction or reaction . . . That context gives meaning to the "me" who stands (or crawls or rolls around) before you.

And lately, I will say, it seems my notion has been changing incredibly quickly. Each day I find a new exciting thing to focus on, a new way to play, and new questions to pose to those around me as I interact with my current hyperfixation. My journey home is less of a crawl and more of a run. 

To you, it may seem that I am inconsistent, and you may be right. However, that does not mean I am dishonest. What it means for me right now is that I am experiencing a new level of safety that allows me to meet myself more fully each and every moment. 

This journey, this is what I hope to share with you in this space. And maybe some of the tools I have used will be supportive of your journey home, too.

Going back to the question I posed at the beginning then . . . Who is Lil Kitten Dixie, right now?

She's someone who is in her most fluid state (liberation) when she is fully tapped into curiosity and creativity. 

She's also someone who has a lot of trouble sometimes getting to that point, and is learning how to experience pleasure solely for herself and not just for those around her or as a result of their experiences (Ooooof). 

She's intelligent and accomplished and is learning every day to recognize this about herself even more, and to celebrate and recognize her successes (rather than taking them for granted which is what she has spent a long time doing, discounting important parts of herself). 

She is a community creator, whose purpose on this earth is to bring people together and to help them cultivate a sense of safety.

She's a healer, trustworthy friend, and a genuine and candid human. 

She's committed to allowing her soul to play and witnessing, healing and integrating all parts of herself through this wonderful world of k!nk. 

And perhaps above all, she is open to the next step in her exploration, whatever it may bring.

This may not be what you expected to find here, and that is okay. It might also not be what I expected to write. But as I sat here at my computer unable to figure out what to put onto this figurative piece of paper I realized: I cannot sacrifice or hide parts of myself to acknowledge and share the others. All of me needs to show-up, always. So, here I am (at least for right now).